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Poller5
Dec Member 2023

Poller5

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They are messed up :P
I think you need to draw more attention to the fact your thread missed the two year milestone by a month ;)
Also, there's a random carriage-return in the first post (the fourth or fifth paragraph) where you cut off a sentence mid-line.

20-Jun-2008 16:00:45 - Last edited on 20-Jun-2008 16:00:52 by Poller5

A White Wolf

A White Wolf

Posts: 8,377 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I've made mention of that several times, Poller. :-p
And I'd love to know what the problem with the forums are. I know they did an update, because there are now hyphens on the main forum page, and they added commas to all the post/thread count numbers.
SO somewhere in there, they messed up the activity counters and the last post by: bit.
Oh well.
EDIT: By the way, Poller, it's not dead yet. :-p It's still in the forums, and so it's still getting closer to 2 years of being around. *laughs*

20-Jun-2008 18:47:06 - Last edited on 20-Jun-2008 18:48:06 by A White Wolf

[#9Y7BNFZMH]

[#9Y7BNFZMH]

Posts: 5,775 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I'm re-reading, and I think I see some grammar and spelling mistakes... The stories are just as good the second time around, nonetheless.
--
-"Hey there! Aymar!" a loud voice called from the doorway.
Wouldn't the 'a' be capitilized? Unless my L.A teacher lies.
-Aymar exploded. "What's so durn amazing?!"
Wouldn't there by a comma after 'exploded'?
-"I...*huff* thought that...you said...*puff* it was close to...the mines." Aymar gasped out, unused to climbing the large rocky hills.
This is just a suggestion, but how about you take out the 'huff' and 'puff'? Rather, use, "Aymar gasped out, huffing and puffing," or "Aymar gasped out, breathing heavily," or something like that. Also, a comma after 'mines'.
-Suddely, a huge resounding...
Suddenly.
-THE SEAL HAS BEEN BROKEN!" a rasping, echoing voice...
Capitilize the 'a'? Like said earlier.
All of those are from 'The Tomb'.

20-Jun-2008 20:33:26 - Last edited on 20-Jun-2008 20:52:52 by [#9Y7BNFZMH]

A White Wolf

A White Wolf

Posts: 8,377 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I always appreciate error-finding. :-)
Your teacher does lie, for point one. It does not need to be capitalized because it's not a new sentence. Normally there would be a comma after the dialogue, but since it was emphatic, I replaced it with an exclamation mark. However, it's still a continuation.
Normally you're right, there'd be a comma after exploded, but I don't like the inflection the comma gives it. He exploded, but the vehement exclamation he shouts isn't necessarily THE explosion in its entirety. So therefore, the comma doesn't connote the feeling I want.
I like using the 'huff' and 'puff' because they break up the flow of the dialogue just like actually gasps would, more effectively than just telling the person "He's huffing and puffing."
I'll add that rogue n, and change the comma.
Thanks for the advice.

20-Jun-2008 22:22:02 - Last edited on 20-Jun-2008 22:51:52 by A White Wolf

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