RuneScape Forum Archive | _.>~*~>Elite Noob<~*~<.

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*Chapter 18 continued*
John: Why thank you mysterious lady who gives out free food!
*John picks a chocolate bar*
Sandwich Lady: How dare you! That was not what you had the choice to take!
*While the Sandwich Lady was blabbering on, John ate the chocolate bar*
Sandwich Lady: Taste the wrath of my baguette!
*As the Sandwich Lady attempts to hit John with the piece of bread, Elite Noob eats the baguette*
Sandwich Lady: No! My breadstick!
*The Sandwich Lady runs off to find a place to cry*
Elite Noob: Yummy bread.
John: Was that a Hershey's chocolate bar?
*Mysterious Old Man arrives*
Mysterious Old Man: Did you hurt my darling daughter's feelings?
John: Yup

Mysterious Old Man: Prepare to face the wrath of my more successful brother, Wise Old Man!
Wise Old Man: *cough* *cough* Ugh I'm too old for this!
*Wise Old Man dies due to heart failure*
Mysterious Old Man: I'm leaving! You are too stupid to defeat!
John: You got that right mommy.
Mysterious Old Man: I am not you mother! I'd be ashamed if I was!

End chapter 18

21-Oct-2006 01:38:53 - Last edited on 04-Jan-2008 00:56:20 by [#C3FW206YM]

[#C3FW206YM]

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Chapter 19

Elite Noob: Well John, what havent we done yet?
John: We havent tried skiing yet
Elite Noob: Too cold.
John: Balloon racing?
Elite Noob: Too manly.
John: Writing a different acceptance speech into congress?
Elite Noob: No! I don't know why I hang out with you anyway!
John: Is it because I'm the Chairman for RuneScape's most wanted?
Elite Noob: Really? With this information, I'll be sure to win the election for Blandsacpes most wanted! They'll probably even base a cartoon reality house selling show in my honor!
Author: (More likely horror)
Elite Noob: I thought I kicked you out earlier! Be gone evil gunk that crawls beneath my toes!
*Elite Noob kills the author by singing his speech in German*
Elite Noob: Well, time to save the world! Again!
John: ...How will we be able to exist without a plot twist?
Michael Jordan: By playing basketball with your host, me!
Elite Noob and John: Nooooo! Anything but playing organized sports with a celebrity!
Can Elite Noob and John survive their horrible fate of justice? Find out in chapter 20!
END CHAPTER 19

21-Oct-2006 01:38:54 - Last edited on 04-Jan-2008 00:58:38 by [#C3FW206YM]

[#C3FW206YM]

Posts: 14,572 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Chapter 20
Elite Noob: We must find a way to escape this madman!
Michael: Well of course I'm mad! You won't play with me!
John: Hey look! it's Gutix!
Guthix: That's Guthix to you!
Michael: Uh oh! I'd better split!
Guthix: I'd fry his brains right now if I wasn't doing something more important!
John: Like making me a chocolate milkshake?
Guthix: No! A strawberry milkshake! Hee hee just kidding. I'm here because my anti-balance detector said something tipped the scale.
Elite Noob: It must have been my secret hobby of making kittens out of pocket lint...
Guthix: No! It's because you're both too stupid!
John and Elite Noob: Thanks!
Guthix: Silence mortals! That was not a compliment!
Elite Noob: What does ketchup have to do with it?
Guthix: Grrr! I said compliment not con(c)diment! Anyway, you two are too stupid, and ugly. So, in the balanced nature I am, I have decided to give you good hair styles!
Elite Noob: Why would I need a hair style when I have smart-like-braincicles?
Guthix: Here just take it! It's an Elvis hair doo.
*Elite Noob and John get Elvis like hair styles*
Guthix: Well, time for me to torture the prisiners-... I mean plant more flowers taa taa!
John: You know Elite, I think we look worse than ever.
Elite Noob: Nonsense! Why would Gutix, the almighty carrot stick, give us bad haircuts?
Guthix: Because it would take years of college to improve our learning skills?
Elite Noob: Well, that and the fact that Gutix can destroy the entire cosmos with a flick of his finger.

