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Anapanascram
Dec Member 2018

Anapanascram

Posts: 3,099 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Left out quite the crucial bit too didn't you? That author's note thing makes much more sense now.

---You there! Dance a funny dance like you ain't got no pants!---
I go where my pencil takes me and break into a run when the eraser follows

16-Nov-2007 03:42:04

Scoucher

Scoucher

Posts: 3,837 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
It was interesting and pretty good. I expect you'll do well in the competition. :)

~Scoucher's One Thing~
"They were in a room, a large room, in the middle lay a giant machine that was controlled by the millions of Elves that operated it."

First of all, this is a run-on sentence. Should be, "They were in a room, a large room. In the middle lay..."

Secondly, you might want to write "...machine that was operated by millions of Elves," rather than, "...machine that was controlled by the millions of Elves that operated it." The latter is redundant.

-scouch

16-Nov-2007 03:42:42

One Hot Stud
Feb Member 2017

One Hot Stud

Posts: 2,507 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Noooooo Santa!!!!


*Sniff* You killed Santa


Nice story though. Very well thought out and professional.



The "ONE" and only

>>>>>>>~~~~~~~~~~~~<<<<<<<
^~"~<~"~*{One Hot Stud}*~"~>~"~^
>>>>>>>~~~~~~~~~~~~<<<<<<<

~^~{Destroyer of Worlds and Bringer of Death, Destruction, and Cookies}~^~

16-Nov-2007 04:53:53

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