RuneScape Forum Archive | Story of Guthix the Werewolf

Azigarath

Posts: 9,271 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

“backhand slapped Guthix with his claws right across the face.”
Do the vampires have claws or nails? Hitting with the back of the hand wouldn’t make the claws scratch someone. The slap sends Guthix flying into a tree. Such force would apply to the hand, and probably shatter it.

The vampires complain of the magical sword. If only a magic sword can hurt them, what if a vampire was beaten with a baseball bat (or a goedendag, the medieval version of a baseball bat) until every bone in his body was broken?

“His head had to weave the flesh and bone back together from such a powerful smack.”
A smack can cause a fracture?

Guthix goes into a bush, and the vampires don’t notice, but they can anticipate things while in trees. I’m guessing he will transform into a werewolf and the vampires will run away. The vampires can’t find them in bushes for a while. The vampires run away because Guthix’s eyes change colour.

“The vampire that he stabbed into the tree had got away as if it was only a minor flesh wound, even after being impaled into a tree.”
How did it escape if it was impaled?

Guthix goes back to camp and becomes unconscious.

And that’s Chapter 1. Chapter 1 features the theme of persistence and perseverance, breaking through the obstacles of problems, and a little dishonesty to fool opponents to survive and protect the defenceless. Although the vampires are terrified by attacking a werewolf, Guthix’s father was an exception, I suppose he was more notable for reasons to be revealed later. Another good thing about the chapter was its length.

05-Dec-2013 21:52:54

Azigarath

Posts: 9,271 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Well, I think I will stop with feedback for now, and instead read coming chapters with minimal comments. Interaction is better in quantity; your enemies communicate with each other, and you put a few issues for your hero. Just try to make your characters a bit more believable in their speech, and increase their vision (it’s like they can*t see anything beyond ten feet). Also, try to memorise the rules. You can also just read other books and stuff for an easier idea on things.

That’s all for now, then, good luck on future work.

05-Dec-2013 21:53:00

Guthix SS4

Posts: 20,526 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Thanks for the feedback, I hope you enjoyed reading the first chapter also as for Beth, the mother of Guthix the werewolf, it was stated in the prologue that she was going to have to stay in the village since when she brought Guthix to the village the village elder had said she would have to stay to take care of Guthix since Guthix was only a few weeks old and he would need his mother.

I can only hope but to improve as I continue writing my next chapter.

and nothing was spoiled

06-Dec-2013 06:24:57

Guthix SS4

Posts: 20,526 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Also it was explained that the vampire that got impaled turned into purple mist and flew away. I hope that helps clear that mystery, it is an ability some of the vampires in rs have, unless you have a special weapon you cannot kill them.

and nothing was spoiled

06-Dec-2013 06:30:57

Azigarath

Posts: 9,271 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

I see, I will admit I don't know much about RS even though this account is almost ten years old. In fact, most of us here don't really play RS anymore. I will toss another suggestion in that you don't have to play by the rules set by RS, this is your story, and you are allowed to go beyond anything you want. Add a new race, change in-game lore, alter history, add history - the list goes on and on, you should be within freedom of art after all.

As for those vampires, well, what if you cut their legs and arms and head off? XD

06-Dec-2013 19:24:12

Guthix SS4

Posts: 20,526 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Ah, I only plan on using the a few creature's abilities in rs but most of it is original. Most of the thread other than the vampires I have changed up a bit. Believe me I am not going to follow the current lore of rs as I don't agree where things are going with the lore.

and nothing was spoiled

07-Dec-2013 11:22:52

The Level

Posts: 8,999 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Alright I'm caught up.

I think your dialogue is a little wooden and too formal. Aim to have your characters talk more naturally. Also, I would look up the uses of commas, as it seems you aren't quite sure when they're needed.

Other than that, I'm looking forward to more! Keep on writing!

07-Dec-2013 19:29:03