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NEWS FLASH: NEW CHAPTER ON PAGE 46
CHAPTERS 29-35 ARE ON PAGE 43
CHAPTERS 36-40 ARE ON PAGE 44
CHAPTER 41-43 ARE ON PAGE 45
CHAPTER 44 IS ON PAGE 46
ELITE NOOB: BIRTHDAY SPECIAL ON PAGE 46 (not added yet)
__Ratings__
80/100 Jacobbirocks
95.5/100 Wishfish41
95/100 Stone Heart8
110/125 Smurf Black
158.5/160 Capt Chekeka
93.3/100 Avenger Dd
149/165 Orb Master44
Fred Zeppeli
"Wow, this is hilarious!" Excerpt page 126.

^v^ This is not a SNS (Sterotypical Noob Story). I dare you to find one better written in script form. I double dare you. ^v^
Author of: Elite Noob, The Really Rich Noob, and a NEW action/adventure called The Darkest Blade.
׺°”˜`”°º×(Pêåç€ †h®Øügh løvè, ƒø®g¡vèñ뚧 ,hðpè, ªnÐ cåts)°”˜`”°º×
׺°”˜`”°º×(Þøwè® ¢ø®®ûÞ†§ ªÑÐ **šôlû†è Þøwè® ¢ø®®ûÞ†§ **šôlû†l¥)׺°”˜`”°º×
׺°”˜`”°º×(†hè øñ|¥ †|-|îñg †|-|㆒š ï(V)¶ôšîß|ë, ïš †|-|è š†ã†è(V)èñ† †|-|ㆠšô(V)ê†|-|îñg î§ ï(V)¶ôšîß|ë
׺°”˜`”°º×(Ïñšãñ ƒø® †|-|è wïñ)°”˜`”°º×
׺°”˜`”°º×(¶®ë¶å®è †ø ß®ãw| Ðê¢ëmbë® †hî®d)°”˜`”°º×
׺°”˜`”°º×(§†®øñg ¶èôÞlè š†ånd ûp ƒô® †hëmšëlvëš. §†®øñgë® ¶èô¶lè š†ånd ûp ƒô® ø†h讚
Lïƒe’s ¶û®Þøšè ïš †ô dø whå† ¥ôu ¢ån’† whën ¥ôu ¢ån & †ô dø whå† ¥ôu ¢ån whën ¥ôu ¢ånnô†.
Quick find code: 49-50-118-32846597
ALL JAGEX RULES APPLY
NO SPAMMING
NO BATHROOM HUMOR/USAGES
NO FLAMING
IF YOU DONT LIKE THE STORY, DONT READ IT
NO THREAD ADVERTISING
NO EATING FLAMETHROWERS

>>>>>DO NOT "BUMP" MY THREAD JUST TO GET A LANDMARK POST! I'M SICK OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<<<<<<

Quick find code: 49-50-118-32846597
Forum: stories
Thread name: elite noob
Page number in thread:
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And remember, I never make any misteaks, so you probably need your eyes checked

21-Oct-2006 01:32:39 - Last edited on 23-Feb-2008 18:11:00 by [#C3FW206YM]

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Chapter 1
Elite Noob: Wow! Boy that contract sure was boring!
Guide: Hey! You can't say those non-programmed words here!
Elite Noob: That's why I use sign language!
Guide: This is Runescape-
Elite Noob: Well duh! Don’t you think I would know that if I signed a contract to play?
Guide: Wow most noobs don’t know that much.
Elite Noob: That's because I’m Elite Noob you simple minded fool! I will take over this computer game and abolish the evil tyranny of the pickles!
Guide: (I stand corrected) Proceed through that door and continue your way through runescape.
Elite Noob: Aw man! I hate doors! I’ll climb out of the chimney instead.
Guide: ...I don’t have a chimney.
Elite Noob: Well I’ll build you one!
*After days of sawing, sleeping and bug catching, Elite Noob finally gave up on building a chimney*
Elite Noob: Wow those are hard to make. I know! I'll make a sock puppet!
Guide: We don’t wear socks in runescape.
Elite Noob: Eww! You must have stinky feet! I’m outta here!
*While galloping as fast as a hippo, Elite Noob does a dramatic pose as he sails out the window. Unfortunately, he forgot to open it first*
Elite Noob: Cool! I have holes in my head!
*Elite Noob finds a Christmas cracker amongst the shattered glass*
Elite Noob: Hey! Who left this stupid hunk of salami on the ground? I must be a good little boy and return it to its owner.
END CHAPTER 1

21-Oct-2006 01:32:44 - Last edited on 01-Jun-2008 20:16:07 by [#C3FW206YM]

