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^+^ The Age of Nhur ^+^
Quick find code: 49-50-404-60641944
Since Nightsister read my story, I read this in return.
I really liked the beginning and end of this story up to this chapter, but the middle parts felt a bit off for me. What I found a bit off was that the emperor talks like someone off a cartoon, and then waits for something to happen.
Also, every time someone swings at a head the other ducks in time, so it's either the swing is slow or the person is very fast.
As a boxer I can tell you that it's not easy to duck to a point you fully avoid the swing, even if it's a wide hook. In a fight, if your opponent ducks, you'd naturally lower the path of your swing if you can.
Generally a warrior would skip backwards to avoid a swing, or use a shield, but then again everyone knows that.
Like, knights would generally only duck if they could press their shoulder into the midsection of the attacker if the attacker sent a big swing to the head. Then the knight would grab the attacker's legs and lift him so that the attacker would topple over the knight's back.
Werewolves with horns? Sounds a bit familiar, but who cares.
Anyway the story is really good and has interesting characters, so don't worry about my opinion because this is your thread, your story, your rules.
Coincidentally, the first 3 letters of my username is also the name of a character lol
sry if this post was a bit too long
I really liked the beginning and end of this story up to this chapter, but the middle parts felt a bit off for me. What I found a bit off was that the emperor talks like someone off a cartoon, and then waits for something to happen.
Also, every time someone swings at a head the other ducks in time, so it's either the swing is slow or the person is very fast.
As a boxer I can tell you that it's not easy to duck to a point you fully avoid the swing, even if it's a wide hook. In a fight, if your opponent ducks, you'd naturally lower the path of your swing if you can.
Generally a warrior would skip backwards to avoid a swing, or use a shield, but then again everyone knows that.
Like, knights would generally only duck if they could press their shoulder into the midsection of the attacker if the attacker sent a big swing to the head. Then the knight would grab the attacker's legs and lift him so that the attacker would topple over the knight's back.
Werewolves with horns? Sounds a bit familiar, but who cares.
Anyway the story is really good and has interesting characters, so don't worry about my opinion because this is your thread, your story, your rules.
Coincidentally, the first 3 letters of my username is also the name of a character lol
sry if this post was a bit too long
12-May-2010 21:44:39 - Last edited on 12-May-2010 21:45:07 by Azigarath
^Don't worry. I'm all for feedback, so it was much appreciated.
As far as some of the points you brought up were concerned, let's just say that there's a reason for most of them. I can't exactly say why without spoiling anything at this point, but this thing is far from over (and even then there's about....3-4 more stories in the series, so if everything isn't wrapped up by the time this closes, it will be).
However, about the fighting, that's true. Then again, the Mahjarrat race is borderline superhuman as it is, and the Shades/Rakshasas aren't exactly human either. So it stands to reason that they'd be able to do some things a normal human wouldn't.
And ironically, the werewolves with horns and the one character were written before I even read your story and saw your name. Creepy
As far as some of the points you brought up were concerned, let's just say that there's a reason for most of them. I can't exactly say why without spoiling anything at this point, but this thing is far from over (and even then there's about....3-4 more stories in the series, so if everything isn't wrapped up by the time this closes, it will be).
However, about the fighting, that's true. Then again, the Mahjarrat race is borderline superhuman as it is, and the Shades/Rakshasas aren't exactly human either. So it stands to reason that they'd be able to do some things a normal human wouldn't.
And ironically, the werewolves with horns and the one character were written before I even read your story and saw your name. Creepy
^+^ Antediluvian of the Draculesti Bloodline ^+^
^+^ If the Gods see fit to curse us with the Blood, then we shall raise ourselves above them ^+^
13-May-2010 01:54:34
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