Forums

17 – Dragons

He took the young boy by the hand,
And led him out across the land,
"That tower over there," he said,
"That tower it does hold the dead."

Voldemort broke off from the entourage shortly after leaving Zezima's chambers, leaving Mr. Happy alone with Muad Dhib. They walked on quietly through the dusty corridors of the mage arena until Mr. Happy broke the stillness.
(c)Mr. Happy:I am nobody
Muad Dhib:?
Mr. Happy:Nobody is truly mad
Mr. Happy:Therefore I am truly mad
Muad Dhib:What did they do to you in Lumbridge?
Mr. Happy:They taught me
Muad Dhib:?
Mr. Happy didn't respond, and the silence returned. Muad Dhib was annoyed with this silence. Every once in a while he would start...
Muad Dhib:Have you read Dune?
...or some other question like that.
(c)Mr. Happy would either ignore it or reply with some off-key phrase:
Mr. Happy:42
If he was going to die he might as well annoy people on the way there.
Passing through the arch of the mage arena's entrance, the Wildy once again surrounded them. Tonight the moon was almost full and it bathed the parched landscape in its glow. Suddenly the moon winked at him. Smiling slyly he winked back and the moon smiled back at him. He began to whistle.
About 50 paces from the mage arena his whistling stopped, however, when
Muad Dhib k.
(c)Mr. Happy:Yes?
Muad Dhib:We'll stop here.
Muad Dhib:I have decided I may set you free.
Muad Dhib:But you have to tell me something important about the noobs,
(c)Mr. Happy:Like make something up?
Muad Dhib:No, you must have overheard something.
Make something up, (c)eh? He could do that.
(c)Mr. Happy:Well...someone said Cheezit had spies in the mage arena
Muad Dhib:Really?
Mr. Happy:Yes...um...
Zezima probably wouldn't work.
(c)Mr. Happy:Uh...Voldemort
Mr. Happy:They said they can't believe Zezima trusted you-know-who
Muad Dhib:Great. Anything else?
Mr. Happy:I think the noobs are planning to attack the mage arena
Muad Dhib:How?

27-May-2006 17:53:09

Hmmmm...should he say nuclear warheads from Lumbridge?
Dragons! Those were always cool to talk about. But would Muad Dhib believe that noobs would ride in on dragons? He decided a third option was safest.
(c)Mr. Happy:I don't know. That's all I heard.
Muad Dhib:Really? You sure...
(c)Mr. Happy:Yes
Muad Dhib k.
(c)Mr. Happy:Well, c ya then
Muad Dhib id you really think I would let you go?
Mr. Happy:Um...
Maybe he should have mentioned the dragons. He turned to run and heard Muad Dhib draw a bow behind him. He heard a twing that sounded like so many loosed arrows and felt something rip into his shoulder. The next he knew he was on the ground, his shoulder feeling as if it had been torn off. Frantically he tried to hoist himself up, felt a fresh burst of pain in his shoulder and fell back down again. Footsteps crunched up behind him, something else crunched into the back of his head, and he knew no more.

27-May-2006 17:53:22

27-May-2006 17:54:11

Balon Grey, not quite recovered from his lunge didn't see the maul coming and was hit in the side by its head. A 46 was reported over Balon Grey and he was flung 7 feet by the impact, landing in a heap on the ground nearby. Zezima took the opening, and when Nutdo tried to bring the maul up for another swing he found Zezima's blade at his throat. He let the maul drop from his hands.
Nutdo:Alright Zezima, you win again.
Zezima:Nice fight. You got me this time.
Nutdo:It was luck.
Voldemort:I think you ought to see to Balon Grey.
Zezima had not noticed Voldemort enter, but he had obviously been observing for a while. Rising from his seat in one of the stands set up around the arena he walked down to where Zezima stood.
Voldemort:Your melee skills never cease to amaze.
He glanced over to wher Nutdo was carrying Balon Grey out of the arena. They were two of the best elitist meleeers here, Balon with 126 combat, and Nutdo surprisingly agile with his maul.
Voldemort:I'd like to mage against you sometime.
Zezima:You know I don't enjoy mage all that much.
Zezima:Not very much action in it.
Voldemort:But the feel of it...
Voldemort h well, I have some news you might want to hear.
Zezima k
Voldemort:Noobs are readying to attack Ardougne.
Voldemort:And they're heading out there in...oh, about 3 hours.
Zezima:And you got this from a reliable source?
Voldemort:Absolutely, my eyes and ears are never wrong.
Zezima:Excellent.
Voldemort:And they still seem to think Cheezit92 is alive.
Zezima:Lol, they haven't found out yet?
Voldemort:I guess not.
Voldemort:Anyway, what would you have me tell the other elitists?
Zezima:Send a few to reinforce Ardougne, 30 or so?
Zezima:Enough to hold off the noobs for a bit.
Voldemort:And the rest?
Zezima:Assemble them here, I'll be back shortly.
Voldemort:As you say, my lord.
Voldemort left at a dash, wizard robes floating out behind him. Zezima, however, took his time walking back to his rooms.