21-Oct-2006 01:39:01 - Last edited on 04-Jan-2008 01:01:18 by [#C3FW206YM]

[#C3FW206YM]

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*Back at Guthix's hot springs...*
Zammorak: It worked! Now those Saradomin filth-I mean stupid idiotic morons are now distracted by their goofy hair styles to notice our power of universal domination!
Saradomin: Well, even though I hate to admit it, your plan worked perfectly Guthix.
Guthix: Now us three will be universal rulers of all the universes in the history of everything!
Zammorak: Um... why did we have to distract the noobs in the first place?
Guthix: It's all part of my master scheme. First we shall convince the noobs that they are ugly, which in truth, they are, but by making them think they look good, they will force all the other mortals into thinking they aren't looking good either! So we will finally have our freedom from these troublesome mortals, and will be able to exit this universe and easily take over all the others! It's brilliant I tell you, brilliant!
END CHAPTER 20

21-Oct-2006 01:39:02 - Last edited on 04-Jan-2008 01:02:48 by [#C3FW206YM]

[#C3FW206YM]

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Chapter 21
Elite Noob: Hey do you know what'd be tasty right now?
John: Popsicles?
Elite Noob: No! Pizza!
John: With pepperoni?
Elite Noob: And hot sauce!
John: And dirt!
Elite Noob: And wood!
John: And rocks!
Elite Noob: And the deed to Varrock!
King of Varrock: Give that back you thieves! Hey, nice hair!
Elite Noob: Thank you. Hey, let's give you a make over!
King of Varrock: Why thank you. In return you can keep the deed.
Elite Noob: First let's see your hair.
King of Varrock: Um.... I don't have any
John: That weasel is doing a good job then! We'll dye it polka dot!
King of Varrock: Uh...
Elite Noob: Polka dot it is!
*Elite Noob and John get a bunch of flour, finger nail clippings, and cat dander*
Elite Noob: This will be tough, but us highly trained, and hopefully paid professionals can handle it!
King of Varrock: I'm not so sure about this...
John: Well that's okay. I'm sure enough for the both of us!
*After a long day of whistling and surgery, the king returns to his throne*
King of Varrock: Well what do you know! Those imbeciles did a good job! I know, I'll advertise their talents to the world!
*The King of Varrock told all the royalty in runescape about the noobs' "talent"*
King of Varrock: Just look how they improved me!
King of Falador: You look worse than ever! That's not hair! That's cat fur!
King of Varrock: What?! That's preposterous! Why I would know that if it were- Hey! You're right! Let's get those fakers!
*The kings gather up a huge army to destroy Elite Noob and John*
Elite Noob: Hey look John! They're rewarding us with a country of strong people with weapons!
John: Wow! They have torches and pitchforks too!
King of Varrock: You have humiliated me in front of the whole world! Now I shall destroy you!
John: You can't do that!

21-Oct-2006 01:39:02 - Last edited on 04-Jan-2008 01:04:51 by [#C3FW206YM]

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King of Varrock: Why not?
John: We aren't in the wilderness!
King of Varrock: Mage, teleport all of us into the deepest regions of the wilderness!
Mage: Okay sir no problem.
*They are all teleported to the mage arena*
Guthix Mage: Hey! Most of you dont have 60 magic! It's time for our secret weapon, Rocky the Mage! Get rid of these intruders!
Rocky: ...
Guthix Mage: Yes, kill those stupid noobs too. They look too darn good.
*Rocky Uses Ice Barrage and kills the whole army. They all arrive at Lumbridge when...*
Guthix: Drat! You mortals have discovered my laboratory to create an interdimensional portal to another weak universe for me to control!
Saradomin: Nice going you *******, ******,******, losers!
Zammorak: Whoa....Saradomin has never said those words before... she must be furious...
Saradomin: How dare you portray me as a female mortal! Feel the wrath of my lipstick!
Zammorak: ...
Guthix: Come along brothers of immense stupidity. We must return to my spa joint to rethink our plans.
Iban: Aha! I finally found that blender!
Elite Noob: ...What about the toaster?
Iban: Oh no you don't! I'm not falling for that again!
John: What about a freezer?
Iban: Curse you mortals and your persuasive arguments!
King of Varrock: ...this is a waste of time. These noobs do not deserve to be maimed by our superiority. They deserve to be locked up, with Spike! The imbecilic female troll who eats liquorish!
Elite Noob: Yay! She sounds pretty.
*Will Elite noob and John survive "Spike"? Find out in chapter 22!*

