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The Story Of Castle Wars

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Mattman875

Mattman875

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Hey: this is nice. I love the tension and atmosphere created nicely by many of your sentences; and I like the way that you have provided lots of background information, and started off with a good, exciting raid.

At the start especially, your story seemed to consist mainly of huge clumps of text; I found this quite hard to digest. I'd suggest going through your writing again, and splitting some of it up into smaller paragraphs: if you have to, do so at the slightest change of subject.

Otherwise, your formatting was great; and the rest of your story was good. Keep on writing :D .

~Teacher of (GIVE)A/A and English at (ME)the Academy (MONEY)of Literature~ - Subliminal messages FTW! -

04-Jun-2007 17:00:06

Poller5
Dec Member 2023

Poller5

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"I tell you, he is taking no chances. Send more troups to Gornakhan, if we lose it then there is no other powerful stronghold to hold them off at until we reach our capitol at Zarankahn," the man argued. The hooded figure stood silent, a pillar of power, solid as a rock. Its eyes glowed brighter, then they dulled back down.

"I though I made it clear last time we met what the plan was," he hissed "However my Lord does not wish for this battle to be lost. He will send three more claws of goblins under the command of General Balktek. They should be there before the next full moon, in about half a tenday. If you can delay the battle that long then I doubt they will have any chance of defeating my forces."

"Yes, it shall be done. On a different note, the King sent an envoy to Ardougne requesting military-" the man started.

"What!? Why wasn't I told of this earlier?! If the forces of Ardougne join with them we will have a most difficult battle. Very well, I shall see to this one personally," the cloaked figure spat, his eyes flashing with anger, "Do not contact me again unless it is *very* important."

***

"My scouts report that we are less than three days from Korna'khesh. Your King's forces *are* there right now?" The King of Ardougne asked.

"Yes," sighed Gul'dan "My King should have reached Korna'khe** at least a tenday ago."

"Good, I would not want to walk into an ambu-" the King was interrupted by a sudden scream of pain from the army's right flank. Turning to look he saw a flash of light coming from a tall cloaked figure on a hill to the far right of the army. More men fell amid horrid screams of pain. "Archers, form up! Men, to arms!" the King howled over the screams coming from his men. Gul'dan ran off, his sword flashing in the midday sun. The cloaked figure was still shooting off the horrid flashes of light, and about fifty men were now dead.

04-Jun-2007 17:43:15 - Last edited on 16-Jun-2007 12:42:50 by Poller5

Poller5
Dec Member 2023

Poller5

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A division of archers from the Royal Guard, trained to be the best, let off a volley of arrows. Many would have hit their mark, even over the great distance, but the cloaked figure uttered a word and they split, as if hit by some godly hammerman. The cloaked figure now turned on the archers, and with a word blew the land out from under them. Dirt and men were sent flying with terrific force. Before the dust had even cleared a lance of energy leapt from the cloaked figure's finger and struck a troup commander, desperately trying to call his troups to order. The lance detonated upon impact and the resulting shockwave sent men sprawling, many now sporting broken teeth and ribs.

The cloaked figure's red eyes glowed with pleasure as he yelled across the field "Let it be known that your deaths are pointless, for the power of my Lord is absolute and even should you have participated in the battle you would have died as you die now!" The King bellowed for order, but his cries fell on deaf ears. The army of Ardougne, feared throughout the land for its amazing military prowess was now nothing but a chaotic melee of terrified men.

04-Jun-2007 17:52:25 - Last edited on 15-Jun-2007 18:15:37 by Poller5

Poller5
Dec Member 2023

Poller5

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Chapter 8

"Sir, did you feel that?" asked the excited student. The recipient of the question sat at a desk at the head of the room. Long blue robes covered his body, and down his front flowed a rippling white beard. The rest of the class looked up anxiously, eager to hear what the man had to say. They were all pupils at the Royal Academy of Magicks, and they had been studying the properties of elemental spells when they felt the disturbances in the magickal web that covered all of Glienor. Pouring over their textbooks they had felt a strange rippling all over their body.

"Indeed I did," answered the professor. One of the elder human professors at the Academy he was nearing his ninety-seventh year of life. Respected throughout the lands as both a powerful mage and a highly intelligent counsellor, he had started teaching five years previous. "Whatever has caused them used very powerful magick. I doubt even I cold cast a spell that would make you feel like that from such a distance. I must go discuss this with the Master of the Academy. In the mean time you can go down to the kitchens and use your newfound knowledge to help kill the chickens for tonight's dinner." The children, happy to get out of class so early and to test the extents of the power they had learned about quickly scrambled out of the room. The professor looked about the class to make sure there were no stragglers and then swept out of the room after them.

Running down the hallway the professor could feel the Master before he could actually see him. Rounding the corner to the Master's office the professor nearly ran straight into him. Though a dwarf and rather short the Master had a commanding presence, and in a room drew the attention of everyone else in it. The dwarves, well known for their military prowess, once had some of the most powerful magi in the land. However, in recent centuries fewer and fewer have been born.

