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Darkest Secrets—Story Contest
Quick find code: 49-50-523-63770340
I've given it a look and am pondering it.
02-Aug-2012 23:06:29 - Last edited on 02-Aug-2012 23:06:52 by Yam42
---------- Cyun ----------
Judge A: This poem is remarkable in its complexity and flow. The idea is a bit unoriginal, with a breach in fidelity being one of the most common “Darkest Secrets;” however, the poem is not poor, not at all. In future poems, you may want to consider using words that are slightly less complex in various parts of the poem. The flow of this piece is broken slightly by the elevated words you chose to use, which made it harder to enjoy. I believe my constant uses of the dictionary hindered my ability to feel the characters' emotions as well as I could have; however, I really enjoyed how you gave me a glimpse into the woman's thought process without making it overly dramatic. I understand that certain words with certain meanings best fit a poem's metre, but finding a balance between the diction and the message of a poem is also very important. In conclusion, I want to thank you for giving me a wonderful read. Please do keep up the good work. (3.4/5)
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Judge B: This was a great entry, with a very unique approach to the theme.
The secret itself is unveiled by the narrator, which gives it a more personal feel. It is both emotional and shocking, for the secret is something with which the reader would widely regard as being an act of sin, therefore they are inclined to empathise with the soldier, for his wife has betrayed him. It is with this consideration in mind that the poem strikes me as being very clever.
A slight flaw in this piece is that the metre is not always consistent: the first line of each stanza is often at least two syllables shorter than the following line, which disrupts the rhythm of the poem.
The allegory is genious, and allows you to deal with somewhat "dangerous" connotations (such as the line beginning "His snake"
. A risky stratagem, yet one which I feel heightens this entry's effect.
Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. With a little more attention paid to the verse and its metre, this would be better. (4.5/5)
Judge A: This poem is remarkable in its complexity and flow. The idea is a bit unoriginal, with a breach in fidelity being one of the most common “Darkest Secrets;” however, the poem is not poor, not at all. In future poems, you may want to consider using words that are slightly less complex in various parts of the poem. The flow of this piece is broken slightly by the elevated words you chose to use, which made it harder to enjoy. I believe my constant uses of the dictionary hindered my ability to feel the characters' emotions as well as I could have; however, I really enjoyed how you gave me a glimpse into the woman's thought process without making it overly dramatic. I understand that certain words with certain meanings best fit a poem's metre, but finding a balance between the diction and the message of a poem is also very important. In conclusion, I want to thank you for giving me a wonderful read. Please do keep up the good work. (3.4/5)
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Judge B: This was a great entry, with a very unique approach to the theme.
The secret itself is unveiled by the narrator, which gives it a more personal feel. It is both emotional and shocking, for the secret is something with which the reader would widely regard as being an act of sin, therefore they are inclined to empathise with the soldier, for his wife has betrayed him. It is with this consideration in mind that the poem strikes me as being very clever.
A slight flaw in this piece is that the metre is not always consistent: the first line of each stanza is often at least two syllables shorter than the following line, which disrupts the rhythm of the poem.
The allegory is genious, and allows you to deal with somewhat "dangerous" connotations (such as the line beginning "His snake"
. A risky stratagem, yet one which I feel heightens this entry's effect.
Overall, I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. With a little more attention paid to the verse and its metre, this would be better. (4.5/5)
05-Aug-2012 22:47:32 - Last edited on 05-Aug-2012 22:49:06 by Cozmic
---------- Eno Remnant ----------
Judge A: The grammar in this piece makes it very easy to read. Thank you for that. The plot, on my first read, was a bit of a challenge to follow; however, I understood it very well on my second read through. I really enjoy the idea of shadows being their own race of people. Throughout the piece, it never really seems as though you're narrating something; rather, you just draw your reader straight into the plot. In the future, you ought to make your characters a bit more round, though. While your characters are engaging, they just seem a bit flat. It is a very challenging thing to do with only 10,000 characters, so such a thing did not detract much from my enjoyment of the story. Well done. (3.5/5)
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Judge B: A well-written entry, with a varied use of vocabulary and nicely conformed to the competition prompt.
I enjoyed the action and description of this entry; the narrative is consistent and sharp, detailing everything that is going on whilst not distracting the reader from the main events occurring.
The one problem with this was that it felt like it was leading to something big, the secret was slowly unveiling...and then suddenly the reader is given every ounce of information in a matter of a few sentences towards the end. This, for me, spoiled the build-up and the denouement was weaker than it should have been. I also think at times, the number of characters in a solitary event made it a bit confusing, and I had to re-read it a few times to understand what was happening.
Despite this, throughout the majority of the entry, I did have an interminable urge to read on, so well done.
(3.9/5)
Judge A: The grammar in this piece makes it very easy to read. Thank you for that. The plot, on my first read, was a bit of a challenge to follow; however, I understood it very well on my second read through. I really enjoy the idea of shadows being their own race of people. Throughout the piece, it never really seems as though you're narrating something; rather, you just draw your reader straight into the plot. In the future, you ought to make your characters a bit more round, though. While your characters are engaging, they just seem a bit flat. It is a very challenging thing to do with only 10,000 characters, so such a thing did not detract much from my enjoyment of the story. Well done. (3.5/5)
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Judge B: A well-written entry, with a varied use of vocabulary and nicely conformed to the competition prompt.
I enjoyed the action and description of this entry; the narrative is consistent and sharp, detailing everything that is going on whilst not distracting the reader from the main events occurring.
The one problem with this was that it felt like it was leading to something big, the secret was slowly unveiling...and then suddenly the reader is given every ounce of information in a matter of a few sentences towards the end. This, for me, spoiled the build-up and the denouement was weaker than it should have been. I also think at times, the number of characters in a solitary event made it a bit confusing, and I had to re-read it a few times to understand what was happening.
Despite this, throughout the majority of the entry, I did have an interminable urge to read on, so well done.
(3.9/5)
05-Aug-2012 22:52:03 - Last edited on 05-Aug-2012 22:52:21 by Cozmic
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