END CHAPTER 21

21-Oct-2006 01:43:09 - Last edited on 04-Jan-2008 01:06:55 by [#C3FW206YM]

[#C3FW206YM]

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Chapter 22
*Elite Noob and John arrive at Spike's lair*
Elite Noob: John, do I look extra special tonight?
John: Yes you do. Hey look! Here comes a pretty lady!
Spike: Urgh! Oog! Augh!
Elite Noob: Why yes of course you can terrorize the village and rob them of their gold.
*Spike waddles off to maul Varrock*
Elite Noob: *Yawn* I feel tired all of a sudden.
*John rushes to hide the bottle of sleeping gas*
John: Really? Maybe you should go rest at your house.
Elite Noob: Great idea! To Falador!
*John and Elite Noob skip to Falador*
Elite Noob: Show me to my castle!
John: I don't know anything about houses, which means I'm smarter than the average real estate agent.
Elite Noob: Let's ask this house salesmen
Estate Manager: Hello. What can I scam -I mean- sell you?
Elite Noob: I'd like to buy a piece of property. Will 30 gallons of chicken noodle soup be enough?
Estate Manager: Ahhhh! I'm a vegetarian! Here! Take this worthless house in Rimmington! Just leave me alone!
John: Let's go!
*Elite Noob and John get kicked to Rimmington*
Estate Manager: I said get out!
John: Here's your house Elite! it's called "Portal"
Elite Noob: Yay! Let's hurry.
*They enter Elite Noob's house*
Crowd of people and John: Surprise!
Elite Noob: Wow! My talking house looks great!
Jagex Mod: It's your birthday, Elite Noob! We baked your favorite cake!
Elite Noob: Yay!
John: Blow out the candles, and make a wish!
Elite Noob: I wish I had a pet cat! I've been very lonely ever since Rocky left for the mage arena...
Gertrude: Well I've got good news and bad news.
Elite Noob: My aunt Bertha died and left me a pony?!?
Gertrude: ...No, but I have a spare kitten for you!
Elite Noob: Hurray! Now all I need is a refrigerator for the milk he'll need.

21-Oct-2006 01:43:10 - Last edited on 25-May-2008 17:11:37 by [#C3FW206YM]

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Iban: I dont have a fridge, but I have a freezer!
Muhahahahahha! I have come to torment your souls for making me go and beg to my cousin Kamil! (One of the enemies in Desert Treasure)
Jagex Mod: Halt! You shall not ruin this party, that's Elite Noob's job! I shall send you to find the most ridiculous thing that I can imagine!
Iban: Let me guess... a rubber ducky?
Jagex Mod: No! A rubber duck in a grim reaper costume!
Iban: Curses! I will return!
*Iban runs away*
Elite Noob: I know exactly which fun game to play: Pest Control!
Jagex Mod: Ok! I'll allow you two noobs to play a few rounds, but hurry up so I can give you a special surprise!
*Elite Noob and John go to the Void Knight Outpost*
Squire: No! More noobs! We must fix this glitch of being only ten or less combat!
John: C'mon Elite, the game's starting!
*They arrive at the Pest Control Island*
Elite Noob: I'm going to bring educational knowledge to these savage creatures!
*Elite Noob nears the Portal*
Elite Noob: Hey! What's my house doing here?
Kitten: Meow!
Elite Noob: Ok kitty! Let's go!
Can Elite Noob and his kitten survive the dimension of ultimate horror? Find out in chapter 23!

