RuneScape Forum Archive | ~~English's Forgotten Tales~~

Englishkid62

Posts: 9,782 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Pause. This wasn’t going well. The silence now existed between us was all I wanted. Nobody at this point would have anything constructive to say. They needed time. In time they would see me on my knees, as I was now, begging for their love, and that I wished to be in this situation no more than they did. My heart was pounding so loud as if it was about to break. We needed this silence. We needed time to get use to this subject and we needed time to structure a coherent response –
First, there was a slow sigh from my Mum. A sad one. I felt the sigh of woe brushing past my hair and cheek so softly as if it was a summer breeze. I felt the sigh of woe, humming the music of a gentle disappointment which rung again and again in my very ears with its crushing sorrow. I felt the sigh of woe touching my heart – and I was ashamed, releasing a drop of my own tear onto the dining table. Then there was my Mum’s audible weeping. Her face was in her hands when she told me:
“You weren’t brought up to like – guys!” Her voice broke along with all her high hopes and ambitions from her one and only son.
I was hurt, and I allowed myself to recover before I spoke again.
“No, but I was born this way.” I expressed grimly.
“Do you know what I want to do right now, at this minute?” Dad bellowed, “I want to come over and bash your head in, because you, are not my son.”
“Honey–” Mum continued weeping.
“I suggest you leave and stay in your room for the rest of the evening,” The murderous look on Dad had my own legs shaking, “You have made us very angry tonight.”
I was still.
“JUST GO!”

12-Feb-2011 17:22:18 - Last edited on 02-Apr-2011 10:45:13 by Englishkid62

Englishkid62

Posts: 9,782 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Given the opportunity to leave, I leapt up from my chair and paced quickly towards my room. I couldn’t believe this. Right now I wanted to get run over by a bus or a train or anything that would remove me from this cold, unfeeling place. I was in pain and was no happier than before. I was not liberated. Right now I even hated myself, for who I am, what I am, and what I just did to my parents. Ashamed. I felt the poison of remorse in me. I could still hear the sigh of woe in my room, and I could hear it in my dreams.
Failed, was my mini-revolution. It was but a fool’s hope.
***
There was all but one person I wanted to speak to right now.
"They said they would always love me and would hold me when my very heart was cold. They said they’d be there for me no matter what it was. I used to feel so safe around them, you know?” I typed gloomily. “You were right: life is hard once you’re out. I was this - hated thing – amongst them. It was not even a family anymore.”
“I wish I was there to hold you,” Chris sighed and smiled sadly. “It is a difficult time for everyone. I had a dream last night, and I saw you walking down a path of darkness and horror. I was calling out to you but you didn't seem to hear me – God, I cried so loud when I woke up. I thought something had happened. Anyway, what are you going to do now, that your parents had known?”
“I dunno,” I imagined myself being held, which filled my heart with a certain feeling of reassurance and a warmth that I desperately needed – it wasn’t quite the warmth that I had experienced all my life, but it was a comforting one, a generous one nonetheless. "I want you.”

12-Feb-2011 17:22:18 - Last edited on 02-Apr-2011 10:56:44 by Englishkid62

Englishkid62

Posts: 9,782 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

“So do I, honey,” Chris said impassionedly. “But would there ever be a world for us? Do we deserve a life of our own and our happily-ever-afters? Are we human beings and do we owe the world?”
I was silent: I was not obliged to answer, for these questions were not directed at me. Even if we could get together some day – even then, our future would be bleaker still. We would still be pursued by the morality of righteousness and certain unthinking haters across the globe. Wherever we were, there would be plenty who’d trouble us, plenty who’d exclude us and plenty who’d attempt to convert us.
“Why do they hate us so?” Chris continued. “What have we ever done to them? Did we not live the way they expected us to?”
“I guess there are certain rules – hidden rules in the world that you had to follow,” I added, “should you want to live your life undisturbed.”
“Yeah? Who made these rules? Who, in our names agreed to them?”
Casting my mind back to my Bible reading classes, I seemed to have found when the rule was first made.
“God made the rules," I told him. “and Adam and Eve were set to be our example of a conventional relationship.”
“Okay … where are Adam and Eve now?"
"Dead, I suppose.”
Chris snorted in ridicule.
“Why should the dead dictate whatever we do, how we should live our lives and tell us how we feel about each other?” Chris challenged. As always, I could not find answers to his questions. How could I? Who was I to change the way we live? Maybe the task was not appointed to me, I did not know. One thing I knew for certain: we both needed love back in our lives.

