Ah, your debut of the Stories Forum. I did read on Tarot that your earlier story would not be worth reading, though it is also important to reflect upon earlier works for personal learning. I have learned much from rereading my own early stories, seeing many issues that needed fixing and adjustment.
Well, the story's introduction is fairly clichéd, unsurprisingly, it's not like one should expect another's first story to have the expanse of Tolkien or Stephen King or what have you. So, there is an evil force that wants to conquer the world, spreading its darkness, as it has nothing better to do I suppose.
"Dark soldiers flocked onto the roof of Lumbridge Castle,"
How did they get up there? I'm assuming that they stormed the courtyard, forced the entrance open, and took the castle that way.
"From behind, a dark blade cut into the Leader’s back; he gurgled, and blood flew from his jaw."
If he wore the armour of a knight, there is no way to cut through the armour. And how did someone managed to sneak up on him like that?
So far, there is a lack of description. For instance, I do not know what the warriors are wearing, what kind of armour they have, how they are fighting, or what type of sword they are wielding. Do they wield traditional cut and thrust swords, longswords, godenaks, falchions, messers, smallswords, kords, sabres, estocs - you get the point. You also overuse the word dark, though I suppose it doesn't really matter now, but I'll comment as if I read this two years ago.
On Chapter 1, the transformation of the castle seems to have immediate. Although not mentioned, it does feel like the changes occurred overnight.
Hey, I recall reading this story I think two years ago-ish, though it seems that I did not finish it.
01-Jan-2013 21:32:39
