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Vrangr Wayne

Vrangr Wayne

Posts: 6,414 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
well as you said to post it on here and you could try and give me a hand ill post a part i feel is a little halty or jumpy
this is the section(chapter) from my story, its not the worst but i feel like its jumping about a bit too much anyway
"The ultimatum
It was a calm day in august, and, as Torag noted, a slight breeze from the west. He again bent to his forge, “why does Dharok have to break so many cursed axe heads!” he muttered while tempering the 5th axehead he had made in the last month, seeing a shadow across his forge he looked up, a cloaked man stood in his doorway. As they locked eyes Torag felt a tingle go down his spine, who or whatever it was, it held great power. Then the stranger spoke, gesturing at the tools hanging on a cooling “You do good work Torag”the stranger said.
While puzzled how the stranger knew his name he decide to play it cool “I get by” he said “that is good, for I have a bit of a proposition for you and your brothers,” the Stranger said, boring into him with his eyes “I am in need of some…help, I need men who can lead an army” Torag was somewhat take back, he had heard about the skirmishes to the north, as had most of the town but he had not thought them significant. *so it will be war?” Torag asked “indeed it shall, the gods are even now gathering their forces, but the question is, will you be a part of it?” the brothers had dreamed since they where small of being soldiers, fighting for glory on the battlefield but now the opportunity presented itself he wasn’t sure he wanted in. “I will consult my brothers, but I warn you, the Kinshra approached us a month ago but we have yet to decide on their offer”
The stranger recoiled as if he had been struck, then cursed, muttering “they know, how could they know…” then he recovered “I expect an answer by the new moon” and with that he strode away, down the west road with his long shadow out behind him"
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
thats chapter one in my barrows brothers tale, let me know!

22-Aug-2010 23:49:11

The Flood456
Jun Member 2023

The Flood456

Posts: 1,634 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
sorry gonna be gone till friday or more, kina grounded of the computer for a week. I snuck on really quick to give you the info for chapter 17.
Title: Chapter 16: Napkin's disease
Note: Put a little thing saying like (weall knew this day would come) or something if you want
Topic: They go to doctor One Hot Stud's office and find out Napkin has some really weird disease from being usedasa napkinm all the time.
Description of Doctor's Office: Theres a sign on the door that says "Teh Docter eyes inn", theres blood and random body parts on the floor. His diploma is written out with many spelling mistakes in red, and hung up on the wall, laminated to prevent from being destroyed from all the blood. (theres even blood all over the walls from his bad work) The diploma is curiously written in the same color as the red crayola crayon lying on the desk. Doctor One Hot Stud wears a football helmet, as he has a small bit of downs.
Note: DO NOT KILL THE DOCTOR OFF! Im using him in the next chapter. And for all of you too stupid to know who Doctor One Hot Stud is, heres a hit, read the name of the person who created the thread and the author of chapter 16.
Another note: feel free to take 2 or 3 posts to make the chapter, just dont over-do the description, as it is still a noob story.
Third note: I might be writing a serious story soon, I have some ideas going on in my head.
Yet another note: Haha your char is mentally challenged ^_^
5th and final note: this is actually the 6th note do to the earlier one
actual final note: It is almost midnight and im falling asleep at the keyboard, so sorry if I make no sense. Also this is the 7th note :)

24-Aug-2010 06:46:06

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