110/125 Storyline: Your storyline was great, and you did a great job of creating a war. However, you need to work on flow throughout the story, including dialogue as you enter in action. During some parts of your story would be a long block of informing paragraphs or dialogue, which can tire a reader's eyes. Sometimes this is necessary, but not as fluently as it was used in your story.
85/100 Grammar: Your grammar was good, but you made occasional post-to-post errors, most including ending punctuation within quotation marks. Then again, this problem faded away. Your major grammatical error, though, was repit**ion. For example, NEARLY EVERY TIME you describe how Zamorak and the cloaked figure sided with him speak, you used the word 'hissed'. PLEASE use a thesaurus. Another example involves the Druids fending off the Zamorakians; you used the word 'tree beings' at least 5 times.
105/150 Character Development: Your characters never delved very deep. I never really knew too much about the main character's (his name escapes me, heh) family, or even how he looked! However, for developing and maintaining such a large amount of characters, you have been given a higher score.
100/125 Description/Creativity: Your creativity is incredible, and this story is completely uncliched, despite the fact that it deals with the infamous war issue. If simply reading on, the reader will see it isn't your everyday war. Sadly, though, your description wasn't as good as your creativity. What do these characters look like? During your first scene of action, I noticed NO description at all. This disappointed me greatly, for I had most anticipated this battlescene.
CONTINUED...
27-Jun-2007 09:23:48
- Last edited on
27-Jun-2007 09:28:23
by
Croc 2251
