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Feel the Silence

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Crystal Smee

Crystal Smee

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Lucas leaned heavily against a crate in the warehouse, surrounded by the other members of the team. They’d been assembled and gathered in the back of the building, Travis and Jonah standing before them, and waited for them to speak. Jonah sat on a crate like all the others; he looked exhausted, with his graying hair pulled from its neat part, his clothes stained with blood. His arms were draped loosely over his knees, and he studied the floor with great interest. “Travis,” he said finally, not looking up, “should we begin?”
“Sure, boss. Okay, you all, listen up. The head honchos don’t plan on telling any of you anything at all, really, about where we go from here, so it’s up to Jonah and me to fill in the blanks for you. Basically, winning Falador was a huge step for us. Huge. That’s kind of what it was all about, really, was saving Falador – that’s what they were after. I mean, obviously they want the whole country, but if they got Falador, they’d have the country.”
“Get to the point,” Jonah said, but his voice lacked its usual edge. He just sounded tired.
“Of course, boss. Originally we were set to go on a mission to Brimhaven, take out the colony, and so on. This was more of a preemptive strike – the powers that be thought if we went into their land, knocked them around for a change, it would draw them back, take their eyes off Falador for a bit. Well, now, obviously, we don’t need that – they moved faster than we thought, but we headed them off. Good for us. Well, the wonderful Prince James, way back in Varrock on his pretty little throne, has decided that this isn’t enough. The Kandarins have bullied us too many times. And now, well, we’ve knocked them down, and pretty Prince James says that we can’t let them get back up.”
“We’re still going to Brimhaven,” Jonah said.

16-Feb-2010 22:56:58

Crystal Smee

Crystal Smee

Posts: 7,994 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
“Yes, thank you, boss. The mission is still on. A lot less pressure, but still, his Majesty would love for us to steal away this colony from them. We set up there, fortify it, keep a watchful eye on them – they’ll never be able to do anything, ever again. So I guess maybe there is pressure. So, basically, we’re heading out tomorrow, and we’ll go as we planned before. Hike to Port Sarim, hop on a ship, sail down to Karamja. We’ll get a day or two in Port Sarim while they stock the ship to relax, but on the ship, we’ll be all business.”
“Training,” Jonah supplied. “Hard training. What I saw here was disgusting; you’re a bunch of boys who don’t know how to fight. That’s going to change. I’m not trusting this mission to children.”
Travis grinned. “It’ll be loads of fun, boss. So, you’ve all got a few hours to grab your gear, then meet back here at daylight.”
As the group began to disperse, Lucas hopped over to Jonah on his crutches. Jonah was talking to Travis, but broke off when he saw Lucas and gave him a hard stare. Lucas stammered, “I was just wondering – am I still – do you still want me to – because my leg…”
“Can you make it to Port Sarim?”
“I – think so.”
“Give me a real answer, Myren,” he snapped. Lucas missed the slight emphasis on the name.
“I can, sir. On a decent road. Not really through the woods. Sir.”
“Better. Then you’re coming. You’ll walk by the time we reach Karamja.”
Lucas nodded, then slowly hopped away. His gear was already gathered; there was precious little of it, and it was all stuffed in his pack already. Just the remains of his tent and bed roll, a spare shirt, and his stack of letters. He couldn’t wait to mail them when he got to Port Sarim. It would be odd for Justine, receiving all of them at once, but he’d carefully dated them, and he hoped she would read them in the correct order. The one letter he had from Justine was carefully stashed in his pocket, where he could touch it whenever he needed to.

16-Feb-2010 22:57:50

Crystal Smee

Crystal Smee

Posts: 7,994 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
So, he had some time to kill. He made his way back out to the street, where he’d stood before. He was drawn to this spot, addicted to watching the city, although nothing changed in these small hours that had passed since the battle ended. Day after day he stood here, as if waiting for something. Now the sun was rising with the smoke, pale pink over a city already running with blood. There was still very little light, just a changing in the sky, and the city appeared black with shadows to his eyes. As he stood in the center of the street, watching the destruction around him, he supposed this was what it meant to have a heavy heart. His chest literally felt weighed down with the burden of all that had happened.
For once he did*’t think of Justine, but instead everything that had happened since he had left her, and what it all meant for him. In these days that had passed, he had not slept more than a few moments. When he closed his eyes, the images flooded the blank undersides of his eyelids and kept him captivated, horrified yet unable to turn away. It wasn’t the gory murders he had witnessed that haunted him, although they did make up his dreams from time to time; it was the faces that passed behind his eyes, and it was the meaning of all that had happened that weighed down his heart. How many lives had he destroyed?
“Stop,” he muttered, and began to walk toward the walls, just to be moving if nothing else. When he was moving, he seemed to be able to shrug some of it off and clear his head. Thoughts did*’t come easy these days. It wasn’t easy with his crutches, but he managed to clamber up the broken steps and emerge on the top, gasping for breath. Still, it was worth the effort – the air up here seemed cleaner somehow, when he could see beyond the walls to the vast fields and forests surrounding the city. He felt safer there.

