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[#E4B29LWTR]

[#E4B29LWTR]

Posts: 10,317 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Well, Dallion didn't exactly have time to think about it. XD
But anyway, I was making a scene where Dallion was sitting with the dog on the farm south of Falador and north of Port Sarim. The farmer was going to try and kill him because Dallion was stealing from his crops, but I'll edit in a scene where Dallion thinks of his Father's death.
`•.,¸,.•´Showing in Silver, Glowing in Gold`•.,¸,.•´
`•.,¸,.•´¯¥¯`•.,¸,.·Auro, a Mahjarrat·.,¸,.•´¯¥¯`•.,¸,.•´

29-Mar-2008 22:32:26

Aragorn45222
Jul Member 2021

Aragorn45222

Posts: 18,686 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
First bio =)

~!~ Bio Format ~!~
Name: Dustin
Age: 19
Race: Human/Half Elf
Gender: Male
Weapon: Dustin carries, a whip, and poisoned rune throwing knives, he also sometimes uses the knives in melee combat and not always neccassarily ranged.
Armor: Dustin wears not the best but certainly not the worst armor. He wears a runite platebody and platelegs, but they have been enhanced to be light enough so he can dodge and run faster than a normal person in armor, he doesent wear a shield, he believes those are for weak people. But he does carry a helmet, that was a gift to him from the freminnik, it is a beserker helm. Under his armor he wears light, thin black clothlike clothes(Present Day Under Armor).
Appearance:
Dustin has an althletic, skinny, muscular bodybuild. He is about 5'8 tall. He is very muscular in appearance and looks like a confident person. His eyes are dark brown and his hair is dark black reaching over his eyes and past his shoulders.
Personality: Dustin is a very nice and relaxed person. He intends to have a free flowing life and if he has to, fight to keep that. H3e is rebellious against evil and will do what he has to do to survive. He doesent open up easily and it takes awhile before he really does.
Alignment (Good/Evil/Neutral, God): Neutral, Saradomian
Short History: His parents were killed in a raid and ever since he has traveled around.

01-Apr-2008 03:37:32

[#E4B29LWTR]

[#E4B29LWTR]

Posts: 10,317 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Good bio. Thanks, I shall try to fit him in.
The history of your character is really short, but I'll add some of it in.
Thank you for your bio, Aragorn.
`•.,¸,.•´Showing in Silver, Glowing in Gold`•.,¸,.•´
`•.,¸,.•´¯¥¯`•.,¸,.·Auro, a Mahjarrat·.,¸,.•´¯¥¯`•.,¸,.•´

01-Apr-2008 03:41:09 - Last edited on 01-Apr-2008 03:41:23 by [#E4B29LWTR]

Patriotic Br

Patriotic Br

Posts: 4,503 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Alrighty, I read the story and I must say... It's fantastic! I wanted to keep reading, it is... just... great!
Okay, so to the point of the review...
Your voice and emotion was impressive, although I caught a few things that could've been different:
“I wouldn’t miss it for the world!” said Matt. - Here, you could have put "exclaimed Matt.", which would have shown a bit more emotion.
“You better not,” said Dallion as he trudged out of the square - Here, you might have put "warned Dallion, as he trudged..."
But in all seriousness, you did very well.
Your description is among the best I've seen on these forums. Up there with Zfire's "Shadows of a Warrior 1, 2, & 3" and Capt's stories.
As Dallion and Matt started home, Matt replayed scenes from the fight with disturbing sound effects. * That was really good, it made me crack up.
The plot was original, and I loved that. I did, however, catch many mistakes in your Mechanics. If you ask, I'll give a full list, I can't tonight though.
I rank you... Ghost Writer! Outstanding!

02-Apr-2008 02:23:12 - Last edited on 02-Apr-2008 03:14:07 by Patriotic Br

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