END CHAPTER 22

21-Oct-2006 01:43:10 - Last edited on 04-Jan-2008 01:18:50 by [#C3FW206YM]

[#C3FW206YM]

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Chapter 23
*Elite Noob and Kitten jump through the portal*
Elite Noob: Wow! Look at all the defilers, brawlers, and torchers!
Leader of the Monsters: Hurry up my minions! Defeat the evil Humans and claim my new territory!
Elite Noob: My name is Elite Noob. I come from RuneScape and I want to make peace with you hideous demons.
Leader of the Monsters: You talk funny. Very well, puny "RuneScape" human! You may join me in my quest to establish a new hotel!
Elite Noob: ... That's why those mean monsters are in the Void Knight Outpost?
Leader of the Monsters: Of course! I ran out of retail space in this universe months ago! So I have to invade a governing dimension to fit my needs as King Of The Hotel Managers!
Kitten: Mioww!
Elite Noob: Oh my gosh! Mr. Kitty is hungry! Don't worry! I'll feed you something!
Leader of the Monsters: I'll give you an endless supply of Kitty Cat Yummies.
Elite Noob: How shall art thy earneth thee sucheth a nobleth foodeth foreth Kittyeth?
Leader of the Monsters: Stop talking in old ye english! You must defeat "The Doom"
Elite Noob: What is "The broom"?
Leader of the Monsters: I said "the doom"
Elite Noob: "The boom"?
Leader of the monsters: ARRGH! FACE THE WRATH OF MY CAPS TALKING FURY!
Kitten: Yeeouch! It burns!
Elite Noob: Kitty! You can talk?!
Kitten: Of course I can, you bozo-brain! With my super kitty technology, I shall enslave the universe with my evil partner, Evil Bob! Muhahaha!
Elite Noob: Kitty, if you try to enslave the earth in a hostile taking-over-the-earth takeover, then I shall be forced to use my Earth bending skills!
Leader of the Monsters: HOW CAN YOU USE THIRD-RATE TV BENDING SKILLS?
Elite Noob: I watch the show 24/7! I shall stop this takeover!
CAN ELITE NOOB USE HIS "EARTH-BENDING" SKILLS TO STOP KITTEN AND EVIL BOB? FIND OUT IN CHAPTER 24!
END CHAPTER 23

21-Oct-2006 01:43:10 - Last edited on 04-Jan-2008 01:22:25 by [#C3FW206YM]

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Chapter 24
Elite Noob: Kitty, I shall stop your plan!
Guthix: Drat! It seems the pitiful weakling has found my new spa joint!
Saradomin: Hey! I remember that ******, ******, ******* pile of ********!
Zamorak: Now, now Sarah, remember your blood pressure.
Saradomin: Im a ******* ***** god for heaven's sake! I don't have blood, and stop referring to me as an inferior female human!
Guthix: Zamorak, you leave me no choice; remember that tooth you lost last Thursday?
Zamorak: Yeah. That was my torturing tooth.
Guthix: I took it. Not the tooth fairy. There is no tooth---
~~~ WARNING! WARNING! SPOILER ALERT! ALL FOUR-YEAR OLDS SHOULD LEAVE THE BUILDING! ~~~
Guthix: ---fairy.
Zamorak: No! I wanted to marry her!
Kitten: Oh dear, the gods will stop me if they hear my plot!
Elite Noob: What plot?
Guthix: Hey! A kitty! I love kitties! Im gonna call you Georgina!
Kitten: I am a boy!
Saradomin: Come here Georgina! I will give you some nice minus-fifty thousand degrees Celsius water!
Kitten: Aah! Youre all freaks!
Zamorak: Hey! Only I can call people freaks, you freak!
Saradomin: Come on! Lets go get that skin burning water! And some churros.
Guthix and Zamorak: Churros! Yay!
*The gods and Kitten head for deep outer space for some churros*
Elite Noob: Well, that was a waste of wood! Im heading back to RuneScape to find out what the Jagex Mods surprise is!
Leader of the Monsters: Yawn Did I miss something?
END CHAPTER 24

21-Oct-2006 01:43:11 - Last edited on 04-Jan-2008 01:25:39 by [#C3FW206YM]

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