RuneScape Forum Archive | ~~Brotherly Love~~

Azigarath

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Review 1.0
Ah hah, I notice some family troubles brewing as I read the first post. I'd imagine a woman in-between the two brothers who sort of makes trouble, or maybe the two brothers are noblemen in charge of something of which one is sentenced to something unfortunate.
I think that this story reflects to maximise your ability, and I've done the same a few times, and I recall ending up confusing myself in the process, hee hee.
Oh, and English isn't your first language either? Ironic considering your username :p
Personally I wouldn't include praises to my own stories, but looks like you deserve them seeing from what I read so far.
I also struggle with grammar and spelling. I love Microsoft Works even though it's often wrong.
I also have low opinions about my own stories. Sometimes I feel that I delve deeper into senseless violence, which is odd because I am very sensitive to such topics. I guess reading history about genocides, war, inquisitions and whatnot, and then seeing actual footage of such things really made me bitter.
My dad used to be in the communist army of Poland, reaching lieutenant before leaving, and the stories he sometimes told me did leave an impact on me. Off the top of my head, one story was when he heard someone shoot himself with an AK47, and said that the AK made the skull explode from within and it sounded like the splat of a rotten pumpkin.
Alright, onto the story now, chapter 1.
Hahaha, the teenager is me perfectly. I find such a feeling of nostalgic melancholia to be, 'in the edge of something but within nothing.'
I also have such feelings as when all these attitudes almost feel like a mason building a brick house around you, the house being nothing other than a cube of bricks that act as your tomb, but the mason builds happily, brick by brick.

25-Mar-2011 01:49:39

Azigarath

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Story feels a bit like The Yellow Wallpaper, moreover feels like RuneScape when I play it.
Ah, teenager belongs to the monarchy. One of the King Henrys was renowned as a great archer, once able to shoot across the jugular vein of a deer at over 100 paces.
Generally, the first-born would become king no matter what if he survived that long. The second-born would become part of the clergy or part of the king's army.
During the Middle Ages, men beat woman all the time. After all, Henry the Eighth married many times and some ended up dead, but this is your story and not history.
Nobility fishing? I guess now's the time to focus on the story and not Medieval times.
Ronny wrote some music and showed it to Edward, and then Edward said that he made a symphony. Reminds me when I posted on the stories discussion sticky that I made two musical pieces for violin and then you said you did 30-40 pieces for piano XD
Nobles were bullied by other nobles, sometimes, I'd imagine. I see that Ronny wanted to become a soldier, which is accurate reflecting the Medieval era. In Medieval Germany, a famous quote was, "To be a man is an art."
Onto chapter 2.
Nice scene regarding supper, only the dances are missing. Taking what I see, Ronny has no reason to be miserable, but even perfect lives are flawed at times.
Don't spill your wine, and don't drop the soap.
I see that Ronny makes his own story, perhaps it foreshadows a real event of which something bad happens. I hate full moons. There's always a full moon when someone's about to die sleeping. LEAVE THE CURTAINS CLOSED.
Ronny does not consider feelings or emotional scars of his family if he had murdered. Having no regard of others' feelings suggest Ronny's a sociopath, as are a few of my own characters in my stories.

25-Mar-2011 01:49:52

Azigarath

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Chasing cats are adventurous indeed. Sometimes, it's as if 'cats' want to take you somewhere but don't want you to follow.
Yes, the word nostalgia, just what I wanted to see.
LOL. Didn't expect man love around the corner. Being noble, Edward could get away with it, but Tyler not so much. He'd probably end up tied in a bag and thrown into a fire, or boiled to death, and the way they boiled to death was by tying him by the legs upside-down and lowering him into the cauldron for a bit, lift him out, and then lowering him back in again, and repeating for sometimes days on end.
Or he'd get tied upside-down between two vertical posts and sawed in half vertically from the groin down, and being upside-down, blood flow into the brain means that he'd live until the saw goes through his chest.
Another method would be to tie one against a tree, cut the stomach open vertically, and smear honey over the wound. The blood and honey would attract insects which would go inside, eat and breed, until death.
Now Ronny has the answer of his dreams, to beat his brother. Don't touch that telescope, you don't know where it's been...
Not much to say for several posts. Rising action and all.
Oh, so Ronny couldn't hold it in, he just had to accuse his brother, but got slapped in the face for it.
Nope.avi
Chapter four.
Ooo, physiological talking. Christianity, Islam, Judaism and Sikhism are all the same thing. The Egyptians started out as monotheistic, and Zoroastrianism is much older than all of them. In fact, Zoroastrianism is basically the same thing as Christianity, Islam and Judaism.
Even though Paganism had human sacrifice, Catholicism had inquisitions.

