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Chosen Worf

Chosen Worf

Posts: 929 Gold Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"I were less than you or him"

Did you mean to use "were"? Because otherwise it seems incorrect to me.

Also, capitalize "Ecks".

I really couldn't find any issues with the piece other than these two nit-picky comments. You discuss a currently 'hot' topic in a succinct and well-worded manner. Very well done.

24-Feb-2013 02:52:19 - Last edited on 24-Feb-2013 02:52:42 by Chosen Worf

Aeraie

Aeraie

Posts: 9,100 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Found poem I wrote because the song was stuck in my head and I thought it'd be well paired with a suicide note.

The sad thing is
How could anyone ever tell you
even though people know I'm suicidal
You were anything less than beautiful?
No one gives a damn
How could anyone ever tell you
I tried to think of everyone
You were less than whole?
Who would be sad about my death
How could anyone fail to notice
That your loving is a miracle?
But no one came up
I don't know what's keeping me
How deeply you're connected to my soul?
From ending it all

24-Feb-2013 08:07:19

moonrabbet

moonrabbet

Posts: 35 Bronze Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
S.I.D.S.

I saw you standing there.
You had those green and yellow ribbons.
You had them in your hair.
I saw you standing there.
You were skipping rocks.
You were skipping them on the lake.
I saw you standing there.
You were smiling.
You were so happy.
I saw you standing there.
But when I open my eyes,
you were never here.

02-Apr-2013 01:56:51

Aeraie

Aeraie

Posts: 9,100 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I wrote a couple more found poems.

The Great Hearts
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald vs. Hardest of Hearts by Florence and the Machine

And as I sat there, brooding on the old unknown world
There is love in your body but you can't hold it in
It pours from your eyes and spills from your skin
I thought of Gatsby’s wonder
Tenderest touch leaves the darkest of marks
And the kindest of kisses break the hardest of hearts

There is love in your body but you can't get it out
when he first picked out the green light
It gets stuck in your head, won't come out of your mouth
at the end of Daisy’s dock
That the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste

Darling heart, I loved you from the start
He had come a long way to this blue lawn
But you'll never know what a fool I've been
his dream must have seemed so close
Darling heart, I loved you from the start
he could hardly fail to grasp it
But that's no excuse for the state I'm in

There is love in our bodies and it holds us together

He did not know
But pulls us apart when we're holding each other
that it was already behind him
We all want something to hold in the night
somewhere back in that vast obscurity
We don't care if it hurts or we're holding too tight

There is love in your body but you can't get it out
Gatsby believed in the green light
It gets stuck in your head, won't come out of your mouth
the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us
Sticks to your tongue and it shows on your face
It eluded us then, but that’s no matter
That the sweetest of words have the bitterest taste

Darling heart, I loved you from the start
tomorrow we will run faster
But you'll never know what a fool I've been
stretch out our arms farther
Darling heart, I loved you from the start
But that's no excuse for the state I'm in
And one fine morning—

12-Sep-2013 18:10:16

Aeraie

Aeraie

Posts: 9,100 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
My heart swells like a water at weight
So we beat on
Can't stop myself before it's too late
boats against the current
Hold on to your heart
'Cause I'm coming to take you
borne back ceaselessly into the past

Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on

12-Sep-2013 18:10:39

Aeraie

Aeraie

Posts: 9,100 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
The Deathly Chain -- The Deathly Hallows by J.K. Rowling vs. The Chain by Ingrid Michaelson

The sky looks pissed
struggling to her feet
The wind talks back
in the wreckage
My bones are shifting in my skin
three red-headed men
And you my love are gone
wall had blasted apart

My room feels wrong
Harry grabbed Hermione's hand
The bed won't fit
staggered and stumbled
I cannot seem to operate
'No - no - no!'
And you my love are gone
'No! Fred! No!'


So glide away on soapy heels
Percy was shaking his brother
And promise not to promise anymore
Ron was kneeling beside them
And if you come around again
Fred's eyes stared without seeing
Then I will take, then I will take the chain from off the door


I'll never say that I'll never love
ghost of his last laugh
But I don't say a lot of things
still etched upon his face
And you my love are gone

12-Sep-2013 18:12:15

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