forums.rs

Forums

Feel the Silence

Quick find code: 49-50-531-56681643

of 97
Crystal Smee

Crystal Smee

Posts: 7,994 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Once inside the castle, she wound her way back to the kitchens, where she knew she’d find Lucas’ father, Jethro. Her steps dragged as she neared, nerves settling like ice into the pit of her stomach. What was she going to say? ‘If something happens to my son, girl, it’s on you,’ Jethro had said to her. She feared the anger she knew he would direct at her, the same way she directed her anger at James and her father. They all desperately wanted someone to blame.
Maybe Lucas was the one to blame, she thought to herself.
Tears sprung to her eyes. That was just plain foolish.
She edged through the door into the kitchen, dodging a page juggling three goblets of wine on a platter. Inside, she scanned the room and soon found Jethro, at his usual place near the ovens. Sweat ran through his stringy hair and made his apron stick to his bare chest. As soon as she spotted him, he looked up, wiping his brow and frowning.
“Justine,” he said when she reached him.
“I have news.”
“Well?”
“Not * not here,” she shouted over the clamor of the kitchen. “Where is Marie?”
He jerked a thumb over his shoulder toward where she knew their home was.
“She should hear this too.”
Jethro abruptly went very still, and she knew he could guess what she was about to tell him, the way she knew before her father said anything the night before. He let go of the dough he was kneading and wiped his hands methodically on his apron. “Let’s go.”
They walked in silence out of the back exit and across a small courtyard to the small cabins that belonged to the servants. Marie was outside, washing laundry in a pail of dirty water. Jethro nodded toward the house. “News,” he said gruffly. Justine avoided Lucas’ mother’s gaze. Inside, they all sat down around the uneven table. Justine folded her hands in her lap and stared at her whitened knuckles. His parents waited for her to speak.

15-Jun-2010 23:54:42

Crystal Smee

Crystal Smee

Posts: 7,994 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
“There was, um, a battle in Falador.” Her voice hitched, and she swallowed, cleared her throat, and began again. “They drew all the reserves from the city – well, that’s um, not important. This was a few weeks ago. The messengers only just made it in, last night. Lucas, he, he,” here she broke down. Quickly, she tried to recover herself. Jethro and Marie were both crying; they knew what she had to say.
“He took injury in the leg,” she managed.
“Is that all?” Marie gasped, in a surge of blind hope.
Justine bowed her head. “It was fatal,” she said in a low voice. Jethro and Marie held each other, sobbing. Justine sat crying alone, until Marie said her name, and waved her over. Justine moved towards her, and Lucas’ mother folded her into her arms, holding her tightly.
Eventually Justine pulled away. “I should go,” she said, sniffling.
Marie grabbed her arm. “Don’t. Stay.”
Justine looked up with wide eyes.
“We were going to have dinner soon. After Jethro finished his work for the afternoon in the kitchens. You could stay, if you wanted.”
“Are you sure?”
Jethro grunted. “Don’t have much of an appetite.”
“I don’t think any of us do,” Justine agreed. “I understand.”
Marie’s red eyes pleaded with her. “You shouldn’t be alone,” she said. Justine understood. Marie did*’t want to be alone either.
“All right,” she consented.
Jethro rose from the table and left the cottage, slamming the door behind him.
End of Chapter

15-Jun-2010 23:55:17

Chuk

Chuk

Posts: 14,177 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Mental breakdown definitely came across. Some of the transitions were a bit confusing. Other than that, it's decent. For you. Which means it's still upper tier for these forums.
If you worked on transitions, and maybe just a little more clarity, it'd be excellent.
The last two posts were definitely better, as well. I might say some of the best I've seen you write. Simple, but not understating the emotion. Nice job.

16-Jun-2010 06:07:26 - Last edited on 16-Jun-2010 06:09:41 by Chuk

Crystal Smee

Crystal Smee

Posts: 7,994 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Thanks. Ugh yeah, I'm not proud of that long string of adds. I kind of pieced it together writing little sentences or strings of dialogue at a time, which clearly doesn't work >_<
Simple and clear is what I worked on all year in my writing class, and I definitely got it down (my senior paper story won an award and I'm trying to get it published, yay :D ) but I've got to transfer it to this, which would benefit from that style. It may take me a while to shift the way I've been writing this. I plan to work hard on this summer, so hopefully, it'll get better. :) Thanks for reading.

