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Yrolg

Yrolg

Posts: 25,296 Sapphire Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
The purpose of having you use a story that's never been posted before is to ensure that you are writing it for this application, thus showcasing your most recent talents in a concise format. As the usage of the application's components after it has been adjudicated doesn't necessarily alter their substance, purpose, or validity, I see no reason why you shouldn't be allowed to use your included story following review.
This is, of course, only my opinion.

24-Aug-2010 02:52:09

Uber141

Uber141

Posts: 4,394 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Cannednoob,
You mustn't understand fully. When you apply, you must always post a 4,000 character short story that (if I'm correct) has not already been used in a previous application, or anywhere on the forums.
Signed,
Uber141
P.S. I know I'm actually not supposed to post until I've been accepted (if I'm accepted :P ) but I just figured it would be nice of me to point that out before his application gets denied.
P.S.S. Yrol*, you seem pretty right on with that opinion. ;)

24-Aug-2010 15:30:24 - Last edited on 24-Aug-2010 20:47:08 by Uber141

A White Wolf

A White Wolf

Posts: 8,377 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
You're very correct that the purpose of using a brand-new piece is to showcase most recent talents in a concise way. Another large part of the rationale is that I believe brevity to be an oft-neglected, rather important aspect to writing.
Pardon me if I misunderstand, Yrolg, but are you commenting that one should be able to post their application short elsewhere or use it for other devices after it's been reviewed? Or do you mean that a denied author should be allowed to fix mistakes in their recently adjudicated piece and then re-apply with it?
I have no problem with writers using their 2-post shorts elsewhere for whatever they'd like. However, if the latter is your meaning, I would counter by saying that its quite easy to correct and copy-edit when someone is instructing how to fix it; a fresh application of talents in the form of a new story, on the other hand, shows a more thorough grasp of the points I'd enumerated, or the lack thereof.
Canned, you need to write a new short story for your second application.
Also, geez. 3 applicants at once? I'm going to die, haha. I'll try to get these done over the weekend.
EDIT: Durr. Just read James' post, which clarifies your meaning Yrolg.
Yes James, you're free to post your short wherever you'd like after you're reviewed.

26-Aug-2010 17:53:51 - Last edited on 26-Aug-2010 17:55:39 by A White Wolf

A White Wolf

A White Wolf

Posts: 8,377 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"Lightning flashed, and thunder rolled."
Kind of a literary cliche; be mindful of cliches while crafting your introduction. Unless you're purposefully creating such for purposes of satire or irony, you don't want people to see something and say, "this intro again?"
"Rain pelted my gleaming armor as I charged over the bridge, and into the flooded streets of Falador."
You don't need the comma after bridge; you only need a comma to separate independent and dependent clauses. You merely have a compound object, using prepositional phrases as the objects. "I charged over and into," to simplify.
"All of us seemed to realize that this would not yield the creature we were preparing to face."
Well, to be frank, soldiers would be -hoping- the wall wouldn't yield to the creature. Yielding means giving way, and they would certainly not want their wall to give way to this beast.
"We were shaking in our boots; not from fear, but from being drenched from head to toe, icy water swirling at our knees."
Semicolons only join independent clauses that could stand alone. "not from fear, but from being drenched from head to toe[...]" is a dependent clause, because it depends on the first clause to give it its completion and meaning; it cannot stand alone.
A better use of punctuation here would be an endash, often denoted by two hyphens together, to set the action apart. Good description in this sentence though.
""Status report!" boomed a deep voice from my rear. I craned my neck to see our commander riding in on his war stallion."
This made me laugh, because this highlights how important preposition placement is to avoid hilarious double meanings and ambiguous wordings.
So...is a deep voice booming from his rear? Which then has a stallion riding into it? Hahaha. You may want to reword that to not have such a silly unintended meaning; "Status report!" a deep voice from behind me boomed. I craned my neck to see our commander riding in on his war stallion."

03-Sep-2010 08:19:23 - Last edited on 03-Sep-2010 08:36:58 by A White Wolf

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