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Chapter two
Elite Noob: Excuse me ma'am, but I found this slice of salami on the ground, is it yours?
Bryana: No I haven't lost a piece of sala- Oh my gosh! That's not salami!
Elite Noob: I know it's either a hunk of salami, or a shark's muffin. Oh well looks tasty.
Bryana: No wait! Instead of eating it, why not trade it for a piece of gold. It's all of my past year's salary
Elite Noob: Oh my gosh, it's a snicker doodle cookie with George Petersons initials!
Bryana: Who's George Peterson?
Elite Noob: She's like the coolest purple dinosaur to ever become president of Cuba!
Bryana: Well, is it a deal?
Elite Noob: No, its a dell! Hahaha I always wanted to say that!
*Elite Noob trades his "Salami" for 1gp*
Bryana: Anyway, back to business. Chop down that tree with this axe, then burn the logs.
Elite Noob: Why should I burn the trees? Are you anti-green or something? I'm getting out of here!
*Elite Noob runs off to the chef*
END CHAPTER 2
Note: Bryana isn't lying, one gold is her past year's salary. Don't ask about the year before that

21-Oct-2006 01:32:44 - Last edited on 25-May-2008 17:06:50 by [#C3FW206YM]

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Chapter 3
Elite Noob: Oh my goodness! A cook! Ive waited 16 days for a cuppa coffee!
*Elite Noob takes out a 20 gallon mug*
Elite Noob: Bean me!
Chef: We cannot make coffee yet, but I'll teach you to make bread.
Elite Noob: Bread is lame, and yes you can make coffee, anyone can!
*Elite Noob scoops some dirt into boiling water*
Chef: That's not coffee. Thats boiling mud of doom.
Elite Noob: Sounds like a comic book! Anyway, bottoms up!
*Elite Noob guzzles the foul drink*
Elite Noob: Golly! That's better than the real deal!
*The chef ignores Elite Noob*
Chef: To make bread mix some flour with water.
Elite Noob: No! Im not making bread like some p00wn4g3 w3ird0! Im making spicy chicken burritos!
Jagex Mod: Get him out of here before he starts to make hamburgers!
Elite Noob: Great idea! I'll make hamburgers!
END CHAPTER 3

21-Oct-2006 01:32:45 - Last edited on 04-Jan-2008 00:08:38 by [#C3FW206YM]

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Chapter 4
Elite Noob: Aw man! I wish I drank some more coffee.
Smither: Hello! Do you know how to mine all kinds of interesting ores, and then turn them into useful items? Of course not! Because you are still on Tutorial Island!
Elite Noob: This is an island? I thought this was a spy movie with Teletubbies.
Smither: Just take this bronze pick and mine some copper!
Elite Noob: I thought games were supposed to not invlove work.
Smither: Do you want to make weapons or not?
Elite Noob: One dagger, that's all.
*Elite Noob unfortunately misses the rock and smashes his hand with the pickaxe, which is very cliched these days*
Elite Noob: Yeeeoouch! That smarts! Hey look paramedics. Wonder why they're-
*Elite Noob faints*
Smither: Wimp.

END CHAPTER 4

21-Oct-2006 01:32:45 - Last edited on 01-Jun-2008 20:21:12 by [#C3FW206YM]

[#C3FW206YM]

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Chapter 6
Elite Noob: Humph! I bet those people will never earn a precious snicker doodle cookie like me.
*Munch Munch*
Monk: Hello young one. I am a monk.
Elite Noob: Well duh! Even my cookie could've figured that out! It's your name!
Monk: Anyway, let me teach you the way of prayer-
Elite Noob: I know everything about churches! I go to one every Sunday even though I'm not Christian! I think they've started to realize who's been taking their charity money.
Monk: Here bury some bones and scram you noob!
Saradomin: How dare you insult a bloody loser like that! I thought you were devout! Now drop down and give me twenty!
Elite Noob: Wow Mr. Shiny Clothes, you certainly command authority here!
Saradomin: You blooming idiot! The only way you'd be useful to me is if you joined Zammorak! Hey, that's not a bad idea!
Elite Noob: Well, I'm bored. I hope I get off this island next chapter. *Hint hint*

END CHAPTER 6

21-Oct-2006 01:32:46 - Last edited on 01-Jun-2008 20:22:44 by [#C3FW206YM]

