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Well I read the prologue. I enjoy where you are taking the story, as it all seems a bit mysterious right now. I like that; it makes the reader want to continue. I found that your descriptions seems to encumber the plot slightly; however, they are very vivid.
All in all, I thought it was an excellent read. The one piece of advice I have to offer is this: Keep your descriptions vivid, but streamline them into the flow of the story. You don't necessarily have to say something like, "His cape was indigo with a silver trim." Sometimes it's just best to say, "He had a beautiful indigo and silver cape," and let the reader imagine it for himself/herself. You may have to shorten the descriptions slightly, but as long as you keep them as vivid as they are now, the reader shouldn't have much of a problem envisioning whatever it is you try to describe.

07-May-2012 18:24:24

07-May-2012 19:51:24

"I'm hoping you can shift your description from elegance to some brutality"
You know I will.
"Perhaps the screech also helped in him dropping his sword."
Yeah, that's about what happened. I didn't want to describe it too much, since I tried to do that part in Lomar's vision.

"In most other works of fantasy, dwarves are often very brave and very aggressive"
Yes, I decided to change that. I wanted to be somewhat original, and I had a really good idea for Lomar.

"Your characters are lacking daggers though"
Yeah, I knew I was missing something. I won't edit, but I'll work that into the story somehow. I might have a blacksmith forge some daggers for Zem and the others. I still have to introduce a few more characters though.
And yeah, now I know who Sapkowski is. I've heard of The Witcher.
@ Yam: Thanks for the criticism! I think I'll try to do that. I'll be getting some editing in.

07-May-2012 22:44:31 - Last edited on 07-May-2012 22:45:50 by Areno3

Always a pleasure to help other writers.

07-May-2012 22:53:53

07-May-2012 23:01:50

Thanks Coz. I gotta get back to writing this. I've already began the second part of chapter one.

08-Jun-2012 17:01:13

08-Jun-2012 19:51:35

Haven't read this in a while, but I thought I'd drop by and say "congrats." Hey, now that I don't have to hunt for it anymore, maybe I'll get to read it this summer.

09-Jun-2012 00:59:31

Thanks Costa!
Yam, it is quite the luxury, huh? Lol. I love it (mostly because I've never had this happen to one of my threads). I'm gonna get writing right now (if no one distracts me...), so there should be even more to read by the time you choose to.

09-Jun-2012 03:00:48 - Last edited on 09-Jun-2012 03:01:15 by Areno3