27-May-2006 17:54:21

27-May-2006 17:54:36

19 – The Siege of Ardougne

WHEN ME FIRST DO SEE A NERD

A nerd,
My word,
What does passes,
For his glasses,
Covers half his face,
So big of a space,
And in the sunlight flashes.
My word,
He is so much of a nerd.

-The Great Scribe-Tompayne2

Boisterous shouts no longer emanated from the noob body as they staggered into Catherby. The trek through white wolf mountain had been a frightful one. Icy ledges broke off under feet with no warning, white wolves ripped at the edges of the army and, when killed, only appeared again moments later in the same space, materializing as though out of thin air.
Then there had been the false passages. Take a wrong turn and a short time later you'd find yourself confronted by a dead end. Ratherdashng and a small noob party, trying to scout ahead, had disappeared down one of these passages and, after waiting an hour, Cheezit92 had had to declare him lost and led the noob army down a different passage.
Now, however, with their goal so close at hand, they strove on grimly. Waves roiled in the sea stretching out to the horizon on their left and echoing their somber moods.
Upon rounding a bend in the coast a few ragged cheers arose from the army. Ardougne was now in sight. Many broke into a jog and a few ran towards the city, stopping outside the city's walls to wait for Cheezit92 and his entourage to catch up. They entered together, a mass of over fifteen thousand noobs swarming into the Ardougne market. A group of maybe 200 noobs greeted them. Silence resounded for a few seconds and then
Pokemon R Us:Selling silk!
Flash334:Anyone buying bodies?
The noob army broke up to check out the wares, but Cheezit92 stayed, surveying the city. Where were the elitists? Cheezit92 reached out and caught the arm of one of the Ardougnian's. Equipping a bronze dagger, the noob swivelled to face Cheezit92.
Spik115:Want to buy a bronze knife?
Cheezit92:Sry to bother u
Spik115 nly 300gp

27-May-2006 17:55:19

Cheezit92:Sry, I just wanted to ask you something.
Spik115:?
Cheezit92:Where r the elitists?
Spik115 h, they locked themselves in the castle west of here
Spik115:Ardougne castle
Cheezit92:Great, ty
Spik115:You cant go in there, the bridge is burnt down
Cheezit92 k
Spik115:You sure you don't want to buy?
Spik115:I've seen someone hit 23 with one of these babies
Cheezit92:Wow. Sure, I'll take 5
After two hours of healthy trading, the noob army regrouped and travelled west through Ardougne's broad streets to find Spik115 had been right. A fast flowing river divided Ardougne in two. At one time a bridge had spanned the river, but not anymore. Charred stumps of rock were all that remained, protruding from either bank. A powerful explosion seemed to have completely demolished the middle.
On the opposite side Ardougne castle could be seen, flags fluttering above its crenellated battlements. Figures could be made out striding stolidly along those battlements. How had news of the noob army reached Ardougne's elitists so soon? There was nothing that could be done about it now.
Cheezit92:Set up camp. We stay here tonight
Muttered ascent rose from the army. They were tired.
Cheezit92:I didn't expect this, but not to worry
Cheezit92:We'll have a new plan soon
Siegemaster4:Why don't we lay siege to Ardougne?
Siege? What was a siege? Cheezit92 searched his memory and was rewarded with an image of an army standing around a castle for a long time. Usually in the movies the siegers won the war. Or had it been the ones under siege. Oh well, a siege did make him sound professional.
Cheezit92:Alright
Cheezit92:As of today, the siege of Ardougne begins!

27-May-2006 17:55:45

20 – Did You Think I Was Dead?

The nerds beneath the ground do lie,
Do not ask me, I know not why,
They clamber up to view the sky,
And ponder why they cannot fly

(c)Mr. Happy knew no more, that was, until he woke up the following morning. Touching a hand to the back of his head he winced. His hair was rough with dried blood. How long had he been out? He left his eyes closed, welcoming the blackness.
Sinusoidal:Sry about that.
He left his eyes closed.
(c)Mr. Happy:Is that you, Sam?
Sinusoidal:No
Sinusoidal:Who is Sam?
Lumbridge came back to him. Sam, stiff as a scarecrow, left to die in that cellar.
Wolf0122:I think he's delusional. Might have had a concussion.
At the sound of a second voice Mr. Happy snapped his eyes open only to close them again as the sun'* bright light attacked them.
Gizmo B Free:I didn't hit him that hard.
Wolf0122:Lol, did u calculate in the exponential increase in momentum
Wolf0122 f a war hammer?
Mr. Happy:Where am I?
The ground felt like hard-packed earth beneath him. As much as he longed to open his eyes he didn't dare to. Light turned the inside of his eyelids red as fire - red as blood - and even that bright color made his head swim. He felt the sun pound at those eyelids, looking for a crack into which to slip. It wanted to kill him.
Sinusoidal:An expected query.
Wolf0122:Yet one we shall, unfortunately, leave unanswered.
Gizmo B Free:That is why we knocked you out.
Sinusoidal:Unless...should we ask him the question?
Wolf0122:The chocolate one? Yes.
Gizmo B Free:I concur.
Wolf0122 k, we will answer ur question if u can answer ours.
(c)Mr. Happy k...
Sinusoidal:Here goes.
Sinusoidal:There are three children
Wolf0122 f the almighty Guthix.
Gizmo B Free ecaprio, in his eternal search for wisdom
Gizmo B Free:Visited Guthix in the heavens.
Wolf0122:"I seek infinite wisdom" said Decaprio.
Sinusoidal:That was my part!
Wolf0122:My apologies, it's just the coolest line.

