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Nildi of Keldagrim
Quick find code: 49-50-957-32282822
Merry Christmas, you kilt-wearing-drunkard you.
24-Dec-2008 20:31:01
Totally understood, Elly.
Thank you for pencilling me in, and I hope you had a wonderful Christmas.
Dreamweaver
Thank you for pencilling me in, and I hope you had a wonderful Christmas.
Dreamweaver
26-Dec-2008 03:40:41
I did, thank you very much.
The locust scum have been defeated and/or chainsawed into gibs and any remaining filth has been exploded with high explosive grenades.
This means I can read your story, I hope you laughed when you read the previous sentence.
The following are my notes on your story anything I liked (plenty), disliked (very little), or wanted you to change (even less):
The fight scene between the mages and the Khazard guard was a little awkward, you could make it flow better by rewriting small parts.
Your description is astounding, everything that need be described is done in a manner so subtle and sublime that I hardly even notice that I can almost see the setting of your story.
You use the word reverie frequently, try daydreams or other synonyms, current count of use: 4
Cannon Ball mess up = Hilarious
Well done Dream, well done.
Is "hale" a word (used to describe the necromancer)? If so, what does it mean? Did you mean to write pale?
"Everyone’s jaws dropped!" page 12, are you sure that you wanted to use an exclamation point here? I think it should be a period. However, an exclamation at the end of the NEXT sentence would be fine.
"'And the crystal? Do you still have it?' Zavistic enquired." Should that be "inquired" instead of enquired?
On a final note...Oh Em Gee, that was epic. Well written story, great plot, wonderful description, dynamic characters, perfect antagonist, very high standard of writing, excellent vocabulary.
This story is one of the best stories on the forums, I put it up there with A Paper Shield, The Treasure of Raudon, and The Priceless. Truly marvelous.
I hope you enjoy Sandstone.
I am glad I read your story, credit due to English.
._________________________________
/_\_/_/_|¨“°º¤‡ŠÕÂR.¸.HÎGHÉR‡¤º°”¨|_\_\_/_\
.../_\_/_/_|¤º°”¨“°º¤‡'€LL¥'‡¤º°”¨“°º¤|_\_\_/_\
....../_\_/_/_|¯)“°º¤.¸„›º°‡°º‹„¸.¤º°”(¯|_\_\_/_\
The locust scum have been defeated and/or chainsawed into gibs and any remaining filth has been exploded with high explosive grenades.
This means I can read your story, I hope you laughed when you read the previous sentence.
The following are my notes on your story anything I liked (plenty), disliked (very little), or wanted you to change (even less):
The fight scene between the mages and the Khazard guard was a little awkward, you could make it flow better by rewriting small parts.
Your description is astounding, everything that need be described is done in a manner so subtle and sublime that I hardly even notice that I can almost see the setting of your story.
You use the word reverie frequently, try daydreams or other synonyms, current count of use: 4
Cannon Ball mess up = Hilarious
Well done Dream, well done.
Is "hale" a word (used to describe the necromancer)? If so, what does it mean? Did you mean to write pale?
"Everyone’s jaws dropped!" page 12, are you sure that you wanted to use an exclamation point here? I think it should be a period. However, an exclamation at the end of the NEXT sentence would be fine.
"'And the crystal? Do you still have it?' Zavistic enquired." Should that be "inquired" instead of enquired?
On a final note...Oh Em Gee, that was epic. Well written story, great plot, wonderful description, dynamic characters, perfect antagonist, very high standard of writing, excellent vocabulary.
This story is one of the best stories on the forums, I put it up there with A Paper Shield, The Treasure of Raudon, and The Priceless. Truly marvelous.
I hope you enjoy Sandstone.
I am glad I read your story, credit due to English.
._________________________________
/_\_/_/_|¨“°º¤‡ŠÕÂR.¸.HÎGHÉR‡¤º°”¨|_\_\_/_\
.../_\_/_/_|¤º°”¨“°º¤‡'€LL¥'‡¤º°”¨“°º¤|_\_\_/_\
....../_\_/_/_|¯)“°º¤.¸„›º°‡°º‹„¸.¤º°”(¯|_\_\_/_\
28-Dec-2008 21:04:56 - Last edited on 28-Dec-2008 22:06:48 by NovelistElly
Maybe next time I won't ask you to read a story in return!
Your story was so good *you* practically did *me* a favor.
But alas, you are not that lucky.
Would you please do me the honor of reading and reviewing Sandstone in your spare time Dream?
I would appreciate it more then you could possibly fathom, after all, human minds can only but strive for infinity.
Wow, that was very philisophical.
I appreciate your generosity and hope you enjoy Sandstone and continue to be a fan of it in the future and of my other stories to come.
I would gladly do the same for you.
Most sincerely,
Elementsky21
._________________________________
/_\_/_/_|¨“°º¤‡ŠÕÂR.¸.HÎGHÉR‡¤º°”¨|_\_\_/_\
.../_\_/_/_|¤º°”¨“°º¤‡'€LL¥'‡¤º°”¨“°º¤|_\_\_/_\
....../_\_/_/_|¯)“°º¤.¸„›º°‡°º‹„¸.¤º°”(¯|_\_\_/_\
EDIT: This also happens to be a Free Bump!
Your story was so good *you* practically did *me* a favor.
But alas, you are not that lucky.
Would you please do me the honor of reading and reviewing Sandstone in your spare time Dream?
I would appreciate it more then you could possibly fathom, after all, human minds can only but strive for infinity.
Wow, that was very philisophical.
I appreciate your generosity and hope you enjoy Sandstone and continue to be a fan of it in the future and of my other stories to come.
I would gladly do the same for you.
Most sincerely,
Elementsky21
._________________________________
/_\_/_/_|¨“°º¤‡ŠÕÂR.¸.HÎGHÉR‡¤º°”¨|_\_\_/_\
.../_\_/_/_|¤º°”¨“°º¤‡'€LL¥'‡¤º°”¨“°º¤|_\_\_/_\
....../_\_/_/_|¯)“°º¤.¸„›º°‡°º‹„¸.¤º°”(¯|_\_\_/_\
EDIT: This also happens to be a Free Bump!
30-Dec-2008 02:26:23 - Last edited on 30-Dec-2008 02:32:04 by NovelistElly
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