VileShoggoth, and AutumnBellxx, thank you for your kind and wise words.
What I did was incredibly wrong, even if it was my right. I should of taken time away from the game, or passed the clan along to someone.
It is hard for me to say all the details of what was happening in my mind. I was at an extremely dark place. My life took a turn for the weird, and sometimes, I didn't know how to handle it. At times, I would feel this "energy", that I know was not from me. Strange physical changes have happened. All in all I didn't know how to handle all of this. I got extremely depressed to the point of wishing my entire existence away. I had you all, but even being on voice, doing eds, or whatever, I felt very alone in a dark cold confusion. Missing him, magnified the trippy experiences. I didn't have anyone to help guide me.
Had I just left our clan alone, within a week, I would of been in a much better mental state. Balance has been restored slowly over time. There are still weird spiritual, and physical changes happening to me, but I feel much more accepting of what is happening, and more aligned.
I am not excusing what I did, but rather explaining. What I did was wrong. I ask for forgiveness, please forgive me. I apologize.
I can accept if some will never be able to forgive me. However I hope they can move on from the pain I caused them, so that toxicity will not be part of their mentality. Please don't let me rule your world. Focusing on what I did on the daily is allowing me to control your emotions. Free yourselves, please.
I don't know if we will want our clan to be big. At the moment, we are focused on a free style sort of clan. I don't know if we will be structured like we were in the past, or if we will try to build a big clan. I feel it best for now to try for more of a tight group of people.
Best Wishes,
Angela
13-Apr-2020 17:37:05
