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Chapter 11
Elite Noob: Man that player kill trip was a waste! I mean paper crowns! How many horrible items can you get? We need to improve our skills.
John: Hey look! Its a player mod!
Elite Noob: That's obvious, everyone is a player!
Player Mod: Hello simpletons!
John: I didn't know they made level three's (censored)ing Player Mods.
Player Mod: Why you little! Prepare to be muted for two days!
John: ...
Elite Noob: What'd you say John?
John: ...
Elite Noob: I can't hear you! Speak up for Pete's sake!
Player Mod: You idiot... He's muted. He cant talk.
Elite Noob: You called me an idiot! I'm telling!
Player Mod: No please don't! I won't be able to go out with hot babes and Jagex mod girlfriends!
Elite Noob: I didn't understand a word you just said, so Im reporting you.
*Player Mod disappears into an endless void*
Elite Noob: How about some ice cream pal?
John: ...
Elite Noob: Fine! More for me.

END CHAPTER 11

21-Oct-2006 01:32:48 - Last edited on 04-Jan-2008 00:24:36 by [#C3FW206YM]

[#C3FW206YM]

[#C3FW206YM]

Posts: 14,572 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Chapter 12

Elite Noob: Hey look a poster!
*Elite Noob reads the poster*
The poster says: Hello! Are you tired of being pumped full of blood? Do you wish you'd lose some internal organs? Fear not! For we at the stronghold of security have dedicated our lives just for those reasons. Stop by today!--Ankou
Elite Noob: Isn’t an Ankou a level 75 evil skeleton ghost like thingy?
John: ...
Elite Noob: Argh! Its like you're drunk or something! Let's go to the stronghold of security!
*Elite Noob and John make their way to the stronghold of security*
Elite Noob: Whew it sure is dark here! Let's explore these doors.
Door: Hello. Are you here to learn about security? If so, proceed.
Elite Noob: Just a minute there pal! The last time I opened a door, I got holes in my head!
Door: (Shoot! He figured that trick out!) I assure you I will not cause your sponge-like head to become full of holes.
John : ...(translation: Don’t do it Elite!)
Elite Noob: Well now the author puts in a translation!
Lance Tiger: Sorry. I was just adding to the suspense.
Elite Noob: Well put your suspense somewhere else!
*Elite Noob kicks the author out into the streets*
Elite Noob: That's better. Well Mr. Drawer, I am NOT going to go through you!
Door: ... I’m not a drawer....
Elite Noob: Liar! I’m telling the cops!
Ankou: What's going on up here! You’re disturbing the rest of us! Cut it out!
Elite Noob: C'mon John. We’re outta here!
END CHAPTER 12

21-Oct-2006 01:32:50 - Last edited on 10-Oct-2007 03:42:01 by [#C3FW206YM]

[#C3FW206YM]

[#C3FW206YM]

Posts: 14,572 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Chapter 13
Elite Noob: Oh no! This is chapter 13 that means something unlucky is gonna happen!
John: Whatcha talking 'bout noob?
Elite Noob: Augh! It's starting! You got your voice back! John Im so scared.
*Elite Noob hears the wind blowing through the trees, and John is gone*
Elite Noob: Ahhhh! John where are you?
Spooky voice: John is no longer among us!
Elite Noob: Aaah! It's a vacuum cleaner!
Spooky voice: I am not a vacuum cleaner!
Elite Noob: Augh! It's a vacuum cleaner in denial!
Spooky voice: Ok fine, you are too thick headed. It's me John!
Elite Noob: Jonh! Why'd you scare me?
John: I wanted you to realize that there's nothing to be a afraid of... except my vampire instincts!
Elite Noob: Ahh!
John: Hee hee! Got you again!
Elite Noob: John, that's not funny
Zammorak: But this is!
*Zammorak fries them and they appear back in Lumbridge*
Elite Noob: That guy reminded me of my toothbrush.
John: He reminds me of soy sauce
Zammorak: Shut up! I shall condemn you both into the worst torture device known to me!!!
*Elite Noob and John suddenly appear in a Barney show. You know; at the end; when they sing the song of Ultimate Evil!*
Barney: I love you. You love me. We're a happ-y fami-ly! With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you-
Elite Noob and John: Make it stop!
*They arrive in Lumbridge, yet again*
Elite Noob: You know, I think this place is cursed, because we keep appearing here.