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Chapter 7
Elite Noob: An old man in blue robes? What'll these programers think of next?
Wizard: How about magic?
Elite Noob: Yes! Just what I've been waiting for!
Wizard: Hold on there a minute, you can't do magic yet. I mean just look at you! You haven't even studied Calculus yet! You can't undertake such a mighty journey through simulated terror. You must come back after you have spent ten years in a cave, live off dirt and dust, and learn to become one with essence. Or you could just use Runes like a cheating little twerp who worships George Peterson...
Elite Noob: You mean she's real? :O I thought it was the result of reading a contract.
Wizard: So are you going to live in a cave or not?
Elite Noob: What about magic wands, lightning shaped scars, and flying broomsticks?
Wizard: That's Harry Potter not Runescape.
Elite Noob: And now they have the old loony talk about Harry Potter. Those developers need to stop making these stupid characters.
Wizard: How rude! You can live in a cave for all I care! There's a cave in Lumbridge so I'll send you there.
Elite Noob: Finally!
END CHAPTER 7

21-Oct-2006 01:32:46 - Last edited on 01-Jun-2008 20:29:21 by [#C3FW206YM]

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Chapter 8
Elite Noob: Im finally out of that boot camp!
???: Hi noob.
Elite Noob: Hi. Um... why is your name question marks?
???: 'Cause you dont know my real name yet
Elite Noob: Well what is it?
???: *sob* I'm sorry. You'e just the first person to ask me that *sniff*. I've forgotten what it was.
Elite Noob: That's sad :( . How about John?
???: Nah how about 0wn3r 70 7h3 m4x?
Elite Noob: Too unoriginal. John it is.
John: Ok.
Elite Noob: Well John, you want to live in a stinky cave, become one with magic, and live off dust and grime? Or, kill a cow?
John: *gasp* You can't do that! Hinduists will write horrible letters to the author!
Elite Noob: Cow field here I come.
CAN ELITE NOOB DEFEAT THE COW? FIND OUT NEXT CHAPTER!
END CHAPTER 8

21-Oct-2006 01:32:46 - Last edited on 01-Jun-2008 20:31:23 by [#C3FW206YM]

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Chapter 9
Elite Noob: Well, I have my trusty staff, my raw rat meat, and my wooden shield. I'm ready to kill a cow!
John: No Elite, don't do it! You'll die a thousand deaths!
Elite Noob: Shut your trap, I want my roast beef!
*Elite Noob "bravely" spots a cow*
Elite Noob: Aha! I shall slay you foul creature and quench my thirst for beef!
*Sadly, Elite Noob's stats were quite low and he got owned*
Elite Noob: Argh! No! My trusty staff! Curse you Mr. Beef Supplier! Face the wrath of my acceptance speech into congress!
*After reading aloud one of the stupidest and longest speeches ever written, killing exactly 23 innocent bystanders, the cow finally dies of a heart attack*
Elite Noob: Whew! Time for some beef!
*Ironically, Elite Noob burns the meat*
Elite Noob: No! *crunch* Hey not bad!
END CHAPTER 9

21-Oct-2006 01:32:47 - Last edited on 04-Jan-2008 00:19:24 by [#C3FW206YM]

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Chapter 10
Elite Noob: I want more roast beef.
Sneaky Salesman: Hey buddy, wanna buy a rare pile of ashes?
Elite Noob: How can a pile of ashes be rare?
Sneaky Salesman: Um...err...it is party hat ashes
Elite Noob: Like I care
Sneaky Salesman: And if you eat it, a roast beef sandwich will appear in you arms.
Elite Noob: How much? I only have 500 million George Petersons snicker doodle cookies...
Sneaky Salesman: That'll do.
Elite Noob: Alright... wait! Here comes John!
John: Whew! There you are Elite! Would you like to go into the "wilderness" with me?
Elite Noob: Wow sounds like fun. I'll bring my cookies.
Sneaky Salesman: (Hey I know! I'll kill these losers in the wild) I'll come too.
Elite Noob: Yay! We'll be p00wn4g3 t0 7h3 m4x!
Sneaky Salesman: Whatever... Oh, bring your best items.
*Elite Noob, John, and Sneaky Salesman go into the wilderness*
Level 126: Hahaha noobs! I'd crush you if there was a level 123 wilderness!
Elite Noob: Howdy friend! Do you wanna enrich your senses with rock cakes too?
Level 126: No! Not the rock cakes mama!
*Elite Noob force-feeds the Level 126 some rock cakes, killing him*
Elite Noob: Wow he dropped 12 multicolored crowns, a red suit of armor, and shark soup. Blech! I hate soup!
*Elite Noob throws the shark soup at Sneaky Salesman, melting the evil witch*
Sneaky Salesman: No! What have you done! I'm melting! I'll get you my pretty, and your stupid friend too!
John: Hey! Thanks for the compliment!
Elite Noob: C'mon John, let's go train our skillz elsewhere.
END CHAPTER 10

21-Oct-2006 01:32:47 - Last edited on 04-Jan-2008 00:22:14 by [#C3FW206YM]

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