04-Jun-2007 19:14:30 - Last edited on 16-Jun-2007 12:43:19 by Poller5

Poller5
Dec Member 2023

Poller5

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The Master was the last powerful dwarven mage born, and he was very proud of the legacy he carried. Old even by the standards of his ancient race, the Master was well over two hundred years old. "I felt it too," the Master stated plainly. Though spoken normally the Master's deep, gravelly voice carried and it seemed as if his words were coming at you from all directions. "I now travel to the Hall of Scrying where I will be able to view the source of this disturbance. Follow," the Master said as he swept past the professor.

The Hall of Scrying: a wonder of the modern magickal world. Contained in this room were hundreds of magical tools used to scry, from the humble silver mirror to the Dragon's Eye, a stone sphere carved from a gem found in a red dragon's hoarde. Six feet in diameter, the Dragon's Eye was the most powerful scrying artefact in existence. Created by the Archmage Akkarin in the first age of the world its power is still legendary. Unfortunately, such is its power that no man now alive can activate it, and all those who've tried had their minds twisted into demented forms of their old self. Unstable, they had to be killed, for they still had access to their magicks, but should their mind get to weak they could cause a leak of magick that would destroy their body and anything around it.

Gathered in the hall now were all of the professors from the Academy as well as the master. The master spoke a few words of greeting, and then dove straight into the matter at hand. "As I'm sure you all know spells of incredible power have been cast recently. Such power has not been known on Glienor since the gods fought. They have reached an agreement that they will not use their magic frivolously, for with it they have the capacity to destroy Glienor. The only mortal who ever could have cast spells of that might was Akkarin, greatest of our order."

04-Jun-2007 19:31:15 - Last edited on 15-Jun-2007 18:19:13 by Poller5

Poller5
Dec Member 2023

Poller5

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"However Akkarin disappeared over an age ago after going searching for a temple dedicated to a god of unknown evil. From this we can deduce that it was no mortal who cast that spell. A god, or a powerful agent of a god channelling his power, cast those spells. Now, let us see where they were cast." Pulling the cloth off of the table next to him the Master revealed a small black sphere. Uttering words of power in the spidery language of magic a flame stirred in the stone and then an image appeared. Chanting more words the image was projected into the air.

It showed to all in the room the source of the magical might: a Dread Wight. Known to be some of Zamorack's most powerful magic users in ages past it was thought that the race had been destroyed. Though mighty magic users they also had an unusually strong bond with their god, and could communicate to him anytime, anywhere, and get a response.

"Such a creature has not been seen in Glienor for centuries. It is a creature of evil and might, and it must be stopped. I will go now to confront it, and any of you may join me," the Master stated. Then, with a flash of light he was gone. A few of the professors looked at each other, then they too vanished, in poofs of smoke, or in pops, depending on the style of the caster.

04-Jun-2007 19:39:24 - Last edited on 15-Jun-2007 18:18:53 by Poller5

Mattman875

Mattman875

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!!! Awesome, brilliant, intense action. You're using great similes now: WOW!

This is really good: you should check your grammar and stuff, then apply to some guilds straight away :D .

Oh, one thing that lets you down a bit is grammar. I can't be bothered to go through it all now, but remember to end speech with a comma (usually) or a period/full stop.

:D

~Teacher of (GIVE)A/A and English at (ME)the Academy (MONEY)of Literature~ - Subliminal messages FTW! -

04-Jun-2007 19:50:02

Poller5
Dec Member 2023

Poller5

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Chapter 9

The cloaked figure sent another blast of energy at the army of Ardougne, scattering the men like ninepins. The words of power for his next spell were on his lips when a sudden force struck him in the back. The blow, which would have killed a human didn't seem to do any harm. Annoyed, he turned to see who had finally decided to fight back. Standing not fifty paces away was the Master, and behind him the professors were appearing. Sensing great power emanating from the Master the cloaked figure sent arcing jets of green light from his fingers. The Master was caught off guard by the sudden attack and was forced to through himself to the side to avoid them.

The professors now realized what they had to do. Using a technique devised by Arichstarsos, one of the first wizards, they polled their energy into one man. The professor who was chosen silently to use the power stood with his arms outstretched and started speaking in the oldest of tongues, and the most powerful. The words, which boiled the blood and sent shivers down the spine, incited rage and calmed anger, boomed and echoed across the battlefield. The Master joined the professors and began channelling his power too. Light flashed around the professors, centring on the man in their centre who was now floating slightly above the ground.

The cloaked figure hissed and in a final flourish sent flickering bolts of lightning into the professors before vanishing in a massive explosion. The professors struck by lightning fell, their souls ripped from their bodies by the horrific might of Zamorack. The explosion, though large, was not particularly powerful, only killing a few in the army, and only minorly injuring some of the professors.

***

"We welcome you here with open arms, for your aid will be necessary in the coming battle," the King of Varrock told the King of Ardougne as he entered Karna'khesh.

04-Jun-2007 20:47:50 - Last edited on 16-Jun-2007 12:43:41 by Poller5

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