RuneScape Forum Archive | Your First Story

A White Wolf

Posts: 8,377 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

I'm fairly sure this is just an advice guide. :-)
I don't think you have to necessarily join anything.

10-Jun-2008 06:41:22

Bioniclenoob

Posts: 905 Gold Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

I've covered romace and tragedy. I stink at comedy. So I'll try horror.

The door slowly creaked as Brent pushed it open. He could hear his heart pounding in his chest. Carefully, he stepped inside. Next thing he knew, he was on the ground, screaming, and clutching his back. Three claws had driven themselves into his back, making him bleed horribly. Then, something, just something, breathed deeply. The strange beast was inhuman, unlike any creature. Brent gazed up at his attacker. A scream and a searing pain. His life flashed before his eyes.

10-Jun-2008 06:54:39 - Last edited on 10-Jun-2008 06:58:39 by Bioniclenoob

A White Wolf

Posts: 8,377 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

A good start. :-)
I would say the simplest thing that can help you out is some better spacing.
If you cram everything together it removes a lot of the suspense. Spacing out what happens can create a better flow.
"The door slowly creaked as Brent pushed it open. He could hear his heart pounding in his chest.
Carefully, he stepped inside.
Next thing he knew, he was on the ground, screaming, and clutching his back. Three claws had driven themselves into his back, making him bleed horribly.
Then, something, just something, breathed deeply. The strange beast was inhuman, unlike any creature. Brent gazed up at his attacker. A scream and a searing pain.
His life flashed before his eyes."
See how much more dramatic that sounds and feels, just from spacing? I *id*'t alter any of the words or phrasing.

10-Jun-2008 07:03:25