16-Feb-2010 23:02:44

Crystal Smee

Crystal Smee

Posts: 7,994 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Security was a feeling that eluded him often now. Even in his waking hours, even though the danger was past, he found himself always looking over his shoulder. He knew no more soldiers would come after him; what he feared was the bodies of the dead rising up for vengeance. He had stolen their lives – how could they not come back and take his in return? It was foolish, he told himself. They were dead. But he never felt safe, never felt that he could really get away after all the destruction he had caused.
The walls did*’t really provide as much sanctuary as he had hoped. No one had climbed up there yet to remove the bodies, and they were heaped against the battlements, still laying as they had fallen in battle, forcing him to pick his way among them and clamber over limbs and discarded weapons. The ground was sloped and cracked, and even non-existant in some places. He held his breath, trying to ignore the stench and the dead stares of his companions slumped on the stones, but they penetrated within him, asking him why he was alive, and they were dead.
It reminded him of Martin lying lifeless on the sand, the swordhilt still protruding from his back. Had he kept his promise? Had he made his life something worth saving? Well, he had certainly killed many people. He had no idea how many; he did*’t even remember most of the killings. This upset Lucas – how could he not remember the lives he had taken, their faces, the moment when they died? What was happening to him? Would Martin have remembered their faces, or would he not have cared? And which was the mark of a good soldier – to be drowned with the guilt, or to have an uncanny ability to let it all go? Lucas was stuck somewhere in the middle…he couldn’t remember, and that only made the guilt worse.

16-Feb-2010 23:03:05

Crystal Smee

Crystal Smee

Posts: 7,994 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
With Martin gone, who could answer these questions for him? he wondered sadly.
He scanned the broken bodies down below, looking for a familiar face. But all the burly beards and blood-stained uniforms looked the same. For a while, he merely studied the faces before him, trying to read their features. Everything he had ever heard about the Kandarins was that they were bloodthirsty, powerhungry barbarians. Was it true? How many of these men wrote letters to their own Justines back home? How many had children anxiously awaiting their return? They were human, after all. These were real people, with real lives, no matter what the propaganda all around the city said. And how had he taken those lives away, destroyed entire families, and for what? They would have done the same to you, Martin’s voice said in the back of his mind. They did it to me.
“That’s not an excuse,” he said aloud. “This never should have happened.”
“Talking to yourself now, Myren?” Lucas whirled around, coming face to face with Jonah. “You’re right,” the old soldier sighed, with a sad smile.
“What are you doing up here?” he stammered
“Same as you. Escaping.”
“It’s not working.”
“Nope. Never does. How’s the leg?”
“Better. I heard I have you to thank for it being there at all,” Lucas added shyly.
“I’ve seen too many men crippled. A kid like you – I did*’t want to see that.”
Lucas stiffened. “I’m not a kid.”
“You may think you’re not anymore, with what you’ve been through. But you’re still a child. Until you start acting like a man, you’re still a child.”
“I’ve killed,” Lucas snarled. “I think that qualifies me.”
Jonah laughed softly. “Anyone can kill.” He looked pointedly at Lucas, right in the eyes. “Did you get your letter back?”
“Yeah.” Lucas’ hand went automatically to his pocket. “Again, I hear I have you to thank.”

16-Feb-2010 23:03:59

Crystal Smee

Crystal Smee

Posts: 7,994 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
“No problem****. Val’Eyra.” Jonah leaned against the ramparts and folded his arms as Lucas flushed bright red. So that was what Jonah had meant. “You want to tell me why you lied?”
“I, uh…” Lucas stopped and took a deep breath. Be a man, he thought. No fear. “I was embarrassed,* he admitted shakily. “I’ve seen how people react to my name. Either I’m royalty, or I’m a servant. In the first case, I get no respect. In the second, which actually is the case, I’m the lowest of the low. I’m already useless, without everyone having preconceived notions about me just from hearing my name. I did*’t want you to think I was some useless royal snob, or a servant who did*’t know how to do anything more than change a bedsheet – which, sadly, is kind of true.”
“I don’t think so,” Jonah said softly, then shook his head. “So you made up a name.”
“I took a name that mattered to me. I need a fresh start here, sir.”
Jonah took a few steps toward him. “Don’t let your name determine what people think of you. You should determine what people think of your name.” His expression softened slightly. “You’re not useless.”
“I don’t know how to fight.”
“Then why are you here?”
“To try and prove something.”
“What?”
“That…that I’m a man.”
“And you thought killing would do that?”
“The man I am trying to prove it to does think that.”
“I’m asking you.”
“I…I don’t know. I never thought about it.”
“Well, start.” Jonah rubbed his cheek. “If you want to be a man, you need to know what that means.*
*What does it mean to you?” Lucas asked, boldly.
Jonah barked a laugh. “Watch me and you’ll see.* Then he sobered. “What do you want to be called?”
The question caught him off guard. He hesitated. “Myren. Yeah – still. I’m not Lucas Val’Eyra anymore, I know that much.”
Jonah nodded. “If you’re sure.”
“I am.”
“Good.” Jonah clapped a hand on his shoulder. “I’ll see you at sunrise tomorrow.” He jogged away off the ramparts and disappeared down the stairs.

16-Feb-2010 23:04:36

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