RuneScape Forum Archive | Dreamweaver's Assorted Tales

Valoncieu

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Just finished reading all of them. I loved them- they are such excellent shorts and will ceartainly set the standard for future shorts writers.

One thing that I had a tiny problem with is the end of 'How to Make a Mountain'. I felt that the end was sort of sudden and unexpected, and I think the end was what prevented you from winning the Short contest.
But other then that, great, and keep the work up!

21-Aug-2007 01:29:48

Aug

2003

Dreamweaver

Posts: 3,790 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Thanks Bebegun5. Those are kind words indeed, and I'm glad you enjoyed the stories. You could be right about "How to Make a Mountain" - getting it all balanced within the word limit is certainly one of the challenges. Your insight is much appreciated.

Dreamweaver

P.S. It's been a while (a loooong while), but here's another ridiculous tale from the Dreamweaver school of nonsense-writing! Enjoy!

21-Aug-2007 09:13:17 - Last edited on 21-Aug-2007 09:13:31 by Dreamweaver

Aug

2003

Dreamweaver

Posts: 3,790 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

.o~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~o.
<~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ A SHAGGY DOG STORY ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~>
'o~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~o'

Reldo, a tall lanky youth with dark hair and sharp eyes, was a young but successful merchant of Varrock. He'd lived there his whole life in a small house with his father, Vandas. They bought and sold all manner of goods, relying on quickness of wit and swiftness of tongue to strike bargains when there seemed to be none. Reldo was not a particularly bright boy, but he was very hard-working, and he took in everything his father taught him as if it was spoken by the King himself. As such, he was gaining a reputation in the markets as one of the brightest stupid people that Varrock had ever raised.
One day, Reldo was conducting business with his horse and cart at the Cooks' Guild west of the town. He had just finished successfully turning a profit on a some bolts of white cloth and a few bushels of apples, but he wanted to make the most of the homeward journey with the cart, so he headed northeast into the trees to collect firewood. It was then that his sharp eyes caught some movement between the bushes ahead of him. With his unquenchable curiosity, Reldo hurried through the trees to investigate, and found himself face to face with a mangy, flea-ridden and fly-infested hound.
The dog whined slightly and pricked up its ears as it looked up at Reldo. Reldo reached into his pocket and pulled out the heel of his baguette that he'd bartered from a sandwich lady earlier in the day, and offered it to the hungry creature. Reldo, as soft-hearted as he was sharp-eyed, began stroking the dog's shaggy, matted fur as it chewed on the crusty bread.
~continued~

21-Aug-2007 09:13:57 - Last edited on 12-Nov-2007 05:37:11 by Dreamweaver

Aug

2003

Dreamweaver

Posts: 3,790 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

“Good boy,” he said reassuringly, patting the side of its neck.

“Thanks!”

Reldo leapt back, tripping over a stone and falling on his back. Scrambling up, he stared at the scruffy mutt in surprise.

“I only wanted to thank you,” said the dog again. “Sorry I made you jump.”

“I err... um...” stammered Reldo. “It's... it's fine. I.. you, I mean... talking...”

“So are you, but I don't fall over my tail because of it!”

“True. I suppose not.”

Reldo mulled things over for a minute, then decided that -- as with his attitude towards everything else in life -- accepting this state of affairs as an obvious truth was clearly the best option.

“Sorry I jumped. My name's Reldo, and I'm a merchant from Varrock. What is your name?”

“Dog,” said Dog.

“Um, nice to meet you, Dog. Where are you from?”

“You'd never believe me if I told you.”

“Why would I not? May I ask what you're doing here?”

“I suppose that's easy enough to explain,” replied the hairy mutt, “I came to Varrock some years ago with an aged barbarian named Raffrak. He was so old and stiff that he couldn't catch meat with his bare hands any more, so he started living in the inn in this city for a while. But Raffrak passed away a couple of months back, so I left the inn, and begged scraps from doorways instead.”

Dog flicked at a few flies with his tail, then continued.

“Anyway, a couple of days ago, I came out the west gate and saw this nice-looking house with a woman outside. I went over to try and beg for something, but as soon as she saw me she was running and shooing me away, waving her hands and throwing stones. Turns out she's some kind of cat breeder, so I ran up here to get out of her way. But actually, it's not bad hunting in these trees. And that's how my story finishes.”

~continued~

21-Aug-2007 09:14:03 - Last edited on 21-Aug-2007 09:33:06 by Dreamweaver

Aug

2003

Dreamweaver

Posts: 3,790 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

“So the Barbarian had you as a puppy?”

“No,” replied Dog, “Before Raffrak, I was with a Gradgit, a well-to-do Dwarven miner from the tunnels of Northern Asgarnia.”

“Oh, I see,” said Reldo, wide-eyed over a tale about Dwarves and far-off places. *That must have been exotic.”