12-Feb-2011 17:22:18 - Last edited on 02-Apr-2011 10:57:06 by Englishkid62

Englishkid62

Posts: 9,782 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

We spent several hours planning and discussing our own future that night, and for once our future was entirely in our hands. I promised him we’d meet one day, and we would have a fantastic future, living together. We could have a happy ending, living in our mansion and even adopt a few children, and we could spend the rest of our lives together. Before that, though, there were some tiny issues I had to resolve first.
Two weeks later, I was leaving college with a grin on my face, knowing full well the fact that I had committed a certain unmentionable mischief which I would never regret. This was the day – the day where certain old ways of life must come to an end.
Sarah offered to walk me home after college today and I saw no better chance to come out to her than that. By now, the all too familiar expression I received in similar situations had began to amuse me – it was a mixture of certain horror; apparent distress with complaint; outrage, disappointment and sometimes a gleam of haughtiness in their eyes. Of course, I had to do this after college, for I could not allow time for the rumour to spread and spoil my big day with a couple of unnecessary injuries from a few unwanted assaults.
I was going to meet Chris. On the previous night I spent four hours packing my luggage and I knew this was going to be 'the quest of my life’. Nothing could go wrong. Nothing could make a difference, not even if my parents had a word to say about it – I was leaving. Perhaps the only difference there could be, was the manner in which I leave the house: whether I was thrown out in shame and contempt or whether my parents would give me a hug and wave me goodbye forever.

12-Feb-2011 17:22:18 - Last edited on 02-Apr-2011 10:57:22 by Englishkid62

Englishkid62

Posts: 9,782 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Speaking of my parents, I had not been communicating well with them for the past two weeks – or rather, we had not been communicating at all. I had developed the habit of eating out and returning late every evening. Before I head straight into my room, I would always find chilled food on my plate with cutlery laid out neatly on the table (for my own use, perhaps?) along with a card, wrote: “May God help you.”

For weeks there was but silence ringing in the endless hallway. As the night sky darkened and I was ready to sleep, an inaudible combination of a prayer and muffled weeping drifted into my ears and echoed from the doorway to my room, prickling the tiniest hairs on the back of my neck to the innermost strings of my unthankful heart.

“What’s with the luggage?” Mum looked as if she had been crying a great deal lately, she definitely looked better when I saw her three days ago, “Danny, where are you going?”

It now seemed awkward to talk to my parents in the same way that I had used to. Perceiving a conversation in development, I knew Dad would be here in no time too.
“I’m going to meet the love of my life, Mama,” I replied calm and confident. “I’m here to say farewell.”
“Danny, why are you doing this?” Mum cried. “We brought you up: we fed you when you were hungry; we clothed you when you were cold; we bathed you before you could even say 'Thank you’. You had everything. What else do you need? Are you just going to walk out on us like this?”
“I’m sorry, Mum.” Realizing what I owed them I held my breath. “No matter what I do, there is no way I can ever repay you for anything that you did. You are both fabulous parents – thank you.”
“I’m getting old,” said Mum. “Holding my grandchild in my arms was all I can hope for now. Being a grandmother makes me feel needed again, you know? I would love to be a grandmother still.”

12-Feb-2011 17:22:18 - Last edited on 02-Apr-2011 10:57:36 by Englishkid62

Englishkid62

Posts: 9,782 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

“If you insist, Mum.” I declared resolutely, “Then we have nothing to say to each other.” And I turned my back on her as my eyes began to water again. I heard a rapid succession of footsteps.

“Walk out of that door and you won’t touch a penny of my inheritance!” boomed Dad, who had just arrived at the door – as if it was anything of importance.