END CHAPTER 13

21-Oct-2006 01:38:50 - Last edited on 04-Jan-2008 00:26:04 by [#C3FW206YM]

[#C3FW206YM]

[#C3FW206YM]

Posts: 14,572 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Chapter 14

Elite Noob: What's next on the agenda John?
John: We have tea and crumpets with the queen at 7:30 and painting with a guy named "Leonardo" at 9:30.
Elite Noob: Cancel both, they sound boring. We need some action in our lives!
John: How about fighting the Kbd?
Elite Noob: The kid bob davis?
John: No. The King Black Dragon.
Elite Noob: Sounds too easy.
John: Tztok-jad?
Elite Noob: Too foreign.
John: Chickens?
Elite Noob: Too feathery.
John: What else is there?
Elite Noob: ...
Random noob: You could always make a clan.
Elite Noob: Hey! Get out of here! I'm the noob in this story!
*Elite Noob punches random noob*
John: You know, clans do sound like fun.
Elite Noob: Hey I have an idea! How about starting a clan?
John: But that was my idea...
Elite Noob: Why does everything have to be about you? First we need to think of a name.
John: How about pwn all weirdoes?
Elite Noob: Sounds good, but there are too many weirdoes in the world.
John: What about Periwinkle kitten tears?
Elite Noob: I like it! I'm so happy I thought of it! Periwinkle kitten tears it is! But Ill add some manliness to it!
*John and Elite Noob post a thread that looks like this:
CUTE PERIWINKLE KITTEN TEARS OF ADORABLENESS*
John: Ouch! Elite, stop using caps lock! It hurts my eyes.
Elite Noob: WHY IS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU?? I CAN TALK CAPS IF I WANT TO! YOU'RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!
*John waves a chocolate bar near Elite Noob's mouth*
Elite Noob: Hiya boss!
John: I'm glad we see eye to eye.
Elite Noob: What do you mean "I 2 I"?
John: Go find us some troops!

END CHAPTER 14

21-Oct-2006 01:38:50 - Last edited on 04-Jan-2008 00:28:56 by [#C3FW206YM]

[#C3FW206YM]

[#C3FW206YM]

Posts: 14,572 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Chapter 15

Elite Noob: Now all we need is some strong tough men of war!
Bill: Hey can I join your clan? It sounds manly!
Elite Noob: Nope. You need to be level 128 or higher to join.
Bill: But you are level ten...
Elite Noob: I am? Halleluiah! I am the man! I'm invincible!
Bill: ... Whatever. I'm gonna make a level three clan and own your clan!
Elite Noob: Go somewhere else! Im recruiting soldiers!
Really High Level: Hey you! Weak noob, can I join your clan?
Elite Noob: No, you're a girl. We only recruit men.
Really High Level: I AM a man!
Elite Noob: Sure you are.
Really High Level: Fine if you're gonna be that way, then I'll join this level three's clan instead!
Elite Noob: Yes! The plan is working!
*By the end of the day, Level Three Clan recruits 5 level 126's and 40 pures. Cute Periwinkle Kitten Tears of Adorableness however, have only Elite Noob, John, and a pet rock.*
John: We are going to own those tweebs!
Elite Noob: Yeah! They're gonna bow down to my superiorness!
John: All we need now are more high level players, like ourselves, and we'll be victorious in any battle!
Elite Noob: Wait, you're talking about fighting. I thought we were going to have a sing-a-long contest.
John: Great idea! And I know just the place for the sing-a-long: level 55 wilderness!
Elite Noob: Sounds like a manly place for a sing-a-long!
CAN ELITE NOOB, JOHN, AND THEIR PET ROCK DEFEAT THE LEVEL 3 CLAN? FIND OUT IN CHAPTER 16!
END CHAPTER 15

