I've read it. It's good stuff. You have really come a long way in your writing. The descriptions and narrative is pretty much there. Just be cautious not to over-do things. Before Rowan enters into the story, I felt some of the expressions were over done, and seems unnecessary, in the grand scheme of things. Maybe toning it down a little will help.
But yes, I'm very impressed with this. It makes me miss Hunter vs Prey all the more.
Well, not in that sense. Probably a bit selfish to say, but it's more like a recognition thing, seeing your progress in you writing (and the process of becoming a writer) gives me a chance to look back on my own and makes me realise what I have lost out on in life.
But why does/should that depress you?
23-Jan-2011 23:29:37
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23-Jan-2011 23:37:02
by
Englishkid62
The good old days of the Peter Pan spirit. Its only when we mature that we realize what we truly had, and that it is now lost forever. Personally though, I do rejoice in the fact that I can comprehend and learn things way faster and better. I don't really miss the school days where I was stuck in Math, and I could do nothing but stare at my paper and sob inside.
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Just read the story! =D I love it! Definitely better than the other one; more details, more emotion, more everything. You really feel the atmosphere of the story.
I noticed two mistakes though, nothing major though. In the first of second post of the story, two words are stuck together. And the second one is that on the last post on the first page, every paragraph starts with "Rowan". Although not a mistake, it's a little repetitive. But I still can't fix that mistake in my own stories
So it really doesn't matter.
24-Jan-2011 16:47:24
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24-Jan-2011 17:10:44
by
Reaper Ben