27-May-2006 17:56:09

Sinusoidal:Anyway, "I shall give u this wisdom" Guthix replied
Sinusoidal:"If u answer one question".
Gizmo B Free:"I have 3 children," said Guthix "their ages sum to 14"
Sinusoidal:"And their ages multiply to 72."
Wolf0122:"What is the age of the eldest?" Guthix finished.
Gizmo B Free:"I still require more information," said Decaprio.
Sinusoidal:"The eldest likes chocolate." Guthix responded.
Wolf0122:And Decaprio knew the answer.
Gizmo B Free:Now how old is Guthix's eldest, and we'll tell u ur whereabouts.
Sinusoidal:The whereabouts of our secret base.
(c)Mr. Happy was staring up at them now. Throughout the conversation he had been experimenting with opening his eyes in increments and now they were finally accustomed to the light. All three of the people standing over him looked identical - black masks, black shirts, mime pants, and strange staffs in their hands, the heads of which glimmered red and white. Two had combat lvls in the 50's and one in the 70'*. Turning sideways he noted there were no other figures closeby, but there were a few shacks.
Wolf0122:So do you know the answer?
Mr. Happy:Nvm
Sinusoidal:Nvm?
Mr. Happy:We're in lvl 53 Wildy west of the mage arena.
Gizmo B Free:How can he know that?
Wolf0122:I heard you can tell exact location by
Wolf0122:Looking at the sun with a sextant.
Wolf0122:I've heard some tribes can do that without a sextant, but never believed it.
Sinusoidal:That seems impossible.
Sinusoidal:Can you gauge the suns angle from lying on the ground?
Gizmo B Free:He'd have to be as bright as Decaprio himself!
What were they talking about? Sextants? Angles? He had just looked at the runescape map of the surrounding area. The mage arena was shown just a stone's throw east of them.
(c)Mr. Happy:How are you so close to the mage arena without elitists noticing?
Wolf0122 , that would be our disguises
Mr. Happy
Sinusoidal:Black blends in perfectly with this part of the Wildy.

27-May-2006 17:56:43

Gizmo B Free:Yes, only one of us has ever been caught.
Wolf0122:When we're back at base, we'll get you one on the double.
Double double, toil and trouble, fire burn and cauldron bubble! Hehe.
(c)Mr. Happy laughed. These people seemed as mad as he was.
(c)Mr. Happy:Are u with Cheezit92?
Sinusoidal:Nah, we're our own people.
Wolf0122:The co(g)nfusianistic outcasts.
Gizmo B Free:Lol. I think I'm more Decaprian.
(c)Mr. Happy:Uh...yeah, lol
Wolf0122:Are you with Cheezit?
Doubt was written on his features.
Sinusoidal:He's a lvl 69, don't be daft!
Gizmo B Free:But you saw how that elitist treated him. He was going to kill him!
Mr. Happy had forgotten about the mage arena incident.
(c)Mr. Happy:What happened to Muad Dhib?
Sinusoidal on't worry, we took care of him.
Wolf0122:The archers did, not us.
Sinusoidal:U don't have to tell him that!
Gizmo B Free:Are you on Cheezit's side?
Mr. Happy , no no, like you, I'm caught in between.
Wolf0122:U'll fit right in here then.
(c)Mr. Happy:By the way, what army are you? Outcasts?
Gizmo B Free:Not an army, a guild. The...
He paused for effect.
Gizmo B Free:Illuminaties.
(c)Mr. Happy:?
Sinusoidal:Exactly! A guild always asking questions,
Wolf0122:Seeking knowledge.
Gizmo B Free: I have never known a man to sum up our purpose so succinctly.
Sinusoidal:You'll fit right into this guild.
(c)Mr. Happy:I'm not so sure...
(c)Mr. Happy was sitting up now, waiting for the dizziness in his head to subside. What were these people talking about? He stared at the staffs, hypnotized by the white and red swirling in them like Cheezit92's blood amongst his bones.
Wolf0122:Like the staffs, (c)eh?
Sinusoidal:Unlimited supply of fire and air runes.
Gizmo B Free:Maybe ur one with the gift of crafting them.
Sinusoidal:Come now, you've been on the ground long enough.
He extended a hand down to Mr. Happy.
Sinusoidal:The only thing not befitting is ur name.
Wolf0122:Yeah, most here are more scientific.

27-May-2006 17:59:11