21-Oct-2006 01:38:51 - Last edited on 04-Jan-2008 00:34:13 by [#C3FW206YM]

[#C3FW206YM]

[#C3FW206YM]

Posts: 14,572 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Chapter 16

Elite Noob: *sigh* We need more recruits. We'll never be able to beat that Bill clan without at least one more member.
John: Guess what I got?
Elite Noob: Not now John. I'm looking for a cow cavalry.
John: ... I was going to give you a present...
Elite Noob: Oh boy! I love presents!
*John hands Elite Noob a package*
*Elite Noob opens the package*
Elite Noob: It's a banana! Just what I always wanted!
John: Go ahead and eat it.
Elite Noob: Nope. Im gonna save this miracle of fruitiness for the sing-a-long!
John: Well ok. Lets get to the level 55 wilderness. The sing-a-long/clan war will start any minute!
Elite Noob: Ok but first lets walk from Lumbridge to Ardigoune for no apparent reason!
*Elite Noob, Rocky, and John get lost and end up at the mage arena*
Wizard: Hey! You guys can't be here! You need level 60 magic to pass!
Elite Noob: Rocky has 60 magic!
Wizard: Ok "Rocky" what's the square root of 5,890,489?
Rocky: ...
Wizard: Correct! No one cares what it is! Welcome aboard!
Elite Noob: *sob* They grow up so fast! *sob*
John: Lets hustle over here to this volcano before any pkers come!
Elite Noob: Why would we be afraid of pajama kites?
John: ... Never mind the kites noob! Here come's the other clan!
*Appearing with exactly 1,998 1/2 people, the level three clan arrives. There are so many, that there is no space on the map to see Elite Noob and John's dots*
Bill: Charge!
*Suddenly Rocky comes and uses Ice barrage on the level three clan*
Bill: No! His cute rock like appearance is deflecting my lasers!
*After five minutes of screaming and Ice Barraging, only Elite Noob, John, Rocky, and Bill are left*

21-Oct-2006 01:38:51 - Last edited on 25-May-2008 17:09:21 by [#C3FW206YM]

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Bill: Huff huff. Im tired!
*Bill kicks Rocky, KOing him*
John: Tsk tsk tsk... it's what you get for teleporting and alching your way to level 99 mage Rocky.
Elite Noob: Well, now's a good a time as any to eat my banana!
*Elite Noob eats the bannana and throws the peel on the ground*
Bill: Hey no littering!
*Bill reaches over to pick up the peel when he slips on it and falls, doing ten damage*
Bill: Nooo! I was killed by an inanimate object!
*Bill drops full bronze*
*John mistakes the amour for more people*
John: Hey look Elite! Its more pkers!
Elite Noob: Ahhhh!
*Elite Noob panics and runs so fast, that he erodes the ground, falling into the earth's core*
John: Wow, it sure is lonely here...
Zamorak: It sure is...
John: Yup... Hey wait a minute! You're Saradomin aren't you?
Zamorak: How dare you!
*John gets incinerated and ends up in Lumbridge*

END CHAPTER 16

21-Oct-2006 01:38:51 - Last edited on 04-Jan-2008 00:48:03 by [#C3FW206YM]

[#C3FW206YM]

[#C3FW206YM]