“Not really. He lived underground, see? And I lived with him, keeping the vermin in the mine at bay and eating bones from the Dwarves' tables. Gradgit was fairly wealthy, but he was a terrible gambler. On one of his ore-selling trips to Varrock, we stopped at the Barbarian Village for a night. That evening, he lost his gold to Raffrak (who also could not resist the dice) in a freak game of Scraps. But rather than give away his gold – which a Dwarf would never do – he gave away me. So that's that.

“So you were born underground?”

“No, no. I came into the mines on a challenge from the white wolves of White Wolf Mountain. They kept muttering and growling about how they couldn't get meat any more, because tasty humans kept going under the mountain and not over it. So I, as their Captain, wen-”

“Wait!” cried Reldo excitedly. “Their Captain? You lived with wolves?”

Dog wagged his tail, then nodded his head sincerely.

“Yes, I was the Foreguard and Captain of the Western Slopes, reporting directly to Mighty Snurrrl himself. So I volunteered to conduct a clandestine exploration down the Dwarven hole. It turned out they were all reveling and gnawing bones and drinking down there, so I was comfortable staying. Then Gradgit, the Dwarf who'd taken most favor to me, moved east to the Asgarnia region for some new mining opportunities. So I went along. And that's that.”

“But you don't look like a white wolf to me. Did you really come from those snowy slopes?”

~continued~

21-Aug-2007 09:14:04 - Last edited on 21-Aug-2007 09:35:47 by Dreamweaver

Aug

2003

Dreamweaver

Posts: 3,790 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

“Goodness, no. I arrived at the mountain years before, with my close friend and companion, Valdin, Paladin-Grand to the Holy Seat of Ardougne, Knight-Crusader-Royal of the great Kingdom of Kandarin. Valdin was legendary and brave, a hero of many dangerous quests and missions on behalf of the Crown of Kandarin. But he was very, very short, so he used a long title to make up for it.

“He was also not quite as energetic as he once used to be, when I lived with him. So when we conducted a mid-winter reconnaissance mission over White Wolf Mountain towards Burthorpe, he never made it. His cataracts were getting bad and he stepped right off a cliff in a blizzard. I trotted on and met Snurrrl.”

“Who'd have thought it? You were a companion to nobility! What an incredible tale.”

“Valdin was nobility, certainly,” nodded Dog, the dog. “But he was no ruler. Not like Lord Iorweth who still commands much of the Elven land.”

“Lord Iorweth?”

“Yes. Iorweth and I ranged through the fair forests of Tirannwn for many a long season. I was his personal guard. I guarded him from the fearsome dire wolves and the huge grizzly bears and warned him of the noisy approach of men as he traveled his lands. We met Valdin who was leading a company of paladins across the mountains, following some rumor about King Lathas' brother, they told us. Well, Iorweth was going to shoot him on sight of course, except he'd never actually seen a human before, so he stayed his hand to allow him to get closer.

“As Valdin approached, so did a dire wolf pack from behind us. I was ready and wheeling to attack, but there were a great many of them upon us. Had Valdin not so speedily drawn his own bow and flown an arrow into the neck of the leading wolf, the Iorweth line would have failed that day. As a gesture of goodwill and payment of the blood-debt, Iorweth bade me protect Valdin before he dismissed his company back over the high range.”

~continued~

21-Aug-2007 09:14:14 - Last edited on 21-Aug-2007 09:38:51 by Dreamweaver

Aug

2003

Dreamweaver

Posts: 3,790 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Reldo was up on his feet, pacing with astonishment. “This is unbelievable, Dog! You come from the Elven lands. An extraordinary tale. Extraordinary!”

“From Tirannwn? Oh no, not even close. I fled to Tirannwn through a portal from the Abyssal Realms.”

“You did what???”

“A portal... the Abyss. It's not a good place to be, believe me.”

The flea-bitten old hound stood up and shivered noticeably before staring straight into Reldo's eyes.

“I'm not talking about that nice spongy reddish area with a few creepy crawlies and a bunch of doors to the Rune Temple network either. I'm talking about the Under-Sub-Below-World of the Living Dead, ruled by Rashiliyia the Zombie Queen! She isn't a zombie of course. Oh no, she's a minor Deity. One of the Planar Immortals. But she rules zombies and a great many other undead because -- despite the outrageous smell and their nasty habit of leaving bits of themselves everywhere -- they don't argue back much. I was one of the few truly living creatures down there and I spent most of my time looking for a way out, I tell you.

“My chance finally came when Rashie (I didn't call her that to her face of course) decided to open up a mystic gateway and waft a few dozen ghouls down to Lletya to freak out the locals. That Poison Waste area, that's hers you know. She was very proud of it and wanted to expand it, even though the Elves kept killing off her creatures as soon as they arrived. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I dived through that portal along with the ghosts and what-have-you, and ended up landing right on Lord Iorweth's Bannerman. That's how I met him.

