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RS Story Contest - Survivor 2

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Vacu Dallah

Vacu Dallah

Posts: 1,887 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Ariel set foot onto the dead-silent grounds. A cold vibration like crawling ants slowed up her spine and left her littered with goose-bumps.


You think that is better for a first starting sentence than the trash I had before?

09-Oct-2011 18:08:13 - Last edited on 12-Oct-2011 20:38:18 by Vacu Dallah

Vacu Dallah

Vacu Dallah

Posts: 1,887 Mithril Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Woohoo! I enjoyed writing this. It is 3998 characters long I do believe. I would have added something at the end like, "She put the bible away with a smile on her face" But I ran out of characters. I hope you all enjoy it.

09-Oct-2011 18:09:34 - Last edited on 09-Oct-2011 18:19:40 by Vacu Dallah

Old Gnomish
Jul Member 2023

Old Gnomish

Posts: 2,569 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Shivering, you stand there, hovering like a bee by its hive. Your muscles twitch, longing to stretch, longing to contract, longing to relax.

Longing to move.

Yet, they cannot. As hard as you try, you feel physically bound by a force greater than any concept one dares to imagine. Strained, your eyes bulge unnaturally, glaring like a madman. The desire to move is becoming excruciating. Through desperate need you push, push for strength, push for power, push for movement.

Push for desperation.

A single droplet of sweat trickles down your moist forehead. It reaches the tip of your chin, before it hangs off halfway, clinging on to the unshaven hairs that poke from microscopic holes in your weathered skin. Much like you, it longs not to fall from its climatic position. Much like you, it rebels against a force far greater than it. Much like you, it falsely thinks it can have control.

Much like you, it falls.

You feel hollow; your brain is powerless, your legs numb, your hands throbbing, your eyes burning, your back boneless. Terrified, you do the only thing you still can. The fire which rages within you lets out a scream of terror... or is it a scream longing for freedom? It is impossible to say, for within moments you fall dead silent.

You cry impotently. You cannot speak, but you think to yourself: why me? You want to lower your head and clutch it in your hands like a mother clutches her offspring.

But your resistance never conquers.

“Foolish human.”

Your eyes widen, heartbeat quickens, head throbs. That voice. Where did it come from? Whose voice was it? The thoughts stir around your head like a whirlwind, collectively forming. The longing to control your body returns.

But your resistance never conquers.

“I am not another voice.”

There! Again the voice emerges, yet still you struggle to comprehend – where did it come from? It did not feel external. The voice almost sounded as if it transpired from within you. Did it?
Snow
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09-Oct-2011 19:32:34

Old Gnomish
Jul Member 2023

Old Gnomish

Posts: 2,569 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
“Correct. But I am not a voice. I am the force that punishes you for failing to perceive the truth. Do you know what that truth is?”

You attempt to speak once again. You are dismayed: you forget that you lack the ability to do so. Realisation hits you that the force responded through thoughts. You think the answer: no.

*You should. In fact, you even thinking your answer is a lie. Those thoughts do not belong to you. Nothing belongs to you. You are determined and until you conceive this, you will suffer.”

“I don't understand!” You gasp aloud. How did you...speak?
It was so impetuous that it was a shout. You attempt to communicate once more. This time, you cannot.

You should know by now: resistance never conquers.

“See that? That was not your free choice. That was always going to happen. It was inevitable that you would speak, even if it was only for a second. Free will does not exist. Do you understand now?"

You feel trapped inside; your heart is imprisoned and through sheer desperation your pulse rate increases as the heart attempts to escape. You long to break free but the walls of the prison are impenetrable. You are a fly hanging from the silk of a web. You are unaware that your next thought is the ultimate downfall of your very existence.

You think to yourself: I don’t understand. I have free will. Of course I do. I’m just...trapped, and want to get out.

“It saddens me that you think this. Unfortunately for you, this was the incorrect answer. Lessons will be learnt.”

Like a bullet through the chest, a vigorous surge pierces your brain. An overwhelming sensation encapsulates you. You feel yourself losing: loss of thought, loss of strength, loss of power.

Loss of resistance.

If one’s mind could melt, then yours is boiling. As you feel yourself on the verge of unconsciousness, you hear one last thing, one last thought that ironically, you won’t have time to comprehend. It comes from the force within you.

“I am determinism.”
Snow
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Guildmaster - The Novelists' Guild

09-Oct-2011 19:33:42 - Last edited on 09-Oct-2011 19:47:44 by Old Gnomish

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