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From Shadows and Ashes

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MrEedamame

MrEedamame

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This time Roderick laughed, and with a cold smirk leaned down to speak, “I could slit your throat Lieutenant, right here and now. Let you bleed out and drown in your own blood, right here in the street.” Landon’s face was turning red as Roderick pressed down harder on his throat, his eyes widening as he started fade. “But I won*t.” Roderick released his black leathered boot from Landon’s throat, but kept it firmly planted on his massive chest, heel covering the ruby, toes still within reach of his chin. He chuckled again, “Too much Guards’ blood has been splattered on these streets tonight, so no, I won't kill you. Not yet.” Roderick motioned with his hand for one the men to his left to come close. “Get the cart,” He said and the cloaked man quickly disappeared down the street. Angry, drunk, and confused individuals still seeped from the broken tavern door, giving Roderick and the rest of the group a quick look over before deciding better of it and stumbling off hurriedly.

Roderick balanced himself on Landon’s chest, still smirking as he felt the man squirm underneath him as his torso was slightly compressed. Reaching up slowly Roderick ran a finger over the curved beak of the visor, marveling at the craftsmanship. Lance’s eyes followed his every movement, his mouth twitching with agitation. With a huff the strap holding the helm was broken and the entire piece of metalwork removed from the Guard’s head in a single movement. Landon snarled with pain at the leather padding inside tore at his ears. Roderick tilted his head in a cat like manner and held up a finger, silently ordering Landon into submission once again. He turned the helmet over in his opposite hand, catching every detail, still baffled at the artistic talent from which the resplendent piece of armor was forged.

19-Jun-2013 19:34:38 - Last edited on 21-Jun-2013 05:21:18 by MrEedamame

MrEedamame

MrEedamame

Posts: 78 Iron Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
As the sound of hooves on stone echoed from behind him and the oiled creak of an iron axel slowed to halt, Roderick stepped off and to the side of Landon, his smirk widening to a smile as he returned the stare of pure hatred with his own sarcastic flare. Loud enough for the entire street to hear, Roderick spoke, “Got me, you say? You never even had me Moore. Do you really think I would allow myself to be so easily caught? No, not I.” He chuckled, and tore his gaze away to step around Landon’s now unprotected head. Now addressing the darkly clothed people around them, Roderick continued, “Do I not always have a plan? Is there not always a strategy? This is all a game, and nothing more.”

“You’re a fool, to think this a game,” Landon growled as he followed Roderick’s movements, now circling around to his feet.

“Oh but this is a game,” Roderick went on, “A game of life or death. Of the controlled and the ones to have control. The weak and the strong. The respected and shamed. This is all a game.” He was once again at Landon’s shoulder, staring down into the dark unblinking eyes. “A game we intend to win.”

Landon snarled and attempted to grab at Roderick’s crouched form, but his movement was expected, and the moment he heaved his colossal torso from the hard stone bricks, Roderick retaliated. With a fluid movement the eagle shaped helmet was smashed into Landon’s temple and in an instant he fell back limp, knocked unconscious as blood trickled down into his ear.

19-Jun-2013 19:35:49 - Last edited on 21-Jun-2013 05:23:02 by MrEedamame

MrEedamame

MrEedamame

Posts: 78 Iron Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
With a tsk sound of disapproval Roderick stood, tossing the broken and blooded piece of armor to one of his men. As two others hoisted the mammoth of a man by the underarms and another two grabbed each ankle, Roderick dug around into his cloak, searching his many pockets for the envelope he had been handed just hours before he arrived at the tavern. With a heave Landon’s limp form was hefted into the cart, the wooden structure protesting loudly. With a pin in the shape of a flexed arm, solid black with a thin trim of silver, Roderick pinned the closed envelope to Lance’s crimson cloak and took a step back. “Leave him in the Square, just within view of the Palace walls.” The man clambering up into the seat of the cart and taking the reins into his hands nodded his understanding. With a quick command and a slap of the reins the cart plodded off down the street towards the center of the city.

