Rating of ‘The Pineapple Under the Sea’ by Gamefreak318
Game:
Your story was, to say the least, very funny, entertaining and original. There were several positive aspects that will be reflected in your numerical grade, but there were also many negative ones as well. I did not notice many grammatical errors, and because I did not have enough time to take them all down, your Grammar score may not be set in stone.
Style – 45/60
Your style, like your story, was very witty and original. However, I found it to be very threadbare. Had I been grading solely on wordiness, you would have had a near-perfect score. Almost every word in your story served a specific purpose and pulled its own weight, which made for a crisp, professional read. The problem with this is that a crisp, professional read is best saved for works of non-fiction, and the assassination of Spongebob is hardly non-fiction. My advice to you is to slow down, and add some description to give the reader a good look at your character and his surroundings early on, and to replace your weak, repetitive verbs with stronger ones.
Grammar – 55/60
As I said, I did notice a few grammatical errors, but nothing serious. As my reading wasn’t exactly rigorous, I may have missed a few. Mostly, I noticed that you place emphatic words in the wrong place, and use semi-colons improperly from time to time. My advice would be to reword some of your sentences, placing sections separated by semi-colons toward the beginning, and emphatic words toward the end.
19-Oct-2007 16:32:33
