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Here goes something...
True Love: Since I already made a big review for this, I'll skip it this time. The same is true for The Clairvoyant.
A Sonnet That Isn't A Sonnet:
I like this poem, it's meaningful and depressing. Two things:
"Warbling warnings" sounds silly, doesn't really make sense, and detracts from the mood. I'd change "warbling" to something more appropriate.
"What once was sane has now become deranged."
This doesn't quite fit the structure. I'd change it to something like, "What once was sane has turned deranged."
Otherwise, all good.
Untitled:
Great poem here. It's short, but gets a lot said. Again, two things:
"ends with two ways, at least" doesn't sound quite right and failed to capitalize the 'e'.
"Both paths do lead to anew" sounds strange. Did you mean 'renewal'?
Sestina:
This poem I didn't really get, which probably says more about me than it does about you. I liked some of the lines, but certain things kept me from enjoying it. Mainly, your long and clumsy-seeming lines, and your use of the word 'ineptitude' five times. Though I know this was supposed to be poignant, it just confused me.
Innfest Round Three:
This is a cheerful little story. The Canon Lawyer in me wants to pick on every little part in it that breaks Runescape continuity, but I've locked him in the Prince's Wish. That'll keep him busy for a while. (No offense, Riekan.
)
So, let's see. A little join project. You write the second half, Dram writes the first. A tale of forgiveness, and of moving on. Only trouble is, Dream's story implies Ellemaria's planting of the tree indicates reconciliation, while yours indicates a proper end to the whole thing. Other than that, nice job.
Oh, and Ellemaria is nobility, and she wasn't very nice, anyways, and her planting of the tree was just due to the player bring her the-mmf! Sorry, he must've got out!
Innfest Round Three:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
My only issue is that you wrote '71' instead of 'seventy-one'...
True Love: Since I already made a big review for this, I'll skip it this time. The same is true for The Clairvoyant.
A Sonnet That Isn't A Sonnet:
I like this poem, it's meaningful and depressing. Two things:
"Warbling warnings" sounds silly, doesn't really make sense, and detracts from the mood. I'd change "warbling" to something more appropriate.
"What once was sane has now become deranged."
This doesn't quite fit the structure. I'd change it to something like, "What once was sane has turned deranged."
Otherwise, all good.
Untitled:
Great poem here. It's short, but gets a lot said. Again, two things:
"ends with two ways, at least" doesn't sound quite right and failed to capitalize the 'e'.
"Both paths do lead to anew" sounds strange. Did you mean 'renewal'?
Sestina:
This poem I didn't really get, which probably says more about me than it does about you. I liked some of the lines, but certain things kept me from enjoying it. Mainly, your long and clumsy-seeming lines, and your use of the word 'ineptitude' five times. Though I know this was supposed to be poignant, it just confused me.
Innfest Round Three:
This is a cheerful little story. The Canon Lawyer in me wants to pick on every little part in it that breaks Runescape continuity, but I've locked him in the Prince's Wish. That'll keep him busy for a while. (No offense, Riekan.
)
So, let's see. A little join project. You write the second half, Dram writes the first. A tale of forgiveness, and of moving on. Only trouble is, Dream's story implies Ellemaria's planting of the tree indicates reconciliation, while yours indicates a proper end to the whole thing. Other than that, nice job.
Oh, and Ellemaria is nobility, and she wasn't very nice, anyways, and her planting of the tree was just due to the player bring her the-mmf! Sorry, he must've got out!
Innfest Round Three:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
My only issue is that you wrote '71' instead of 'seventy-one'...
22-Nov-2010 16:35:32
...and suchwhat.
Evisceration:
Well, I like this. I think it could have used more puns, and the last four lines broke the only structure I could find. But otherwise, it was pretty gut.
EDIT: Haha! I'd like to say this was an intentional pun, but it wasn't. I often lapse into small bits of Deutsch (for my own benefit, as I'm bad with languages), and only realized now that 'gut' fits pretty well in this piece.
Limericks:
The second to last one is the only one I don't really like, because it's blocky and confused.
All in all: Nice job, good day.
Evisceration:
Well, I like this. I think it could have used more puns, and the last four lines broke the only structure I could find. But otherwise, it was pretty gut.
EDIT: Haha! I'd like to say this was an intentional pun, but it wasn't. I often lapse into small bits of Deutsch (for my own benefit, as I'm bad with languages), and only realized now that 'gut' fits pretty well in this piece.
Limericks:
The second to last one is the only one I don't really like, because it's blocky and confused.
All in all: Nice job, good day.
22-Nov-2010 16:38:58 - Last edited on 22-Nov-2010 20:53:30 by YuBiusk Ink
OHS, you dashing stud. Should never have let this fall to page 41
16-Apr-2013 07:40:19
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