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The Thief's Apprentice.

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Levente

Levente

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The dwarf showed a large amount of fear but he did not move from his spot. They stared at each other, with tension thick as knives between them. “Report me then, you slim,” Blafor whispered. “But they are not staying here, so report me then and I'll make you life worst than hell.”
Slowly, the man withdrew and left the tent. “Damn Merlock ..” said Neiko. “I remember him from my last trip here, still a bundled up sock he is.”
Star tightened her grip on Nathan's hand when she heard Blafor's threats but now started to loosen it. “Blafor, we need to stay.” Neiko said lightly. The huge rugged man looked at her and then stared at the multi-colored rug they sat on. He stared at it for a long and quiet period of time, with nothing but the wind humming from the outside. “Come with me, and follow close.” he finally said and he lead them outside of the tent.
They walked past the soldiers, and into decaying city. The walls of the surrounding homes were made from smooth sandstone and they each had a small window shaped into the rock. There were often small rags hanging from the top of the windows to shade and cool the inside. The surrounding buildings were tall and stood four and even sometimes five stories high, creating a hot shade around them. The inside of the buildings looked cool and largely spaced from what Nathan could tell, causing Nathan to think of a cool bath and warm bed. They have been on the road for such a long time, and a small luxury as this, teased not only Nathan but Star and Neiko as well.
“Go down this street and find some clothes for yourselves. Do your business and then leave, for if the court finds you here the penalty is death. Your horses are fine, look for a stable called Tevlo's and they are there. Just ask around cause its a popular place and I'm always at the 'Sand's Stop Tavern' at night. Neiko you know where to go.” Blafor said quickly and calmly, explaining what they must do.

04-Dec-2009 00:36:18 - Last edited on 04-Dec-2009 00:36:50 by Levente

Levente

Levente

Posts: 4,675 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Nathan gave a small nod to Blafor, and then they carefully navigated down the empty streets.

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You may post =D .. please tell me if you see any errors or grammatical problems. TY ^_^

04-Dec-2009 00:37:28

Gothblackcat
Sep Member 2023

Gothblackcat

Posts: 3,806 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I love it! The whole story; the plot, the characters, the setting. You've got an amazing talent. =D
There's two things that bother me, not too much, but I thought I'd point them out. ^_^ First, in some of your dialogue I've noticed "..."s in certain sentences and I feel as a reader they're somewhat hard to understand. And second, you often use "cause" in place of "because", making it slightly confusing. Don't feel you have to change anything, it's your story, do whatever you want with it!
I love how some of the characters, for example, one of the guards (not sure what chapter or where, sorry!) had some sort of an accent, showing the reader the guard had grown up in a different area than the main characters.
I had not expected the burning of the inn! It was an unfortunate and unexpected surprise that turned the story around... in a great way!
Your chapters are more than a post long, too; I like that. ;)
The dreams Nathan has are very interesting and I wonder what could become of them.... O_o
A large thank you from me (and probably everybody who's set their eyes on it) for writing this wonderfully entertaining story I've read while smithing! I'll continue coming back to read more of this very yummy story.
»GBC«

06-Dec-2009 01:59:05

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