ELFIE'S NOTES
I decided to rate you Advanced instead of Medium due to the high quality that I'm used to seeing from you.
I was a little hesitant about delivering this review because I'm pretty certain that the quality of your writing is better than mine, so I would look at a word that I thought was 'off' and think, "Maybe he knows something I don't...
"
I was a little pickier than I usually am with an Advanced review. I suppose I hate seeing even little flaws in a good story such as this.
Your characters are believable and realistic. Anthoni strikes me as the knowledgeable, moralistic warrior who has many lessons to share, while Landon strikes me as the ‘wot wot, old chap’ kind of guy. All in all, good characters, certainly.
Since you stated several times that you were writing a purposely cliché plot, I won’t grade it as harshly as I could. The hunt for uber power has been done a lot, though.
Your description is where you excel, although at times you can go overboard and weigh down the story without actually advancing it. Butchering description is something that I disapprove of, but a trim here and there would certainly improve the reading experience.
Captivation: Very good. The characters, especially, help me to delve into your world. A high mark here.
Characters: 19/20
Description: 18.5/20
Plot: 15.5/20
Setting: 16.5/20
Captivation: 18/20
Total: 88% (87.5/100)
Congratulations!
I decided to rate you Advanced instead of Medium due to the high quality that I'm used to seeing from you.
I was a little hesitant about delivering this review because I'm pretty certain that the quality of your writing is better than mine, so I would look at a word that I thought was 'off' and think, "Maybe he knows something I don't...
"
I was a little pickier than I usually am with an Advanced review. I suppose I hate seeing even little flaws in a good story such as this.
Your characters are believable and realistic. Anthoni strikes me as the knowledgeable, moralistic warrior who has many lessons to share, while Landon strikes me as the ‘wot wot, old chap’ kind of guy. All in all, good characters, certainly.
Since you stated several times that you were writing a purposely cliché plot, I won’t grade it as harshly as I could. The hunt for uber power has been done a lot, though.
Your description is where you excel, although at times you can go overboard and weigh down the story without actually advancing it. Butchering description is something that I disapprove of, but a trim here and there would certainly improve the reading experience.
Captivation: Very good. The characters, especially, help me to delve into your world. A high mark here.
Characters: 19/20
Description: 18.5/20
Plot: 15.5/20
Setting: 16.5/20
Captivation: 18/20
Total: 88% (87.5/100)
Congratulations!
03-Mar-2009 05:45:13 - Last edited on 03-Mar-2009 12:04:41 by WintryElf