“I’m sorry, Mum, Dad,” I gave them both one last look in turn. “There is something money can’t buy.”

I knew I lied again. It did make a difference the way my parents chose to give me their farewell. Much of the joy and excitement I once had was lost and was cruelly replaced with sadness, frustration and desperation. I was leaving my house for the final time. Ashamed.
“When Feeling, Passion and Desire overcome Reason, it denies all rationality and consciousness of a living soul.”
***
I was nervous, and scared too. This wasn’t the first time I traveled abroad but it was the first of which I traveled alone, completely unaccompanied. Quite solitary, in fact, that I made my way from the entrance to the terminal without conversing a single word to anyone else. I had never stepped into this side of the airport before: it had a hall filled with breath-taking grandeur and sparkling lights on the roof, the shiny glass fence was as hypnotizing as the scent of the chilled, clean air. Perhaps I would miss this country.
The terminal this evening was fairly crowded: yet in the midst of the crowd, I was alone. When the minute was up and we were told to begin to board – the group of happy children gathered around their parents and began to chatter excitedly. From time to time I would imagine and smile at the thought of my Dad telling me (when I was a child): “Take one more step and you’re in big trouble, young man!”
Then I realized, at this moment, that if I stepped on the plane I’d have no coming back.

12-Feb-2011 17:22:18 - Last edited on 02-Apr-2011 10:48:45 by Englishkid62

Englishkid62

Posts: 9,782 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Would, and could I give up everything I once knew? I was sure if I returned home now I’d be an idiot forever, and I would be sent all the way back to square one, betraying Chris, myself and all expectations and then the conventionalists would win the day again. I wanted to win. Biting my lips hard, I stepped forward on to the plane. I wanted my happy ending.
It was as I sat down, when I had put on my seat-belt, I was filled with immense sorrow. On the contrary I had every right to be jolly and excited – this was the ultimate adventure of my life – my quest for love was about to take off, right now.
I knew I had hurt my parents this evening. They did feed me, clothe me and protect me daily, did they not? Now I was on the plane, I didn't want it to take off anymore. At what cost is love? Right now I felt nothing but an intense poignancy – I was angry with them yet they deserved better than my betrayal. I remembered the time when Dad used to rub his forehead against mine when I was little. They used to take me to the park where we’d have picnic on a grassy plain full of flowers, and I would press my hands into the creamy salad dressings and made hand prints on the grass … so many years ago. I was nothing but heart broken that night, and slept as the plane thrust itself into the endless night above.
I must have skipped a meal or two on the plane, for I found myself waking up on an early Sunday morning, local time. A morning prayer nearby startled me and I turned to find a little boy being educated in the words of God. At least I was old enough to make my own decisions, I thought to myself. Nothing could replace the warmth of my parents’ presence. The journey was colder than any day of winter I had ever experienced. There was a comedy on TV and I tried to allow myself be entertained.
I couldn’t take all – even if I was the victor.

12-Feb-2011 17:26:24 - Last edited on 02-Apr-2011 10:57:54 by Englishkid62

Englishkid62

Posts: 9,782 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Upon arrival I had naught but the slightest confusions when I navigated through the terminals, since this airport was much smaller and simple compared to the one from which I had set off. I was disappointed however, with the weight of my wallet after the currency exchange – it was of little amount afterwards, but I’ll live, at least for another day or so.

I came prepared: I was armed with a map of the area and I knew exactly how I could get to where we had agreed to meet, on Sunday at eleven o’clock. After the taxi driver put me down but five dollars, I simply inserted my last coin into the bucket labeled ‘Campaign for equality and freedom.’ It was pure charity, of course. Those who try to make a difference get my vote and support. On the down side, though: I was penniless and I couldn’t even afford a bar of chocolate.

It was strange that Chris nominated this small coffee shop as our meeting place. There was nothing spectacular or intensely romantic about the interior design – which was rather bare, in actual fact. The place was deserted: there were years-old filths and a tense silence in the air. On this sunny Sunday morning there was nobody but me in this cool, dim place. There was nobody I could call. In this corner of the street I knew not a single soul. What was the emergency service number in this country, anyway?

