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Averia Light

Averia Light

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Katydidit said :
I didn't want to get married and didn't have the desire to have kids. Well, I did get married to a man who didn't want kids, either. The marriage lasted 1 year 6 months. Both of us were in the military, but stationed at different installations.

He was sent to Germany on a 4 year tour. I told him I would try to get stationed in Germany, hopefully at the same installation. I found out I wasn't eligible for any overseas assignments for another 2 years. One afternoon, there was a knock on my door. I answered it and it was my husband. He said he was on 2 weeks leave. I didn't question it, had no reason to. The two weeks were nearing an end and nothing was said about him going back. I questioned him. He told me he wasn't going back. During the course of the argument, I found out he wasn't on 2 weeks leave, he had gone AWOL 2 weeks ago.

I was making the military a career and didn't want to get arrested for harboring a fugitive. After several "discussions" I gave him a choice. In one week time he either turned himself in or I move out and have the divorce papers sent to him. He didn't turn himself in, I moved out and we got a divorce. He said that he understood and didn't contest it.

I never remarried and still didn't have any kids.


I couldn't do the military life - particularly with kids. I've heard some people fall in love with their career and that is enough for them and I get it as I found my own passion after having my kid, haha. Good on you for choosing the right path for you.
And I swear I'm not going to let her know all the pain I have known

04-Jul-2021 19:06:07

Averia Light

Averia Light

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Dong U Dead said :
Dong U Dead said :
The woman, who is unnamed, shared her story with Kidspot, explaining that she wishes she didn't have her two children, and that her life would be "better" without them. She said that she loves her two sons very much, but that "the reality just didn't meet the expectation" when it came to having children.5/10/2020
https://www.heart.co.uk › lifestyle
Mum-of-two admits she wishes she didn't have children as life was ...

^Not sure how that got posted? I clicked return?? Weird...

Anyway not sure if this article (link below) is the same story that has been hitting the headlines lately or not:


New mother admits regretting having baby, says it 'ruined her life' in brutally honest post
https://www.newshub.co.nz/home/lifestyle/2021/07/new-mother-admits-regretting-having-baby-says-it-ruined-her-life-in-brutally-honest-post.html


r/regretfulparents

It is actually very common even in r/parenting.
And I swear I'm not going to let her know all the pain I have known

04-Jul-2021 19:07:26

Averia Light

Averia Light

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Brigantia said :
@ Dong - I can't read the article you shared because it's unavailable outside your country.

Anyway, based off the headline, thanks to the internet, the conversation is finally being had that parenthood isn't what our parents, and their parents before them, said it was. It's good that these conversations are being had.

It sucks, but that's how it is. Some people just aren't cut out to be parents, and that's ok. And as an added site note, because I know how that's going to be received: It's ok to admit the feelings, and that doesn't mean that these parents who admit these feelings aren't still owning up to the decision they made to be parents. That doesn't make them bad parents either.


Yep - agreed 100%
And I swear I'm not going to let her know all the pain I have known

04-Jul-2021 19:08:44

Averia Light

Averia Light

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vonSageworth said :
I almost got married and had kids... almost. In high school, I was dating a young lady who was beautiful inside and out. I fell hopelessly in love with her and she with me. We talked about marriage, kids and how to rear them.

I decided marriage and kids wasn't for me. I'm a confirmed Bachelor.


Can't blame either of you, tbh. Kids aren't really a thing that a couple can compromise on. It is just one of those things that create an unreconcilable situation and the only solution is to break up. It doesn't mean that either party was wrong, it just isn't a good fit.
And I swear I'm not going to let her know all the pain I have known

04-Jul-2021 19:11:56

Aubrey666

Aubrey666

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I have 1 kid. We were thinking of more, but our first has been very challenging so far (only a few weeks old and very colicky).

When I was younger I did not want any kids. This was mostly for economical reasons. Without considering the money its what appeared to be a typical milestone in life that I would have liked achieving. I was imagining all sorts of adventures the kid(s) could take us on just like I did for my parents although I wouldn't hold them to such high expectation hehehehe it's a tough act to follow. At the very least when we're old and less mobile hopefully someone will still love us and visit or call every once in a while. I got a degree in a skilled/STEM field and we're feeling financially comfortable; so: the economics was no longer a concern to hold us back. There's still that fear of not being ready, but I feel like it's very rare or unusual to really feel very ready, and so we just went for it.
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07-Jul-2021 10:14:07

Averia Light

Averia Light

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Aubrey666 said :
I have 1 kid. We were thinking of more, but our first has been very challenging so far (only a few weeks old and very colicky).

