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~` Illusions `~
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Sliding to his feet, Anthoni repositioned himself with his sword and pressed heavily on his left foot, anticipating Drake’s next move. The assassin regained control of himself and faced Anthoni, staring into his eyes with a brooding hate; it was time.
Drake’s right arm, holding the sword, swung at him with a reversed blow, but Anthoni was able to sweep it away with a turn on his own wrist. His foe’s body continued through the momentum, though, swinging to the right and the shield came raging towards him. Ducking, Anthoni found his opportunity.
Hold on, Drake’s sword is still stuck in the dirt. How did it appear in his hand?
Landon sat straight up and looked at Brexton, staring into his eyes that had since attached themselves to his body.
Too wordy. Cut it off at –staring into his eyes.-
Anthoni’s arm darted upwards and sent Drake’s sword plummeting into the river, falling to its depths in a matter of seconds from the weight. The general’s shield then curved into a second direction, and Drake’s chest was ripped from its standing point, sending his body to the ground.
The soldier rolled to his feet and held his shield in one hand, searching for his blade in a mad rush of adrenaline. He had used most of his energy to save himself, and was tiring from the extraneous actions of the battle. Unable to locate his weapon fast enough, though, his eyes moved upwards and caught those of Drake, which were bleeding with rage and intensity.
Drake tossed his shield to the ground and lifted the dagger from the space it had landed, holding it with cruel intent, ready to finish Anthoni, who was defenseless. The two circled one another, staring endlessly, until, finally, Drake plunged into the fray.
I’m losing track of this. Can you explain it more clearly? Who’s sword is lost, and who’s lying on the ground?
Korinth was crushed and could not even cry out as she saw he brother be cremated alive; she just looked on.
Her brother. And how can she see if she’s crushed?
Drake’s right arm, holding the sword, swung at him with a reversed blow, but Anthoni was able to sweep it away with a turn on his own wrist. His foe’s body continued through the momentum, though, swinging to the right and the shield came raging towards him. Ducking, Anthoni found his opportunity.
Hold on, Drake’s sword is still stuck in the dirt. How did it appear in his hand?
Landon sat straight up and looked at Brexton, staring into his eyes that had since attached themselves to his body.
Too wordy. Cut it off at –staring into his eyes.-
Anthoni’s arm darted upwards and sent Drake’s sword plummeting into the river, falling to its depths in a matter of seconds from the weight. The general’s shield then curved into a second direction, and Drake’s chest was ripped from its standing point, sending his body to the ground.
The soldier rolled to his feet and held his shield in one hand, searching for his blade in a mad rush of adrenaline. He had used most of his energy to save himself, and was tiring from the extraneous actions of the battle. Unable to locate his weapon fast enough, though, his eyes moved upwards and caught those of Drake, which were bleeding with rage and intensity.
Drake tossed his shield to the ground and lifted the dagger from the space it had landed, holding it with cruel intent, ready to finish Anthoni, who was defenseless. The two circled one another, staring endlessly, until, finally, Drake plunged into the fray.
I’m losing track of this. Can you explain it more clearly? Who’s sword is lost, and who’s lying on the ground?
Korinth was crushed and could not even cry out as she saw he brother be cremated alive; she just looked on.
Her brother. And how can she see if she’s crushed?
03-Mar-2009 05:41:16
its color, slowly, began to change.
Take out both commas.
Candlelight lit the bar in a fragile glow as the bartender touched a match to the tip of several that rested along the counter
Were matches invented?
“Who are you to command me?” Brexton inquired, stepping with a daring stare that struck into the heart of the common salesman.
LOL. I love this. But it really should be ‘...struck fear into the heart...’
Withholding his anger, Brexton could do nothing by reclaim his place beside Anthoni
But reclaim his place.
I think that, if we are to even be close to successful on this mission, we will need men with their expertise to lead us their.
There.
“That note weighs heavily on all of our minds, an the warning it has given does not help.”
And.
Maxwell slipped the sharpened point of his blade softly between his fingers, trying to identify the quality of the metal he possessed, and how it would fair in battle.
Fare.
Take out both commas.
Candlelight lit the bar in a fragile glow as the bartender touched a match to the tip of several that rested along the counter
Were matches invented?
“Who are you to command me?” Brexton inquired, stepping with a daring stare that struck into the heart of the common salesman.
LOL. I love this. But it really should be ‘...struck fear into the heart...’
Withholding his anger, Brexton could do nothing by reclaim his place beside Anthoni
But reclaim his place.
I think that, if we are to even be close to successful on this mission, we will need men with their expertise to lead us their.
There.
“That note weighs heavily on all of our minds, an the warning it has given does not help.”
And.
Maxwell slipped the sharpened point of his blade softly between his fingers, trying to identify the quality of the metal he possessed, and how it would fair in battle.
Fare.
03-Mar-2009 05:42:28
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