For another minute the place remained empty and sinister, as if a dark beast was hiding in the shadows waiting for the right moment to jump, plough, and to make me wish that I had never been born.

12-Feb-2011 17:26:24 - Last edited on 02-Apr-2011 10:49:47 by Englishkid62

Englishkid62

Posts: 9,782 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

The flushing sound of the toilet had me holding my breath. It came from the inside – beyond the still, wooden door. “I’d take you to my place.” Chris’s voice echoed menacingly in my head. In reality I had not long to wait at all before he made his appearance. A tall, giant figure of a man, perhaps fifty years of age, stepped out slowly through the door, acknowledging my presence with a nod. He was wearing a bright orange T-shirt and a pair of summer shorts; he was barely pleasant to look at and he had no hair. He turned, and grinned at his costumer.

“Hello there,” he said in his deep voice. “How can I help you? What’s your name?”

Disturbed, I replied blankly, “Danny.”

“Ah.” He made a noise of faint recognition. Chris never told me his real age, but fifty was a long way over my expectation. Did I even ask for Chris’s real age? – Why didn't I ask him?

“What drinks would you like?” He smiled. “I have coffee, tea and hot chocolate on offer … with cream?” He winked suggestively and resumed preparing the drinks without an answer. How could I not have guessed? Chris was, after all, an expert in pretence and concealment.

“I don’t have any money, actually, and I was just stopping by,” I lied. “I was just leaving, actually–”

“Free drinks for you today, Danny, all free,” He laughed. “Come and sit at the table. You must’ve waited long. It is a beautiful Sunday morning, isn’t it? You looked pale and tired – please do sit down. I’ll be with you shortly.”

I obeyed and sat down with uncertainty and a certain discomfort. Staring into my watch it was not two seconds until eleven o’clock. My prince was nowhere to be seen. At least, I refused to believe my eyes and insisted on my dream.
“So … traveled far?” He put his arm around my shoulder as a friendly gesture as he sat down next to me, placing a grey mug before me and one before him.
“Yes…” I said bitterly. “–What?”

12-Feb-2011 17:26:25 - Last edited on 02-Apr-2011 10:58:18 by Englishkid62

Englishkid62

Posts: 9,782 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

He pointed at the white airline tags on my luggage and I ignored him, for I was not obliged to speak. The fact was that I didn't even want to speak to him – I stared blankly into my mug of hot chocolate while his voice whispered so gently in my ear … I was in a dream and I saw nothing but mist and steam around me. It had passed eleven o’clock and my heart sank. I knew what was happening and what was about to happen.

I had fallen for it. The bait, the trap, the gigantic hook. I knew I wasn’t going to leave here alive today and I was so far – too far away from home. What was the desperation? I certainly was sane, human, highly intelligent, and was definitely not greedy nor hungry. Yet here I was, trapped with a hook piercing deep into my heart.

“I’m sorry, this place is usually quite quiet,” the voice whispered. "I don’t usually get many people here. Want to have some fun?” I was not listening to him, for I was in utter dismay. Should I run for it? Even if I was successful I’d be wandering in a vast, foreign land – penniless. What would I do for a living? Relinquishing my thoughts of escape, I knew I would be lucky to break through those strong arms at any rate. I used to have my heart connected to Chris whenever I talked to him, and right now I no longer felt the same. I could not connect to him – this monster by my side.
“My goodness!” He exclaimed as a group of around ten children, no more than nine years of age, made their way into the cafe after the two young-looking teachers. The pair of them, of opposite genders were counting the children’s orders after what seemingly was a mountain walk. It didn't take me long to notice the teachers were an enthusiastic couple. I felt the heavy arm being lifted from my shoulders as he hurried to take up their orders.

12-Feb-2011 17:26:25 - Last edited on 02-Apr-2011 10:58:49 by Englishkid62

Forums

~~English's Forgotten Tales~~

English's Forgotten Tales