25-Mar-2011 01:50:04

Azigarath

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Very rarely did the highest nobles go to the dungeons. Some princes had their eyes cut out and they were left in dungeons to bleed to death, because if you were in the dungeons, you were waiting for death or punishment.
How he is not given much food is accurate of course.
For disobeying his father the king, Edward would have been sent to a tower and not given much food, other than maybe something like porridge and water but oh well.
Oh, he is at the top of a prison tower.
Ratmeat om nom nom om nom.
Chapter Five
Kind of had a feeling Ronny would come sooner or later.
And Edward runs outside and cries. I can picture a Darth Vader NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Honestly, when someone loses a loved one, generally the impact comes much later. When one of my teachers lost his sister, he said he only felt the trouble weeks later.
In Shakespeare's play MacBeth, when the king is killed, his son gets the news and exclaims 'Oh.' That's it, similarly when Shakespeare lost his son, he exclaimed 'oh' and mourned the loss of his son some days after getting the news. In fact he mourned the less his whole life.
But then again everyone's different.
Epilogue
I'd imagine Ronny found his little casket during this time, and perhaps changed things since it is his novel. And I see the word nostalgia, good. I wanted to see that word.
So Ronny's own masterpiece is his own downfall.
And we learn that the king really did want a release but died. So I'm guessing that Tyler was hanged shortly after the arrest.
Conclusion
The story was unique and is what I call a perfect tragedy. Regarding RuneScape, modern media and the world we live in today, it is a short masterpiece of guilt.

25-Mar-2011 01:50:23

Azigarath

Posts: 9,271 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Even though the story was a bit finicky for me at times I think I do understand its meaning, and honestly at times I felt that the 'brotherly love' referred to Tyler and Edward more than the two brothers, and I now know that Ronny is not a sociopath (I am slightly sociopathic myself btw).
I hope my crude humour didn't feel offensive.
The story was nice to read, and really does give a few points of view to focus on. At times I felt it was too emotional, because emotion is something that does not come naturally to me.
Being of French and Polish background, ultimately European, I'm too stubborn and grumpy to reveal any softer feelings, and the story did reflect my own personality.
I liked how there was conflict between the clergy and monarchy. Such cases did happen. Before the First Crusader, Poland was going to send crusaders, however the Polish king at that time got angry at the Pope, and sent a letter saying that the pope should go on the crusade instead (which is why there were no Polish crusaders, though some did go.)
Unfortunately, personality cannot change. Automatically, I dislike Germans, for during the past 1,000 years of existence, Poles and Germans were unable to accept each other's' guts, and the next 1,000 years will be the same.
Whenever history repeats itself, it means that no-one learned from their mistakes during the first time.
And I see that you have Chinese background, so perhaps you don't know a lot about Medieval Europe. Likewise I don't know much about Medieval Asia.
But then again most people don't know about the things that I do, and I have been reading Medieval Europe ever since childhood.

25-Mar-2011 01:50:43

Azigarath

Posts: 9,271 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

Other than that I'm not sure what else to say. Personally, these stories are not the kind that I can read every day. I like reading things that reflect what I like, which is the way Europeans (and Mankind, generally) have been acting like since the earliest times.
The grammar and spelling was perfect and very smooth to read, and most of all, had good flow.
Overall, everything in the story was of highest grades, so I'd give it around 96%. It certainly was nice to read rather than thinking about my own works which revolve answers around violence, sometimes death being of utmost unpleasant ends, so thank-you for typing such a fantastic story.
Oh dear, I think I made the review a tad bit too long. Maybe I should reconsider my titles in the future

oh, and I forgot to mention that the phrase, 'I think it is a choice' refering to gender-selection really is a choice. you see, I am attracted to girls but I chose not to have a girlfreind even though I will be turning twenty in several months.

25-Mar-2011 01:50:52 - Last edited on 25-Mar-2011 05:04:02 by Azigarath

Englishkid62

Posts: 9,782 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

“Personally I wouldn't include praises to my own stories, but looks like you deserve them seeing from what I read so far.”
--Lol, I have a habit of indulging this little bit of reward for writing. When one is old, sad, and alone, they can read this collection and be reminded that there is some worth to his existence.
“Off the top of my head, one story was when he heard someone shoot himself with an AK47, and said that the AK made the skull explode from within and it sounded like the splat of a rotten pumpkin.”
-- O_o

I tend to avoid blood and gore in my stories. Dunno about you, but I often find the subject quite horrid and uncomfortable. It does make you realise the fragility of life, but then other times, it just makes me want to cover my eyes

