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Logan Shafts
Dec Member 2023

Logan Shafts

Posts: 3,211 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
English:
I just want you to have the power if you have the time - Don't worry about checking in all the time, just if you happen to be reading and feel like doing something 'editorial', do it. =p
Crocefisso:
Same as above - I don't want it to be a chore.
I'm putting you both down. Thanks for your help. =]

13-Sep-2010 19:11:00

LovelyMelons

LovelyMelons

Posts: 1,086 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I believe 'The Babe' was a bit to long and wordy, as it lacked brevity and a connection between the main character and the reader. That is why I have edited it and made it so perhaps the reader will show compassion towards the man, and maybe even sympathetic thoughts. I have also renamed it "Dead, but Unforgotten." Here's the new entry, please replace 'The Babe', thanks. :)

14-Sep-2010 06:38:04

LovelyMelons

LovelyMelons

Posts: 1,086 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
The man resided beside the tombstone, kneeling solemnly as he removed the blackened roses from the bedding. His hands dug into the soil, unearthing the reddened coffin. Dirt crawled underneath his fingernails, his worn hands pounding into the earth, shaking as he grasped the rusted holds positioned on either side of the casket. He tugged on the brass handles, the rotted wood crumbling into nothing as he craned it from the grave. He dropped it on the grassy bedding abiding by the grave, his sweat dribbling relentlessly from his brow into his eyes. He collapsed onto the ground, his body exhausted from such physical exertion. The pair lay motionless, not a breath residing in either. Both the corpse and the man were motionless, both as still as time itself; the man slowly opened his eyes, inch by inch.
He rolled onto his side, wheezing as he squirmed about. He managed to traipse himself up, standing crookedly on one foot. He shook the feeling off, breathing hard through his nostrils. He bent over to the coffin and attempted to open it; his hand broke through the wasted wood, splinters digging into his flesh as he tore through it. His eyes fell upon the decayed corpse, its deathly splendor morbidly portrayed through its elegant eyes, staring blankly into the man’s face. He slipped his arms through the cracks, getting under the limp body with his bare hands. He lifted the delicate carcass slowly, oh so slowly, ensuring every precious little detail was left uncontaminated. He held the cadaver in his arms, hardly a motherly cradle.
He stood passively, posturing himself into his correct, formal position. He turned his head to the frail body, gazing into it’s deteriorated eyes. He smiled presently, warmly clutching the deceased babe to his chest. He turned to the vacant streets behind him, dreaming of him and his child playing side by side together in harmony. He sighed expressively, his feet forming a rattling walking pace.

14-Sep-2010 06:38:47

LovelyMelons

LovelyMelons

Posts: 1,086 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
He began to pick up a brisk trot, advancing across the necropolis grounds. The man glanced at the shriveled stiff of his infant son, tears streaming down his face. He spoke aloud with great passion and sensitivity; he spoke his heart’s content. “My son, you are dead, but unforgotten."

~END~

14-Sep-2010 06:39:25 - Last edited on 14-Sep-2010 06:39:57 by LovelyMelons

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