Posts: 14,572 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Chapter 17
Elite Noob: Lumbridge again!
John: I'm starting to hate this place...
Elite Noob: Hey look, it's a cook!
*They go to Lumbridge cook*
Elite Noob: Bake me some cookies you servant of the non coffee believer!
Cook: Huh?
John: Hey can we have a quest? I haven't done one of those before.
Cook: Good, because here's an easy one, find some eggs, flour, and water so I can bake a cake.
Elite Noob: Consider it done! I didn't know the Duke was nearsighted! He must be crazy to have an elderly baboon cook his meals.
Cook: ...
John: Okay Elite, lets go!
*Elite Noob and John head to Varrock to collect supplies, stopping occasionally to build suspense*
Elite Noob: Okay he said get ten gallons of vinegar and soy sauce, and five tons of sour balls and baking soda!
John: Where do we get those things?
Elite Noob: Hey look! It's Bill! He'll help us!
Bill: Not you guys again! Why are you here?
Elite Noob: We're health inspectors!
BIll: *gasp* Am I sick?
Elite Noob: Yes you are! You need... you need... John, what do we need again?
John: Ten gallons of vinegar and soy sauce, and five tons of sour balls and baking soda.
Bill: I knew that cook would track me down! Here, take it!
John: Why thank you, here's a clove of garlic.
Bill: Argh! The pain!
Elite Noob: Well now we mix it up and hope that the universe doesn't implode.
*Our friends mix up a deadly potion and Iban comes for it's power of world domination*
Iban: Aha! Finally, some stupid idiots have made the death potion for me! Now even Zammorak will fall!
Elite Noob: Hmm... do you want a bite John?

21-Oct-2006 01:38:52 - Last edited on 04-Jan-2008 00:48:59 by [#C3FW206YM]

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John: No, it looks inexplicitly evil. Hey this red robed figure looks hungry. Maybe he wants some.
Iban: You fool! Don't feed me that poison!
Elite Noob: This isn't poison! It's only a deadly drink designed to kill.
*Elite Noob force feeds Iban some of the death drink*
Iban: Mmmm! Tasty!
*Iban becomes a skeleton*
Iban: I'll get you for this!
Elite Noob: No! He drank most of the cake batter!
*Out of a fit of anger, Elite Noob runs into a pit*
Iban: Muhahahhahah! Your spirits will be mine mortals!
Elite Noob: Hey! I thought ghosts were cursed to roam the galaxy in search of a blender.
Iban: No! Now I want a blender for no apparent reason! I'll be back!

END CHAPTER 17

21-Oct-2006 01:38:53 - Last edited on 04-Jan-2008 00:51:47 by [#C3FW206YM]

[#C3FW206YM]

[#C3FW206YM]

Posts: 14,572 Opal Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Chapter 18
Elite Noob: The nerve of that cook! Trying to trick us out of our hard earned cake!
*Slurp*
John: Yeah! He said it wasn't cooked or something.
*Glug*
Elite Noob: Strange, I remember cakes being solid...
*The genie teleports to John*
Genie: Hello master John. Have this lamp and you will gain some experience in a skill.
John: Hi Mr. Faerie! Oh boy, do I get three wishes like in the movie "The Little Mermaid"?
Genie: You must be mistaken-
John: I want a pony, a bicycle, a motorized kite-
Genie: Stop! I'll do anything you want!
John: A robot parrot, a talking clam, a bottle of Christmas Joy, dance-dance-revolution 30,000,-
*The Genie's pager rings*
Genie: Phew another appointment! Err.. I mean... here you go, a free wish!
John: But I'm not done wishing yet! Darn! I wish I was more careful with my time!
Genie: Wish granted!
Elite Noob: Wow lucky!
*The Quizmaster comes and teleports Elite Noob to the game show*
Quizmaster: It's time for our favorite Runescape television show! "Guess that place"! You Mr. Noob will have to answer a question of my choice!
Elite Noob: I'm on a game show?
Quizmaster: Ok here goes! What is a ten letter word for a place where scientists work?
Elite Noob: Um... l-o-s-e-r-v-i-l-l-e- loserville!
Quizmaster: I was thinking of laboratory, but I think that works too! Here you go Mr. Noob!
*Elite Noob gets teleported back to Lumbridge*
Elite Noob: Wow! Hey John! Guess what I got?
John: No brains?
Elite Noob: That and a bucket!
John: Thanks Elite Noob! You're so nice!
*The Sandwich Lady appears*
Sandwich Lady: You look starved young man! How about a square sandwich?

21-Oct-2006 01:38:53 - Last edited on 04-Jan-2008 00:54:40 by [#C3FW206YM]

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