Please note that my corrections are in chronological order and may be found through a ctrl-F.
Capt Chekaka’s Review: Illusions
49-50-309-58156467
Advanced-Medium
Prose
SPELLING AND GRAMMAR CORRECTIONS
The weight was heavy, but his four years with the army commander had made him stronger than the normal civilian, and, with his weapon by his side, he was also a far more deadly force.
I don’t think there should be a comma after ‘and.’
“This man,” Anthoni started, “was sent by Rezod to kill me.
I think this should be ‘stated.’
If they are able to accomplish this, then, by all means, there will be no king.
Unless this is from the narrator’s perspective, you hopped tenses.
Its rays lighted the world for all to see, and its presence calmed many who feared that which walked within the darkness.
Lit, not lighted.
Quickly, the small, balding man turned and gave a look of wanting to his companion.
Do men usually give looks of wanting to other men? O.o
Looking up, he saw the rooftops merged into one and covered the street with its large presence.
Their large presences.
The shop was fairly bland: a wooden counter that held the money and all other things that related to the running of the store, a few bookshelves that were stocked to the top with stories about great adventurers, and the rest of the “decorations” were the swords that hung from the ceiling and walls, each a different size or color.
Stacked to the top, I would think.
Jacob and Landon stepped out of the large bank, cleared and ready to go.
What do you mean by ‘cleared?’ Cleared of all charges? Or were you trying to say ‘cleaned?’
After they purchased the sword, the two travelers had made their way over to the bank, which was located a little farther past the courtyard.
After they –had- purchased the sword.
Also, in the midst of it all, a pair a rounded glasses sat on her face, adding a touch of perfection; for beneath them sat two deep eyes of endless blue.
A pair of rounded glasses.
03-Mar-2009 05:34:10