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Elitemage14

Elitemage14

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Lol. Danget Venom, you just spoiled a major plot twist!

New adds will be coming soon. I always found the beginning of a story really hard to write, but now that I've made some progress with this story my writing is just starting to flow out more easily and quickly.

18-Mar-2010 03:08:24 - Last edited on 18-Mar-2010 03:10:05 by Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Posts: 12,429 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
I've got about 4 adds typed up so far. I intend for this next little snippet of story to be pretty long, maybe around 10 new adds overall if I'm lucky.

The new adds should be out by this weekend. You'll laugh. You'll cry. And as a minor bit of foreshadowing, you might even learn a thing or two about doing surgery on yourself.

19-Mar-2010 02:29:26 - Last edited on 19-Mar-2010 02:31:45 by Elitemage14

Dudeski

Dudeski

Posts: 4,891 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
"Damn..."

XD

I'm really enjoying this so far, Elite. I loved the prologue; the computerized journal thing was really unique, and it really set a creepy tone for the story. The fight scene was awesome, and having it so early in the story really roped me in. Having him subconsciously returning to the city was really spooky as well. I think I know where this is going ^_^ .


This is awesome. Can't wait to read more.

20-Mar-2010 19:40:31

Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Posts: 12,429 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Dudely! Long time no see! How have you been doing?

And I'm glad you like the story so far. I wasn't so sure about whether or not to include that little computer message, but it seems like it's doing the job of helping to set the mood.

20-Mar-2010 22:45:51

Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Posts: 12,429 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
John followed Sarah out of the restaurant, keeping an eye out to see if Leon was following them. It was already pitch black outside, and it was hard to see anything outside the orange glow of the street lamps.

"Sarah, can I ask you something?" John asked as the two walked together. "Have you noticed anything weird going on here the past few days?"

"What do you mean by weird?"

"I dunno, just anything out of the ordinary? Things just don't seem right in this town. There are no cars on the road, and aside from the handful of people I've seen, this place seems abandoned."

"I noticed that, too. Only one person showed up for work today, and school was actually cancelled since so many people were out. At first I thought there was just the flu going around or something, but I haven't heard anything like that."

"So you haven't really noticed anything strange, other than Leon following you?"

Sarah turned and looked at him. "How do you know that man's name? Do you know him?"

"No. I've never seen him before in my life," John replied. "At least, I don't think I know him. When I saw him outside the restaurant, the name 'Leon' just popped into my head."

"Whatever his name is, he creeps me out. He's been everywhere: at every store I shop at, hanging around my neighborhood, and I even saw him walking around the halls of my school the day before it was cancelled."

"What does he want? You haven't tried to talk to him or anything, have you?"

"No, I haven't. But if he wanted to kidnap me or something, he's already had plenty of opportunities. I don't know what he wants, but it's still creepy. Look. I can see him following us right now."

21-Mar-2010 00:39:51 - Last edited on 21-Mar-2010 00:42:19 by Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Posts: 12,429 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
John look around. About one-hundred yards behind them he could see something, but whoever Sarah was pointing at was definitely not the man he had seen outside the restaurant. Leon was huge; whoever was following them was absolutely *enormous*. From the fiery glow of the streetlamp John could see an arm with mottled, sunken yellow skin, and veined through with dark tendrils. Then, it was gone.

"That's not Leon. Sarah, I think you should call the police, now."

"I already tried right as we were leaving! The police, my parents... It says I have service, but the lines all seem dead."

There would be no point in trying to run away from whatever was following them. Judging by its size, it would only take it one step to cover the distance the two of them could make in three. John lifted up his shirt, slid his hand around the grip, and slowly drew his gun. When she saw what he was doing, Sarah began freaking out.

"What are you doing? Put that away! You're going to kill someone!"

"Shhh! Keep it down and keep walking. You carry around a taser or anything?"

"Um, my mom makes me carry around a thing of pepper spray in my purse," she replied, now looking very nervous. "What's wrong? What's following us?"

"I don't know. Get your spray out and keep it out in case you need it."

"Can you please at least put away the gun? It's making me really uncomfortable."

"Don't worry about it; I know what I'm doing." Looking around, John saw they were now just outside the park. "Please, just stay quiet for a minute. I want to get a better look at this guy."

As they passed out from under the next streetlamp and submerged back into darkness, John and Sarah drifted off the road and to behind a nearby bush.

21-Mar-2010 00:39:58 - Last edited on 21-Mar-2010 00:42:31 by Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Elitemage14

Posts: 12,429 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
From their vantage point they got their first good look at what was following them. The yellow skinned, tendrilled creature had at least a good two feet on John and was about as wide as a minivan. Other than its skin and massive size this super mutant resembled a human, except it was noticeable deformed. John could see its shoulder blades and vertebrae bulge from its back like spikes, and the bones of its left hand were all twisted and fused together, making it resemble a club.

John could feel Sarah's trembling fingers dig into his shoulder. He put his arm around her and slowly they backed away, both too afraid to even breathe.

The creature, realizing it had lost sight of them, let out a loud, mangled grunt. It twisted its head around, trying to regain visual on the two, and began sniffing the air for their scent. The two increased their pace, soon finding refuge behind a nearby oak tree, the same tree John had awaken under only a few hours ago. From there they watched as the super mutant wandered around, searching for signs of them. The creature knew they were still in the area, but its sense of smell wasn't good enough to tell exactly where they were.

'What do we do?' Sarah mouthed the words to John. Without speaking, he gestured for her to stay low to the ground. They couldn't outrun that thing, and John didn't think shooting it would do much more than make it mad. There was no option other than to pray it didn't find them.

For several minutes they waited, the silence broken only by the creature's cries of frustration as it flipped over picnic tables and stomped through bushes looking for them. There wasn't much cover around, and it would only be a matter of time before it found them.

21-Mar-2010 00:40:05 - Last edited on 21-Mar-2010 00:42:42 by Elitemage14

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