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Ok, I'll try and remeber that if I ever find enough time (and bravery ) to venture back into a 'noob' story .
~Iso the Galantous Blob, now a Potato Sack! ~Named a nub by Zappo, WKC, Star, Snake, Die, Pat, Orby, DieS, Dudely, Scout, Bed, Haru, Siggi~Basic Signatures for 54 days~A spot for Capt~

26-Oct-2007 23:31:59

26-Oct-2007 23:33:07

27-Oct-2007 04:24:12 - Last edited on 27-Oct-2007 04:29:57 by KratosAURlON

I actually read this weeks ago, and I'd been meaning to finish it, but I thought... I'm never going to be able to findtime, so I just commented on what I'd read.
~Iso the Galantous Blob, now a Potato Sack!~Dubbed a nub by Zappo, WKC, Star, Snake, Die, Pat, Orby, DieS, Dudely, Scout, Bed, Haru, Siggi, Tet~Basic Signatures for 54 days~Capt FTW!~

27-Oct-2007 04:25:43

27-Oct-2007 04:37:27

h3y l4nc3 i h4v3 a m355ag3 fr0m 5igg1: "I have to go to some Judo thing and I'll start reviewing your story as soon as I get- Iso Rocks!" 1ts a b17 odd bu7, 0h w311.
O_o
~Iso the Galantous Blob, now a Potato Sack!~Dubbed a nub by Zappo, WKC, Star, Snake, Die, Pat, Orby, DieS, Dudely, Scout, Bed, Haru, Siggi, Tet~Basic Signatures for 54 days~Capt FTW!~

27-Oct-2007 11:54:04

I took the liberty of translating that for you:
Hey Lance I have a message from Siggi: "I have to go to some Judo thing and I'll start reviewing your story as soon as I get- Iso Rocks!" It's a bit odd but, oh well.
O_o
~Iso the Galantous Blob, now a Potato Sack!~Dubbed a nub by Zappo, WKC, Star, Snake, Die, Pat, Orby, DieS, Dudely, Scout, Bed, Haru, Siggi, Tet~Basic Signatures for 54 days~Capt FTW!~

27-Oct-2007 12:36:22 - Last edited on 27-Oct-2007 12:36:50 by [#DTGU0KGCF]

That's not exactly the message, but okay... (I'm back from the judo thing, btw )
Please, do not take offense to anything I say below, Lance. You're a great guy, I like you, and I hope you won't hate me after this
Righty-o. I guess I owe you a proper review...I think a post or two should do the trick, yes?

I must say: I wasn't exactly excited about reading a noob story, but now I can truthfully say that I was right.
I found the humor quite...bland. I'm sure this isn't half as bad as any other noob story, but I still found it relying on randomness, instead of intelligent humor way too much for my liking. I'm sure there are many people who prefer that, but I can't say I'm one of them.
The characters were almost all the "good" 'ol: stupid noob, equally-stupid-or-more noob, the gods, Evil Bob and the author himself. All done before to a living death.
Jagex being evil is, I s'pose, a slightly more original thing, but still something I've seen many, many, many times before.
As great as more original characters would be for you, I honestly think dumping the script-style format and going to prose would be the best thing you can do (yes, humor/noob stories CAN be written in prose!)
The reasons for me thinking that is one of the biggest compliments I bring into this "review": your spelling was great. Barely any typos, and almost all, if not all, words spelled correctly. At least I couldn't find anything.
I'm not taking a shot at script; I'm really not. But it does seem like you could write a lot better in prose. Your style just seems to fit better, there.
I found your grammar regarding commas such usually-unimportant-tidbits was somewhat lacking, though, in my opinion. Nothing a lesson at the Academy won't fix (i.e., my lesson in English, Basics of Sentence Structure )

27-Oct-2007 20:14:50

My other noob story is shorter, but I believe it has better humor. Nonetheless, thanks for sticking to your word I'm attempting to redo this whole story (in prose) and I'm writing the chapters from now on in prose. I'm glad you reviewed this, as now I can improve even further.

27-Oct-2007 20:19:21

I don't really know what I can say about your plot...seriously jumpy, which in a normal prose story really would've had a severe impact, but I can't really say much about it in a script style comedy X* (I *did* hate the chapter a post thing, though XD I think you could squeeze in a lot more humor and action and...wait, why am I explaining this? Bigger chapters = more of anything you want to add )
Well, I have suddenly found myself unable to say anything more...I guess I'll wrap it up.
All in all, Elite Noob is a script-style comedy no noob-story fan should miss; the same unfortunately can't be said for those who do not appreciate the genre.
(Lance, if you find anything in this review just criticism but not constructive, let me know. I really want you to remember this review without the thoughts 'oh, that ******, shot down my story with nothing behind him!')

There, now I've got that monkey off my back. Officially debt-free! Have fun finishing this story, Lance
EDIT: Lance, you really thought that single not-even-full post was my whole review? Pwwsh, give me some credit! XD

27-Oct-2007 20:22:08 - Last edited on 27-Oct-2007 20:23:01 by [#80N8R0VWZ]