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NovelistElly

NovelistElly

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Adam swung at his opponent furiously; blow after blow seemed to not weaken his mighty constitutions. Rachel started to unleash a flurry of different types of magic attacks. Beads of sweat began to appear on the gluttonous priest’s head.
“You naïve fools are no match for me! It would take an army to even injure me! Now, die!” Radzur spat.
He slammed his staff into the ground and the air started to ripple with heat, men from both sides were cremated in seconds, reduced to smoking powder on the sand. A battle-cry from the general was the last thing Al-Radzur had expected to hear in the chaos.
“Archers, on my mark!”
A whole line of archers aimed for Radzur with readied arrows. Masters of the arcane imbued the arrows with the elements.
“Aim…and…release!”
A rain of arrows obscured whole swathes of the sky. Rachel took advantage of the moment and used blood runes and earth runes to send an elemental blast of rock tearing through soldiers towards Radzur. Adam threw his cheap sword like a true Fremennik warrior and it headed for its mark at stunning speed. All three assaults culminated on Al-Radz** as he stood horrified by the supremacy of the attacks to his defenses.
Radzur mustered all his remaining magical powers arrows began to burn when within a few feet, smoke began to eject from the magical boulder, and Adam’s sword turned white hot. The powerful mage was completely overpowered, everyone on the battlefield felt a great evil lift from the area as Zamorak completely abandoned Al-Radz** as a lost cause, a waste of protection. A ghastly scream sounded from inside the obscuring cloud of attacks as he was dealt a horrible fate. After the sand settled a mangled corpse was left lying still on the ground. The body was a pincushion of arrows, most of the left side was gone and the raw inside was filled with holes from earth magic. A sword was lodged in the throat and sticking out the other side.

30-Dec-2008 23:09:25

NovelistElly

NovelistElly

Posts: 2,603 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
A decadently armored man walked over to the two and they looked up hopefully, recognizing him as the general of the Menaphos army. He was wearing golden disk shaped shoulder guards and intricately decorated gauntlets, forged from fine metals. His armor was made of strong steel and covered by expertly dyed silk, colored with light brown and cream colored stripes. His boots were made of what looked like black dragon hide and the helm sported the same pattern as the silk tunic over his armor with added horns and covers to keep the sun off of him.
He looked down at the pair as they lay on the ground, exhausted from the fight and in needing medical attention. His face was scarred badly and the skin was callused from so much sun, the tan skin accented the thick black eyebrows, the imposing grimace, and the bits of black hair sticking out from under the helm.
“More Zamorakian scum, probably in league with the bandits,” he accused.
Rachel wanted to stand up and hit him right there on the spot, “You idiot! We were helping to fight the bandits!”
“Do you have any proof?”
“Well I-I…no, no we don’t,” Rachel stuttered, defeated.
“Guards, put them in prison until someone discovers their bones while they mine,” the general said to two nearby soldiers, condemning Adam and Rachel to a fate of forced labor.
Adam was roused out of his reverie of pain as he clutched his leg, “What? We are innocent! You can’t do this to us; we need food, water, and a hospital!” Adam protested right before he was dragged off and put in a cart to be bound in chains forever.
“Thieves like you deserve no such comfort,” said the general as he polished his ring with the demon horns.

30-Dec-2008 23:10:11 - Last edited on 30-Dec-2008 23:15:11 by NovelistElly

Huisme

Huisme

Posts: 1,146 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"Rachel and Adam noticed that they were no longer the focus of Al-Radzur’s attention. They needed to get away, they needed to get out of the middle of this battle. Adam grabbed
Rachel by her dainty hand and pulled he close to him so he could talk over the clamor of the battle."
You said Adam grabbed Rachel by her dainty hand and pulled "he" close. Might wat to change that to her.
I win :P
Amazing!
Magnificent!
Awesome!
Z... um...
Inspirational!
Nose pressed to the screen!
Great!
A M A Z I N G ! ! !
EDIT: I put a smaaalll sample of my book on page 125 in Story discussions.

31-Dec-2008 00:35:40 - Last edited on 31-Dec-2008 00:43:19 by Huisme

Dudeski

Dudeski

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Well, I finished reading. I'm very impressed with the description, and the battle scenes are pretty good as well.

However, I missed the part where Adam had time to fall in love with Rachel. They were just stuck in the same hospital room for a couple of days, (while Adam was conscious) and all of a sudden they're in love?
Other than that, there isn't much else I can say. Defnitely a good read, though.

01-Jan-2009 20:49:41

NovelistElly

NovelistElly

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Someone does not believe in love at first sight. :P
I assumed that the amount of time they spent together was enough for that, plus Adam had plenty of time to think of his feelings for her, he also wandered into the desert to find her.
Any other justification needed?
I may consult Roshie on this matter because of her knowledge in Romance stories.
Elly

02-Jan-2009 01:17:11

Englishkid62

Englishkid62

Posts: 9,782 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Someone does not believe in love at first sight
---
Well, I do believe love in first sight, but whether that is PRACTICAL is enother problem.
Is it even true love? Is it love, or is it lu(c)st?
There is somethings to consider here, and it often lead to unrequited feelings, which I'm sure, will make this story sad :(
We don't want that, do we? :p

02-Jan-2009 01:21:31

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