When I was younger I did not want any kids. This was mostly for economical reasons. Without considering the money its what appeared to be a typical milestone in life that I would have liked achieving. I was imagining all sorts of adventures the kid(s) could take us on just like I did for my parents although I wouldn't hold them to such high expectation hehehehe it's a tough act to follow. At the very least when we're old and less mobile hopefully someone will still love us and visit or call every once in a while. I got a degree in a skilled/STEM field and we're feeling financially comfortable; so: the economics was no longer a concern to hold us back. There's still that fear of not being ready, but I feel like it's very rare or unusual to really feel very ready, and so we just went for it.


Heyy congratulations!

And the newborn stage SUCKS. Mine was up every 45 minutes for 3 months straight and the doctor diagnosed her as colic. So she basically just screamed no matter what I did and there was nothing wrong as she just grew out of it.

You probably are doing just fine even though it sucks. Hug your partner and offer a lot of patience for eachother. It is just a rough time.

To circle back to the topic, though, parents being honest about child rearing helps.
And I swear I'm not going to let her know all the pain I have known

07-Jul-2021 19:16:08 - Last edited on 07-Jul-2021 19:17:07 by Averia Light

Megycal
Sep Member 2005

Megycal

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Aubrey666 said :
I have 1 kid. We were thinking of more, but our first has been very challenging so far (only a few weeks old and very colicky).

I understand totally! I didn't want children when we first married. My husband said it was my choice as I was the one who'd actually have the baby and look after him/her.
Fast forward several years and I started to think it might be good to start a family. It took another 2 years before we made the decision. We were more financially secure due to my husband's job so that I could give up work to be a stay at home mum. We had no family near by ( closest was 115 miles away ) and childcare/travel costs meant there'd be very little extra cash if I went back to my job. It proved to be a wise choice....Our eldest son was also a very colicky baby. This lasted for almost exactly 3 months and I panicked when he slept through the night for the first time. I thought he must be ill! For 3 years I didn't want any more children then changed my mind. We now have 2 wonderful adult sons, they have been a source of worry and great joy. They get on well together and often make me laugh. I wish they lived closer to us but they've both settled fairly close to the universities they attended. The youngest has just finished his thesis for a PH.D and gets married this summer. Exciting times! :D

edit to add: I read sooo many baby books before our first was born trying to learn as much as possible. In the end none had the answers on how to look after
MY
baby. Every baby is different and learning how to be a family is hard work. The first couple of months can be exhausting but you will make it through them. Concentrate on the important stuff and don't worry about things such as the windows not being cleaned for weeks. Grubby windows don't matter!

On topic. I never judge people who don't have children, its their life. Also it might not be their choice...

07-Jul-2021 19:20:24 - Last edited on 07-Jul-2021 19:37:48 by Megycal

Joel
Feb
fmod Member
2005

Joel

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Personally, my wife and I currently have no intention of having children. She's heavily focused on her career and typically, having children can often hinder a career for a woman and there's no way I'd ever want to put her in that position through any desires I may have.

Having said that, luckily I'm quite happy remaining the way we are, not having children and having our independence to do what we want, when we want whether that be going out, travelling and so on.

I'm also quite happy not having the costs that come with having children :P

Aside from all of that, I myself don't feel comfortable bringing a new life into the world we currently live in more out of environmental reasons and issues & uncertainty we face when it comes to climate change.

Plus, the world isn't what it used to be. Travel is way more accessible (for many, unfortunately not for all) which opens up more life and career opportunities that people can often place more focus on these days over staying in the town or area they grew up in, buying a house and starting a family which seems to be more of a traditional route. That could also be one of the contributing factors to certain populations around the world actually seeing decreased population growth.

But, each to their own. :D My mum has given up expecting a child from my wife and I and now places her hope on my brothers :P
Joel

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08-Jul-2021 20:35:11

vonSageworth

vonSageworth

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Too bad babies aren't born with a manual. The troubleshooting section would be quite valuable. But like every other manual, the problem you're facing isn't listed.
Music is the Heartbeat of the World


Let's flip a coin; heads I win, tails you lose. Fair enough?

08-Jul-2021 21:14:30

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