Grammar/Spelling: 20/20 points. I did*’t notice a single thing wrong with your spelling or grammar. Everything flowed right and I did*’t find myself stopping due to comma misplacements or subject verb agreements for example.
Plot: 35/40 points. There was nothing major that was wrong with your story in terms of plot. I think there could have been more, but as a short story, it wasn’t meant to have too much. I think it works how it is, but I felt a little more in a specific area mentioned in the next category could possibly make this better.
Character development: 34/40 points. Every character in this story had the right amount of content to them. I only question the female hippo who wanted Gruffle so bad. She seemed to appear out of nowhere, and while this is just a short story, I would have liked to know a little more about those two.
The Hook: 9/10 points. You started out with a hippo addicted to berries. I don’t even know what to say to that. As soon as I read that, I wanted to read more and I wanted to get closer to these hippos. It was definitely a unique read.
Sensual Feeling: 9/10 points. This was no comedy like some of your other entries (according to your thread), but I was smiling while reading this. This would have not even been half as interesting with humans. It just makes sense with hippos. I*m an animal lover.
Overall enjoyment and miscellaneous things: 54/60 points. I loved this story. The description was marvelous without being overbearing. It definitely shows a nice balance of plot motion and characteristic description. The scenery could have had some more detail. Personally, the scenery wasn’t all too clear for me and that could have had a bigger impact.
Special Something: 19/20 points. The hippos feel like real people—actually, they are even better in this context than humans. I got nothing more to say here.
11-Feb-2012 22:45:42
I hope we'll get to see you online again, and in The Word (yes it's still going) once more?