“Hahaha, the teenager is me perfectly. I find such a feeling of nostalgic melancholia to be, 'in the edge of something but within nothing.”
--Is it just me or do writers have depressing tendencies?
“I also have such feelings as when all these attitudes almost feel like a mason building a brick house around you, the house being nothing other than a cube of bricks that act as your tomb, but the mason builds happily, brick by brick. “
--Yeah, I felt that way exactly.
“Nobility fishing? I guess now's the time to focus on the story and not Medieval times.”
--Lol, haha, this *is* a story set in RuneScape after all, and I have to include that fishing might just be one of the classes they take, or a skill they learn. Not that they do any of it in spare time, lol.
“Ronny wrote some music and showed it to Edward, and then Edward said that he made a symphony. Reminds me when I posted on the stories discussion sticky that I made two musical pieces for violin and then you said you did 30-40 pieces for piano XD”
--Sorry…couldn’t resist

25-Mar-2011 11:36:02

Englishkid62

Posts: 9,782 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

“Taking what I see, Ronny has no reason to be miserable, but even perfect lives are flawed at times.”
--Actually, you’re right in that he did*’t have any *real* reason to be miserable, but the older Ronny in epilogue feels like he should really give a reason. Plus, at the time, he probably was depressed over mundane things, like how his brother gets more attention.
“I hate full moons. There's always a full moon when someone's about to die sleeping.”
--Lol, yes, it is a cliché gothic devise Ronny was using in his story there – fairly typical for a beginner writer.
“Having no regard of others' feelings suggest Ronny's a sociopath, as are a few of my own characters in my stories. “
--I wouldn’t necessarily say he’s a sociopath. Or rather, he is so self-absorbed at this stage that he did*’t think about what other people would feel. He is screaming to himself ‘I’m depressed, I’m depressed* without realising other people have their problems too. He *is* capable of understanding others (as shown at the end), but he at this point shuts that part of himself down and doesn’t use this unique gift of human beings.
“Yes, the word nostalgia, just what I wanted to see.*
--Even more nostalgia for the Older Ronny writing that scene.
“He'd probably end up tied in a bag and thrown into a fire, or boiled to death, and the way they boiled to death was by tying him by the legs upside-down and lowering him into the cauldron for a bit, lift him out, and then lowering him back in again, and repeating for sometimes days on end. Or he'd get tied upside-down between two vertical posts and sawed in half vertically from the groin down, and being upside-down, blood flow into the brain means that he'd live until the saw goes through his chest. Another method would be to tie one against a tree, cut the stomach open vertically, and smear honey over the wound. The blood and honey would attract insects which would go inside, eat and breed, until death.”

25-Mar-2011 11:36:16

Englishkid62

Posts: 9,782 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

--He’s too cute to suffer that fate O_o

“And Edward runs outside and cries. I can picture a Darth Vader NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!”
--Haha, I did*’t think of this like that

“So Ronny's own masterpiece is his own downfall.”
--Actually, personally (and that is strictly personal opinion) I felt his inability to keep his mouth shut his downfall

“and honestly at times I felt that the 'brotherly love' referred to Tyler and Edward more than the two brothers, and I now know that Ronny is not a sociopath (I am slightly sociopathic myself btw).”
--To be honest, for me, Brotherly Love is more about Ronny’s extent to seek forgiveness, by writing this novel and alter the events in it so that the fictional Edward would never forgive himself. That this story is perhaps his tribute to his brother, and one last chance to say that he did love Edward as a brother, though he never said it and never will have a chance to now.
“At times I felt it was too emotional, because emotion is something that does not come naturally to me.
Being of French and Polish background, ultimately European, I'm too stubborn and grumpy to reveal any softer feelings, and the story did reflect my own personality.”
--I don’t think that’s to do with race :p. But maintaining a hard exterior is what keeps us immune to a story like this, of course.
“Personally, these stories are not the kind that I can read every day. I like reading things that reflect what I like, which is the way Europeans (and Mankind, generally) have been acting like since the earliest times.”
--I’m not sure how I could incorporate that in a RuneScape context

“so thank-you for typing such a fantastic story.”
--Thank you for taking the time to read

“Oh dear, I think I made the review a tad bit too long. Maybe I should reconsider my titles in the future”
--Don’t worry, I’ve written a 48 posts long review before.

25-Mar-2011 11:36:33

Englishkid62

Posts: 9,782 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile

“oh, and I forgot to mention that the phrase, 'I think it is a choice' refering to gender-selection really is a choice. you see, I am attracted to girls but I chose not to have a girlfreind even though I will be turning twenty in several months.”
--Disturbingly, that puts you around the same age as me. I too will be turning 20 in a few months. And I think you were slightly confused there ‘I think it is a choice’ refers to gender preference. You are indeed attracted to girls (fine, this is the internet and there’s no way to prove), but did you actively make a decision, a choice, to somehow make yourself attract to girls over boys? It’s not about whether you get yourself in a relationship because that depends on whether a person is ready, whether feelings are returned, and many other circumstances. But the choice I was referring to there is the initial attraction that precedes entering any sort of relationship.

25-Mar-2011 11:37:30

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