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Chuk

Chuk

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Yrolg, I read your entry from last week. Couldn't come up with too much to comment on, so I'll try again tomorrow, to at least give you a little feedback. Anything I should look for specifically?
Delnaz, same question for you. Anything you want me to pay particular attention to?

18-Jul-2012 11:33:00 - Last edited on 18-Jul-2012 11:49:42 by Chuk

Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Honestly I think my entry last week was a shoddy excuse for writing, I think it has a lot of weaknesses and I almost wrote it as a stream of consciousness piece from the scene I had in my head. It was pitiful. So you can focus on anywhere you want, as it was an extemporaneous composition in the dark of the night after a long final exam.
As I find the time to look through your and Poller's pieces, is there anything you'd like me to focus my thoughts on? It will be a slow process, but I'd like to make it at least somewhat helpful.

18-Jul-2012 16:51:40 - Last edited on 18-Jul-2012 16:55:20 by Yrolg

Chuk

Chuk

Posts: 14,177 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
My piece was pretty terrible from last week, I'd say. So honestly, either pick out something I did poorly that isn't obvious (something I might overlook because of the general lack of quality), or focus on the few things I might've got right, because I've got a whole long list of stuff I wish I'd done better.

18-Jul-2012 22:19:45 - Last edited on 18-Jul-2012 22:24:26 by Chuk

Zmaster07

Zmaster07

Posts: 416 Silver Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
This was it.
I had no doubt in my mind that this was going to end it. For good or bad, I had no idea. If you held a dagger to my throat and demanded for me to say whether it would fail or succeed, I would say 'tell my family I love them'.
A dagger was thrown at me out of nowhere as if confirming my thought.
Twisting my shield in front of my chest, my arm jolted when the dagger hit.
The point of the dagger stood a foot away from my heart.
I wiped away some persperation from my brow, and threw the shield down.
Oh well.
I had one mission.
I couldn't fail.
Through werewolves I ran, through hellhounds I bounded,ducking and turning in a dance, I somehow made it to him. Lucien faced me head on with his demonic staff twirling around his head in a flame of fire.
'
'Sallamakar Ro!'
Spit out Lucien in his deep voice.
Apparently he had learned something from Kamil.
I jumped to the side, as the place where I had just been was covered with frost.
Lucien turned around and cast it again.
This time I stood my ground.
When I felt the force of the spell about to descend upon me, I raised my hands to the sky and prayed to saradomin that this would work.
I felt a golden glow surround me.
Lucien's spell faltered.
I stood up straight and extened my arm towards lucien.
A burst of blood arose from the battle field and sailed towards him, who ducked and slashed at it with his staff knocking it to the ground.
Apparently magic wouldn't work.
Using the power coursing through my veins, I summoned excalifer, my sword.
Eagerly it came to my hand.
The battle started then.
Lucien waited and when I was in range, pressed a button on his staff/bow and it gained a spike on top and slim on the side. I danced backwards out of reach.Again and again he slashed and I tipped away. He growled in frustration. Taking advantage of his fury, I feinted to the left, and when he fell for the bait, I slashed his knee and sauntered away my back to him. 'Coward!' He yelled, and brought an arro

19-Jul-2012 01:54:58

Zmaster07

Zmaster07

Posts: 416 Silver Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
ing it back to his chin.
The arrow glowed with a green glow, that contained all the evil in Runescape.
If Lucien imbued it into an arrow, that meant that whoever was killed inhanced his power. I had seen it claim only few lives. It only was used in dire circumstances.
I had almost given up hope, when my eyes met Lucien's. They were full of fear. That was all I needed. The arrow flew. So did my sword.
'Sallamakar Ro!'
I was frozen in place as if in slow mo, the arrow flew towards me, impaling me in my heart. I fell as Lucien rose, and caught my sword mid-flight. He now stood 20 feet tall. I could feal my strength ebbing away, getting drained by Lucien, as if the arrow didn't wound my flesh, just my soul.
With all my willpower I stared into Lucien's eyes a mass of black, and summonded Saradomin. In a blinding flash of light, zamorak was drawn out of Lucien and collapsed into a collumn of dust that rose up into the sky. Lucien stood up, bewhildered.
"Where am I?" He asked, collapsing as soon as he tried to stand up.
"You are safe."

19-Jul-2012 01:56:41

Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
You weren't technically added to the Center yet, Zmaster07. I see no harm in you continuing to post, but you should be a bit more careful next time, as Lebbeh was actually aiming to fill the open spot on the list. You might try to format your stories more similarly to the rest of ours, as it is much easier on the eyes to read stories format in that way. (With blank spaces between paragraphs, only full paragraphs in posts, etc.)
As I said, I see no harm in you continuing to post for the time being, so long as you're following the protocol laid out in the thread. I thought I clarified that protocol yesterday when I said that stories posted here should not be posted elsewhere on these forums. This is not merely an anthology to gather feedback or garner attention; it is a Center for collaboration in praxis compositio. Posting it multiple times on the forums is simply duplicitous.

19-Jul-2012 04:43:40 - Last edited on 19-Jul-2012 04:53:22 by Yrolg

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