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~The Treasure of Raduon~

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Slay Orc 681

Slay Orc 681

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-Present time, Gielinor-

The vessel rocked back and forth as though it were a crying baby in the arms of its mother. The wood's aching and creaking was the the moaning of the upset child being soothed by the caring parent.

Meanwhile, the peaceful night sky was empty and desolate of clouds. Instead, there was a starry canopy seeming to shelter all beneath it.

Uvedin paced around his mahogany desk in the captain's quarters restlessly. After so long of searching, had he finally come close to the prize? Millions of questions raced through his head, many of them including in what to dispose after Joran.

Gently stroking the wood of the mahogany, he pondered for a while more before exiting and going on the top deck. The moonlight revealed a part of U(*)vedin that none witnessed. As it shined down upon his weary, slightly sadistic face, one seemed to notice the slightest hint of a deep sorrow. Uvedin gazed longingly at the stars, particularly at one constellation. The constellation, The Raduon Bowl, could be altered if one were to add another star, thus making it into what looked like a Kharidian-style lamp.

Joran was laying in the ship's dank cell, along with his long-dead roommates, who, after two days of being with them, nicknamed them Tod and Bill. The putrid scent of decaying flesh at first had made him almost throw up, but he was used to it after so long of having it intrude his nostrils. He contemplated every scenario he could think of regarding man eating savages along with his tormentor, Uvedin. Eventually, sleep took hold of him, wrapping him in its warm, caring embrace. During sleep, nothing could harm him.

Except possibly Uvedin.

12-Jan-2008 08:29:01 - Last edited on 20-Jun-2008 02:19:59 by Slay Orc 681

Slay Orc 681

Slay Orc 681

Posts: 5,039 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Joran’s sleep was interrupted by a small jab into his side with a metal rod. His vision was completely out of focus and he felt blinded by seeing light again. Looking upwards to see who had intruded on his sleep, he saw one of U(*)vedin’s masked pirates. As he stayed down, he was greeted with another quick jab, though this time much more painful.

“Ow! You know, you could hurt someone with that.” Joran said in a sarcastic tone.

At that moment, Joran heard a noise that was familiar to him: the sound of a seagull.

‘If there’s a seagull, then land must be near… land means escape from this hell.’ He glanced upwards again at the pirate with the rod, and realized an opportunity had presented itself. In an unbelievably quick motion, Joran reached upwards, grabbed the rod, and pulled himself up by pulling on it whilst bringing himself behind the pirate and putting the rod to his neck.

“Say hello to my uncle.” Joran said, as he brought the rod up into the pirate’s neck, snapping it. Joran smiled at his handiwork, then looked in the room. “It was nice to meet you, Tod, and you as well, Bill.”

Noticing that the lifeless figure at his feet had a fal*(*)hion and a dirk, he bent down to pick them up, but felt a dull pain in the back of his head as a frying pan met his skull. “Oh sh…” were his only words, before he fell down on top of the dead pirate, unconscious.

Joran continuously drifted in and out of consciousness for the next two hours. He remembered people dragging him and getting thrown into a small boat. At last he finally fully woke, and realized his hands and feet were bound by metal chains. He could hear the sound as waves met the beach and gulls squawked high in the sky. With great effort, Joran opened his slightly glazed-over eyes and saw that he had reached the island. In front of him for about two hundred yards was purely sand going in an upward slope towards the center of the island, but behind it were miles of endless, untamed jungle.

13-Jan-2008 01:02:56 - Last edited on 13-Jan-2008 02:19:40 by Slay Orc 681

Slay Orc 681

Slay Orc 681

Posts: 5,039 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
High above the jungle was a massive mountain that loomed over the entire landscape like a self-proclaimed regent. Behind him, several hundred yards away in the ocean, was the massive ship on which he came here. On its side was the name ‘Ebon Corsair.’ Only now did Joran notice how powerful it was. It was sleek, making it go faster, and had several massive sails on it which would make the wind carry it more. On both sides were three rows of large cannons, and on the front, though barely noticeable because it was right at the waterline, was a ram.

Surrounding him on the beachfront were what looked like a hundred and fifty, if not more, heavily armed pirates. Not far ahead of him was Uvedin, sharpening his jagged knife. Uvedin glanced at him and noticed he was awake, then stopped sharpening the knife and glared at him with a gaze that would terrify even the boldest of adventurers.

“You are very resourceful. That is going to be a major tharn in me side, and I should warn ye… I very much dislike tharns. Now, we have reached the island of Imorlen. Lead us to the map without any foolishness or treachery, and your death will be much less painful.” With that, Uvedin turned and walked upwards towards the jungle. “Move it, ye scurvy lad!”

Joran did not need to be told again. He immediately got up, and started towards Uvedin. It was going to be very tricky for him to improvise a way out of the situation if *vedin figured out that the map was not on this island, and he had only a vague idea where it was. He was counting on the natives to kill the crew of pirates, but when there is over fifteen score, it may be difficult for spear-tossing cannibals. Either way, it would have to work, or he would probably find himself eating his own toe.

13-Jan-2008 01:13:21 - Last edited on 13-Jan-2008 02:20:47 by Slay Orc 681

Joppi J

Joppi J

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Well, not much to add on to what I said before. It's developing, but there's nothing that really struck me as something to comment on. Probably because there's only like two or three more posts.

The writing seems a bit better, though.

I noticed a grammar mistake or two, but I can't remember where.

I think one was when you described Uvedin's face as like a "God's". I think it'd be "god's", since the * is only capitalized when talking about "God", not about a god. Eh*, or something.

>_>

13-Jan-2008 03:44:26

Joppi J

Joppi J

Posts: 9,081 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Hehe.

:3

It's good so far, but it hasn't developed enough for me to make a solid opinion, yet. I'm far more interested in a good, original plot than I am in good writing. This has promise, but it seems to be turning out similarly to other pirate stories, seems.

Either way, I'll be interested in seeing how this progresses.

13-Jan-2008 03:47:55

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