16-Jun-2010 22:52:38

[#ELQROJXBB]

[#ELQROJXBB]

Posts: 45 Bronze Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Hi,I've been following your stories for a long time,and I can now post because you only need a total level of 500 to post.I really love your stories,an think you should try publish them.
Also,it's sort of hard you actually have to exert effort to publish your writing,because I've only seen one other story on the Runescape Forum matching yours,which is the Fatal Glitch.

17-Jun-2010 20:14:14

Crystal Smee

Crystal Smee

Posts: 7,994 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
VI
As the sky changed from dark blue to pale rose, Lucas and his fellow soldiers retraced their steps back through the woods towards Port Sarim. They were moving slowly to accommodate for injured soldiers, Lucas among them, and it would take days to cover the same ground they had marched through in a single night. Swinging along on crutches that dug uncomfortably into his armpits, Lucas had plenty of time to think. He wished he did*’t; he would’ve given anything to have his mind be blissfully blank, but not even the constant jarring pain in his leg every time his crutches scrabbled for purchase in the loamy earth could distract him.
The previous night he’d slept in fits and starts, staring out the windows of the warehouse and waiting for the horn to wake up. He hadn’t slept well in days, not since the deep coma-like sleep he’d had directly following his injury. Now he had healed enough for the pain to be a nuisance that kept him awake, despite his exhaustion, and when he finally did drift off, images of the battle haunted him. Awake now, hobbling through the woods, he was too tired to control his mind, and his thoughts constantly worried at the guilt.
He kept remembering the time he’d spent on the walls during the battle. He remembered the pull of the bow in his hands, the way the arrow had leapt so eagerly downward. He remembered the first time a soldier had fallen to one of his arrows. It had cut easily through the man’s armor to lodge in the center of his chest. The Kandarin had stumbled back with the force of the blow, then the sword had fallen from his slack hands and he crumpled to the ground. Lucas watched him fall again and again, felt the arrow jump from his hands, and remembered the way his hands and instantly reached for the quiver, to load again. He remembered the numbness – there was no numbness now.

30-Jun-2010 01:38:31

Crystal Smee

Crystal Smee

Posts: 7,994 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Now he felt the emotions of what he’d done, of the arrow that had cut into a man’s throat. He’d turned away when he saw the blood spurt from the wound, but now, reliving the memory, he wanted to turn back, to watch what he had caused. He hadn’t paid attention to the cacophony of sounds during the battle and now couldn’t remember it, but he wished he could, so he could pick out the screams of the deaths he was responsible for.
That was what nagged at him. He hadn’t even been able to hear them scream. He was too far away. The sounds never would have even reached him. He’d never seen their faces; from his angle he mostly saw the tops of their helmets or masses of matted black hair. He never got the chance to see emotions on their face. He had no sense of their humanity what so ever. And they never had the chance to see their death coming. They were standing, waiting their turn to climb the ladders, when the arrow struck from above. They had no defense. He’d killed indiscriminately, without ever being attacked.
They would’ve attacked him once they’d climbed the ladders, he told himself. But down there, they had done nothing to him yet. He shot them out of fear. He shot them because that was why he was here; he’d been brought here to kill. And what for? A war that had nothing to do with him. He thought of his history books, of how scholars, men like he would have been, would someday write, “When the kingdom of Kandarin mounted their siege on Falador, the army of Misthalin was ready, nobly defending the weaker kingdom of Asgarnia.” Noble, his ass. There was nothing noble about killing. There was nothing noble about the vibration of a bowstring up his arm, of watching an arrow silently cut death into another innocent body.
He stumbled, suddenly feeling sick, and tumbled sideways into a sitting position. Suddenly Derrick was at his side, propping him up. “Lucas, you all right?”

30-Jun-2010 01:39:01

Quick find code: 49-50-531-56681643 Back to Top