“The last I heard, Rashiliyia had turned her attention to Shilo Village on Karamja Island instead. She probably thinks that a bunch of savages will be less troublesome to invade with her undead army. Who knows how that's working out for her.”

~continued~

21-Aug-2007 09:14:15 - Last edited on 21-Aug-2007 09:42:22 by Dreamweaver

Aug

2003

Dreamweaver

Posts: 3,790 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

“I don't know if I should even ask,” stammered Reldo, “But how did Queen Rashiliyia have a live dog in her service?”

“Oh I wasn't just a dog. At least, I didn't used to be. I was a God. I was up there with the other Gods, doing things that we Gods do, you know.”

“I'm not sure I do know what Gods d-”

“Well it's not important. Just meddling with things. Getting into trouble with the Major Deities, that sort of thing.”

Reldo fell slowly backwards again, jaw-dropped and speechless.

“We all used to do it. What else do you do with divine powers? But I've got to tell you this one story. Then you'll understand.”

Dog shuffled up onto his haunches, licked his lips, and swallowed before continuing.

“There was this time Guthix wanted to create a bridge. Guthix was always one for making bridges. Takes balance you know. And bridging the gap between opposites; that was kind of his thing. But this was the most ridiculous idea you ever saw. He ran it all the way from, err, what do you call it, Crash Island, to the Peninsula of Kharid to the east. I mean, that's hundreds of miles. Check a map some time. It's a long way! It was an insane project. He started at one end and worked his way slowly east across the sea, summoning the sea floor upwards into a narrow land bridge as he went. It took him months, I tell you.

“I don't know why I did what I did, but I just couldn't help myself. When he was about halfway across the sea, I floated myself out to a spot north of Crash Island and began to mimic the same chants he was using. Only, instead of aiming at the sea floor, I focused on Crash Island itself. Ever so slowly, I began to pull the whole Island towards me, too slow for Guthix to notice!”

~continued~

21-Aug-2007 09:14:15 - Last edited on 21-Aug-2007 09:22:01 by Dreamweaver

Aug

2003

Dreamweaver

Posts: 3,790 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Dog barked in glee.

“Oh it was wild! It was so hilarious! He was still building away, going dead straight to the east, while the island behind him was drifting north. After a couple of weeks, I zipped round to the south and started pulling it back, slowly slowly again, so Guthix still wouldn't detect anything. Of course, word got around to a load of the other minor deities, and they thought it was funny too. Either that, or they were just too scared to tell Guthix what I was doing. Bunch of cowards!”

“Unfortunately though, Guthix reached the Kharidian Peninsula right when I was getting Crash back to its original position, so I was hovering right there when he turned around to admire his glorious handiwork for the first time. I'll never forget his face! Instead of a beautiful, straight line of land leading all the way back to Crash Island, there was a great big kink where everything had bent. It dog-legged right, then it dog-legged left! I was laughing so hard!

“But Guthix absolutely freaked! And it was about then that I realised I was in big trouble. It's not such a good idea to get on the bad side of a Major God. He was yelling at me, 'Look at my bridge! You completely ruined it! It's bent like a... like a... it's totally destroyed!' He was in such an almighty rage that he stripped me of my divine powers right there and banished me to the Under-Sub-Below-World Abyss, or whatever it was I said, where Rashiliyia was hanging out.

“So now you know my story.”

Reldo picked himself up from the ground where he'd fallen, stunned. “So... so... so you're truly a God?”

“Arf. Yes.”

“Are you, I mean, my Lord can I ask... were you a God OF anything?”

“Absolutely. Every God has a title.”

“What was yours?”

~continued~

21-Aug-2007 09:14:16 - Last edited on 21-Aug-2007 09:49:02 by Dreamweaver

Aug

2003

Dreamweaver

Posts: 3,790 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Dog straightened his back and raised his head proudly.

“'Dog, God of Dyselxia. God of Dyxlesia. God of Dylxes... heck! God of Those who Cannot Spell.'”

Reldo immediately dropped reverentially to one knee and bowed low.

“Dog, God of Dyxlesia. I pray to thank you for your divine countenance. I shall worship you and the humbleness you have so righteously displayed before me. I shall forsake material wealth and seek only knowledge and understanding through the texts you deem sacred. I shall worship thy hallowed written word to the end of my days. Please allow me to become your disciple, your acolyte of the inscribed holy word of Dog. Tell me oh Lord, oh God of creative spelling, how shall I serve you?”

Reldo threw himself flat upon the ground, head bowed, trembling for the next divine word of Dog.

“Err, go start a library or something. And bring me a bone. A big one. And a stew. Or some steak.”

“My Lord and Divine Protector. Just as you command!” stammered Reldo, backing away and running off.

“Silly humans!” snarfed Dog, “They'll believe anything!”

~Dreamweaver~
August, 2007

21-Aug-2007 09:14:30 - Last edited on 21-Aug-2007 09:24:39 by Dreamweaver

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Dreamweaver's Assorted Tales