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For the hell of war
Quick find code: 49-50-66-58349532
Alright lets do this. Now seeing as I started off one of my fist stories off just like yours (minus the scripted part) and seeing as I've evolved and progressed to winning an official story contest and being Head Administrator for The Novelist Guild I think I am qualified to give some constructive critism.
Let me start off by saying I do not like your story. Mostly because its poorly written, dull and leaves no lasting impression. It doesnt make me want to come back to finish it.
Now lets talk about what could make it better and some of its problems
1. Poor Grammar
2. Poor Spelling
3. Lack of a developed Plot
4. Unrelateable characters
How to fix this:
1 and 2. Take some time to read over your story, outloud that way you'll hear if it makes sense to your ears, and correct all mistakes that you find. If you do not have time to do so then you should just lock the thread and let it die. A writer has to have time to make their writing good.
3. Sit down reevaluate what you wanted to accomplish and what you want to get across with this story. Again if you don't have the time lock it and move on.
4. Do a character chart. Develop it. Make them relateable. Make me care about them. Characters are sandwhiches and right now yours are just bread. No meat, no cheese, no lettuce or anything. Just bread and no one likes to eat just a bread sandwhich.
-----= Pacarrd =------
-= 2009/2010 Contest Winner=-
--= Head Administrator=--
;)
:D
P.S: If you consider this me talking trash lets look at this. You are level 99 I am 104 and I have absolutely no problem with "backing up" my "trash" I frequent The Word (owner Dreamweaver)
P.P.S: 13
P.P.P.S: DO NOT cross runescape things and modern things. I.E Guns and Runescape Armor. Runescape and Mordern war video game quotes and scenes. All this = BAD!
P.P.P.P.S: One more thing to make it more...I don't know the word try using an actual runescape calandar. You can find one here
QFC: 49-50-201-58780963
Let me start off by saying I do not like your story. Mostly because its poorly written, dull and leaves no lasting impression. It doesnt make me want to come back to finish it.
Now lets talk about what could make it better and some of its problems
1. Poor Grammar
2. Poor Spelling
3. Lack of a developed Plot
4. Unrelateable characters
How to fix this:
1 and 2. Take some time to read over your story, outloud that way you'll hear if it makes sense to your ears, and correct all mistakes that you find. If you do not have time to do so then you should just lock the thread and let it die. A writer has to have time to make their writing good.
3. Sit down reevaluate what you wanted to accomplish and what you want to get across with this story. Again if you don't have the time lock it and move on.
4. Do a character chart. Develop it. Make them relateable. Make me care about them. Characters are sandwhiches and right now yours are just bread. No meat, no cheese, no lettuce or anything. Just bread and no one likes to eat just a bread sandwhich.
-----= Pacarrd =------
-= 2009/2010 Contest Winner=-
--= Head Administrator=--
;)
:D
P.S: If you consider this me talking trash lets look at this. You are level 99 I am 104 and I have absolutely no problem with "backing up" my "trash" I frequent The Word (owner Dreamweaver)
P.P.S: 13
P.P.P.S: DO NOT cross runescape things and modern things. I.E Guns and Runescape Armor. Runescape and Mordern war video game quotes and scenes. All this = BAD!
P.P.P.P.S: One more thing to make it more...I don't know the word try using an actual runescape calandar. You can find one here
QFC: 49-50-201-58780963
28-Feb-2010 01:51:25 - Last edited on 28-Feb-2010 14:42:51 by Supreme Pac
- Level -
________________________________________________
What level?
28-Feb-2010 14:42:14
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