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Anyone care to read the first interlude?

I need response!

10-Mar-2009 21:17:44

Check out the new ASCII work on page 3!! It's awesome.

11-Mar-2009 21:35:38

13-Mar-2009 22:11:39

oops i didnt read the pages after the first one sorry i thought u only made page 1

13-Mar-2009 22:12:07 - Last edited on 13-Mar-2009 22:12:32 by David Arcade

Way to pay attention.

Welcome to the thread, by the way.

I'm Cicobe1, but the story forum calls me Ciao.

Welcome.

13-Mar-2009 22:13:08

Wow. That was interesting. I've read up to page 6 and so far it looks vey promising. You write very descriptively which could slow down the pace of your story quite a bit though. (Have you ever read the Book Theif. In my opinion the writer had that problem, he ladled too much description onto the plot and it was very hard to get into ). I think it was a very good start and I hope the rest will be as intriguing as the start

13-Mar-2009 22:18:13 - Last edited on 13-Mar-2009 22:18:22 by [#OOKDBHUF8]

The start was garbage.

I made tons of mistakes and tense problems. Once you get a bit into Chapter 2, it gets much, much better. My latest addition was the first interlude that no one's read yet. If you can read through the whole thing, feel free to check out my recent work.

Plus, if you've read the whole thing, you're welcome to answer the endorsement questions (they're quite easy if you've read the whole story), and I'll endorse your stories.

13-Mar-2009 22:21:56 - Last edited on 13-Mar-2009 22:23:52 by Cicobe1

lol

13-Mar-2009 22:23:02

13-Mar-2009 22:24:21

13-Mar-2009 22:25:44