Oh, here are my original notes, by the way:
Prologue:
Description was nice, but Blackhand's description seemed worded weirdly, making it harder to picture. I could see the battle in general fairly well, but I couldn't really find a way to picture the navy. I filled them in with nice little white silhouettes while reading. Worked, but I would've like some actual view of the navy and their soldiers. Overall, Blackhand's description was okay once you looked past the wording, the battle was epic, but the soldiers and navy could use more description.
Chapter One:
The plot is becoming more and more apparant now, and I can safely say that this is quite original. However, Joran and Uvedin were lacking description. Joran was... okay. But, Uverdin definitely needs to be improved. So far, Joran's personality has not been revealed, but he has a little of his histroy told to us now. Uvedin seems like an excellent character, too.
Aside from this, emotion seems to be lacking. I didn't real feel terrified when Joran was captured, or when he awoke next to dead bodies. I don't really know if you were trying for an emotional feel there, but it would've been nice. Ah, but I can see the tension beginning to rise between Joran and Uvedin, that's good. The tribesman twist also adds some more suspense... will Joran make it? Heh... Time to keep going to find out.
Chapter Two:
The suspense is amazing now, I can almost feel like I'm there... waiting for something to come from the blackness. Spooky. Heh. Anyway, not much to complain about now, this chapter really set the mood well, and I'm liking it so far,
30-Dec-2007 23:20:43
