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Englishkid62

Englishkid62

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"Jonathan decided to fill in the blanks in Rowan*s question himself, but he used a slightly condescending tone, “You mean do I like company that I would pay to help me run my business until the tournament? Company that I would have to watch at all times to make sure this so-called company doesn’t get themselves killed by a wild animal or fall off of a cliff?”"

--Bahahahahahaha!!! :D

"In in haste to lean forward and shake his new employer’s hand, Rowan tripped over a root and, whirling his arms wildly, pitched forward, slamming his upper chest and head into the body of the wagon. This in turn caused the cart-horse to neigh loudly and flick its head in alarm."

--Lol. Watch the error though.

"Breaking free from her hug, Rowan faced his father, who stuck out his hand. Rowan gripped it firmly and the two shook hands, which, to Rowan, seemed a bit too solemn for the occasion."

--Indeed! So ‘male’! I always feel a little sad when something like this happens.

"“I’ll have you know that Old Bradbuck is pulling a full cart while your horse has nothing but a scrawny little boy sitting atop him who looks slightly like a man.”"

-- :D I love banters!

"“So we merchants keep our true wealth a secret, so that hundreds of trader wannabes don’t spring up from every corner, and I’m telling you now, if you ever tell anyone about this I’ll…never take you with me again,” he finished lamely."

--Ah, the subtle trailing off at the end is so fantastic.

"Rowan was getting a little tired of the Aridy jokes and pretended he hadn’t heard."

--I’ll also pretend I did*’t read…

Is it just me or has your writing skills really improved? This is impressive writing. Realistic dialogues, and you gave us lovable characters. I think though, however, the plotting could do with some work. So far we know Rowan needs the money and we are taking a huge diversion. Remember to keep our intrigue at every stage, without dragging it on for too long. We don't want to lose sight of the overall direction.

04-Mar-2011 13:33:29 - Last edited on 04-Mar-2011 13:37:52 by Englishkid62

Caydock

Caydock

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Adds. :)
-
Breakfast the next morning was just as good as dinner. The pancakes topped with butter and sweet syrup were an amazing change from the thin gruel that Rowan was used to having and he devoured six before stopping. They were up early, and the inn was empty enough that Lydia was able to sit with them and have her breakfast without having to constantly jump up to serve a customer.

Jonathan was eager to get moving, so as to be as close to Lioper as possible when night fell, but Rowan could see that he was saddened to be leaving so soon. It was obvious that both Lyida and Jonathan had feelings for each other and Rowan felt certain that it wouldn’t be long before Jonathan was here again.

After bidding farewell to Lydia, Rowan and Jonathan went to get their horses. The cart was still there and, after a quick run through of the contents, they saw that nothing was missing. The same stable-hand from the previous night was there, fast asleep on his stool.

“Good morning, sirs,” he said after Rowan’s boot had awoken him. “Come to get your horses?”

The man allowed Rowan and Jonathan to follow him into the stable so that they could saddle the horses in their own fashion. Victory neighed to Rowan as he saw his master approaching and Rowan stroked his nose lovingly. “Hi, boy. Miss me?”

Victory snorted the affirmative and Rowan proceeded to saddle him, making sure that the straps were all correctly fastened before leading the black steed out of the stable. Jonathan was having some trouble getting Old Bradbuck to move; the morning was cold and the horse was happy in the warm hay. But after a swift nudge to the backside, Bradbuck was on his feet faster than most horses his age could manage.

08-Mar-2011 22:57:30

Caydock

Caydock

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It wasn’t long before Derthi disappeared in the rolling curves of the hills. They could catch glimpses of it over their shoulders whenever they ascended a small hill and, each time they did, Jonathan exhaled heavily. Rowan was getting slightly irritated at the noise and he broke the silence. “Picking up from where we left off, my uncle was an officer in the Royal Guard—although he was very closemouthed about it— and he had a summer home in Clomulous.”

Jonathan seemed eager to take his mind off of what he had left behind, “I’ve heard that they have some great countryside houses there.”

Rowan bobbed his head, “They do. My uncle invited my entire family over to spend the summer with one year and, after much convincing and arguing, my father finally agreed. It was his brother, after all. I loved it there, if I remember right. We went into town about once a day, which made my parents very uncomfortable. My cousins taught me a lot about...normal things. I really enjoyed it there and hoped we would do it again, but my father and uncle had an argument right before we left and never talked to each other again.”

Jonathan looked sympathetic and shifted around on his wagon seat, “They might make up one day, you know.”

Rowan’s head shook side to side, “My uncle is dead. He was killed while trying to settle a land dispute in Byrdough two years ago. He was shot by an archer from behind when the two sides erupted into open hostility.”

“I’m sorry,” Jonathan said, looking sincere.

Rowan patted Victory’s neck, “He left me Victory in his will, along with my sword.”

“Well that was nice of him.”

“Yes, it was.”

They road for an hour in silence, but Jonathan could see that Rowan was about to explode with pent up energy. His companion was shifting around in the saddle and constantly readjusting his sword where it hung loosely on his back. Victory seemed restless as well, snuffling and tossing his mane around.

08-Mar-2011 22:59:53

Caydock

Caydock

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Jonathan took pity on the pair. “Rowan, you can stay here if you’d like and practice with your sword for a while before catching up with me later.”

Rowan grinned jubilantly, “Really? I was just thinking about how much I wished I could practice. How did you know?”

A sarcastic comment rose but Jonathan pushed it down, saying merely, “Oh, I could tell. Besides, if you’re serious about winning that contest you need all the practice you can get.”

Rowan reined Victory in and slid from the saddle, “Well thanks a lot, Jonathan. I’ll catch up with you in an hour or so. Shouldn’t be too hard,” he said, gesturing at Old Bradbuck, who seemed satisfied to move at a snail’s pace.

“No, I suppose it shouldn’t,” Jonathan agreed wryly. “Well, I’ll see you then.”

But Rowan was already drawing his sword and performing his customary inspection, and did*’t respond. Jonathan let him be and flicked Old Bradbuck’s rump a little harder with the reins. The cart rattled away.

After a thoroughly enjoyable session, Rowan was breathing heavily. He wiped the sweat from his eyes and scrubbed his face with his damp shirt. Victory had waited patiently while his owner had practiced and Rowan was pleased to see that the horse hadn’t run away while being unsecured. “Your turn, boy,” Rowan murmured as he mounted Victory.

Rowan wheeled Victory so that they faced in the direction Jonathan had gone. “Ready?” Rowan asked, gripping Victory’s body tightly with his knees and squeezing the pommel with his right hand. Victory whinnied and Rowan whooped, snapping the reins with his left hand and nudging the horse’s sides with his heels.

Victory sped along the ground, his mane blowing in the wind and hooves pounding into the soft grass. Wind-induced tears tracked down Rowan’s face and he blinked them away, reveling in the sensation of flying along the ground.

08-Mar-2011 23:01:50

Caydock

Caydock

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Minutes sped by and Victory was still going strong, which made sense when you took into account that he had been walking at the pace of a horse three times his age for the past day and a half.

But sooner than both Rowan and Victory would have liked, Jonathan came into site, clattering along in his cart ahead in the distance. Rowan sighed. Riding at full speed on Victory over the hills and grass had been amazing. He could have gotten used to it.

-End of Chapter Three-

08-Mar-2011 23:03:04

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