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11-Jul-2011 10:29:19

12-Jul-2011 03:53:18 - Last edited on 12-Jul-2011 03:53:33 by Crystal Smee

13-Jul-2011 00:23:50

Good work moderator, keeping the forums safe from the villainous trolls. Anyways I liked the addition to the story, But maybe you could try to build on the normal troopers attitude towards the war, rather than them all being savage killing machines. I would expect that their would be at least on person in a situation similar to the hero's. This is just a small detail that could help you to develop the whole worlds feel, Well as far as I know. Maybe you have already done this and I just didn't see it, but I wanted to see if I could do something other than my usual pointless "good job" comments. Lastly the commander seems to be, a little arrogant towards his crew. scratch that a lot arrogant toward his crews lives, I would guess that because of his military history. You could try building on his history, giving him a moment of break down or something of the sort where he explains his sorrows to Sorokin or someone else. I have to say though you are doing an excellent job portraying the the shades of gray rather than " he's bad and he's good n' he's goin' ta kill the bad person". Also could you give us ETA's of your upcoming add's? Like saying that a chapter is 1380 words or something along the lines of that? And Thankfully you don't have to expect more constructive criticism from me because it took me about five minutes to think of something negative to say. You are a skilled writer and someday, I think you will end up writing books in Italy. Best of luck. Lastly, m0ar addz pl0x.

14-Jul-2011 03:09:35

Thanks for the comments! Those are some really good points
My plan is to get to know the crew a little more once we're on land. Lucas is finally starting to find his niche, and as a result, he'll get talking to the other men more. I'm trying to restrict the story to a few points a view; it's limiting, then, because our access to the rest of the men is narrowed through Lucas and Jonah's interactions with them. I'm definitely planning to develop the other men and they will emerge as more well-rounded characters.
As for Jonah, that moment is coming. I may have made him come off a little more callous than I meant to - he does care, but he's hardened himself so much from previous experience that he's turned that caring off, more or less. Well, that's what I was going for. More of his past and his thoughts will be revealed soon.
As for the adds...I know I said midway through the week, and here we are and I don't have them. So far, I've written 1600 words of the new add, and I just left off in the middle of a scene that I want to finish. My focus currently is on some short stories I'm trying to get published, and I work 8 hours a day and have a long commute home and basically I have limited writing time in the evenings, so each night I have to choose the current short or this, and this week I was on a roll with the short, which I'm very close to finishing. I'm trying to alternate every night but this week I just neglected this so far :\
Tomorrow my goal is to wrap up that scene and post; however, I'm also going to the Harry Potter premiere and may not have time, which is why it might end up being pushed back to Friday. Friday night at the latest.
Thanks for the patience and support Those comments are really helpful! It's nice to know when things aren't clear and characters aren't coming across the way they should, so I can correct that in future adds. So keep the constructive criticism coming if you can!

14-Jul-2011 03:32:21 - Last edited on 14-Jul-2011 03:33:15 by Crystal Smee

I was just wondering earlier today if you were working on more publishing. I was going to ask you next time I saw you.

14-Jul-2011 04:34:52