Roderick turned with a satisfied grin, looking each other remaining seven gang members fully in the eyes. He nodded his approval and like wisp of smoke one by one the each disappeared into the darkness where the street lamps couldn't permeate the shadows. All but one left, and without turning around to see who it was he spoke to, Roderick asked, “Still here Clyde?” Roderick heard the man shift uncomfortably where he stood before he spoke.

“Yes sir. I was just curious,” he paused to swallow his nerves, "What next?”

Roderick laughed, “Next we go back into the bar, enjoy the ale, and I eat dinner for a second time tonight.”

“Yes but then what?” Clyde stepped forward, to better the conversation.

“Then we wait for our answer.”

::~::

19-Jun-2013 19:38:48 - Last edited on 21-Jun-2013 05:24:43 by MrEedamame

Areno3

Areno3

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I really liked it! Your descriptions painted a picture for me. The only time where you got long-winded was when you were describing Lance Moore (which happens to be the name of a wide receiver on the New Orleans Saints) and his royal armor.

But really, it was good. I'll be reading more once you put it up! :)

19-Jun-2013 21:31:42

Azigarath

Azigarath

Posts: 9,271 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Hello, I decided to stop by and be annoying.

Right off the bat, you use good description. Opening a story in a tavern is getting common, though.

“giant scales of well-polished metal laced together with tiny iron hooks, . . .”
Not sure how that works. Laces don’t need hooks, they can be tied onto the pourpoint to hold the armour. His helm is not described.

“with a ruby set pommel”
Pommels could indeed be precious stones, or inlaid with such, but it’d be foolish to bring such a weapon into a real fight. You wouldn’t want to smash your pommel to kill someone if it was made of a ruby. As such, steel is better.

“The man was not much older than himself, a full two heads taller, and easily had a hundred pounds on him.”
You mean two hundred pounds?

How Lance and Roderick keep leaning into each other is a bit weird.

How Lance is taken off his feet in one movement is also a bit, well, biased to your hero. A huge man in the military would be at least trained enough to stay on his feet. Wrestling, punching, kicking, pushing, head butting, tripping, arm-breaking, neck-cranking, kneeing and elbowing were all used in the Middle Ages during combat. I know this is fantasy, but hey, I just felt your action could have been spiced up a bit.

Here’s some titles, which you can copy-paste into the YouTube search bar, and then click on the according videos for good demonstrations for combat. Note that sword fighting is different if one is armoured or not. These are all optional, I’m just putting them here in case you’re interested.

Longsword Techniques - Receiving Strikes on Flat

CAS Hanwei - 2010 Blade show - John Clement* Historical European Swordsmanship

15th Century fighting demonstration

Fencing with five different medieval weapons

Fechten mit dem langen Schwert

SwArta Harnischfechten

Vyborg castle medieval mass fight

Twirch Ringe (c) n

Battle of the Nations 2012 - Poland vs Russia 21x21 (30 April)

Military Designs from Talhoffer's Medieval Combat Manual

20-Jun-2013 04:36:36 - Last edited on 20-Jun-2013 08:53:45 by Azigarath

MrEedamame

MrEedamame

Posts: 78 Iron Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Well, I can honestly say thank you for your comments. I now realize I've got a bit of research to do before I continue on. Though I'm sure I'll follow the bandwagon and end up rewriting this first scene. I do realize opening in a tavern is quite common right now, which is why I did it too. Not very original, no, but easy to use to jump back into the writing game after being away from it for so long. Thanks again for the information! I'll be sure to put it to good use in further developments! ^_^

20-Jun-2013 06:07:51

Azigarath

Azigarath

Posts: 9,271 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Of course, my suggestions are optional. You don’t have to do any of it if you don’t want to, I don’t want you to retype anything just because I suggested something. In fact, I’d feel bad if you decided to change everything just for me.

Instead, just do what you are doing, in your own way. The historic side of things are only for background, an extra source of something that may give you extra directions to expand creativity, especially in the combat department, to spice it up (that is, add more guts and blood). That’s all I’m saying, really, I really don’t want you to feel like I’m pushing you to do anything. It’s best to keep everything secondary, but your own agenda primary.

Thanks and you’re welcome, I’ll be back later.

20-Jun-2013 08:52:25

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