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Anne Lauten

Anne Lauten

Posts: 3,830 Adamant Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
'Allo Archer! I know, I haven't been around for ages either. Thank you for bumping, 4z3y (how the heck do you pronounce that?)! Pheebe, thanks! I'm substantially older than when I wrote this and I'm doing quite well with the writing thing. Huzzah!

27-Feb-2013 05:25:57

Azigarath

Azigarath

Posts: 9,271 Rune Posts by user Forum Profile RuneMetrics Profile
Hey, I remember this story. Since Anne is still around, I suppose I should take this a read, it’s the least I could do. Maybe we’ll only resurrect the forums if we do not forget about the big-hitters from the past.

“”Brant is dead,” Taena whispered, tears running in rivulets down her white face. “I found him... Just lying there... I touched him... He was so cold.... It must have been an ice spell.....” Her words trailed off into sobbing.””
Don’t overuse the “...”, this means that the author left something out, and there cannot be more than three periods. But oh well, who cares.

“...the crackle of the fireplace, and the creaking of the old house.”
Nothing serious, but fire crackles, not a fireplace, and what’s making the house creak? I’m guessing that this is during the morning, as my own place creaks in the early morning on its own, too, sometimes.

“I heard news of him sometimes, I heard that he had become a great mage and was rumored to be able to use the ice spells.”
If he was evil and rumours were spreading, why did*’t anyone call the guards? He becoming a great mage after hanging a cat upside down, laughing at it, does not make an effective villain.

“After a hard journey the sisters arrived at Edgeville, both wearing their custom made suits of armor:”
After such a description of armour and mention of a dragon dagger for both sisters, Brant did not have one either? If his girlfriend had such armour, couldn’t he have one too? I also wonder how such a woven material of armour could be worn, slipped on overhead like a hauberk? Teegan can afford customised golden armour, have a gold-hilted dragon dagger, yet lives in a creaking house? :/

And Sukrae randomly appears to make friends, and throughout follows childish behaviour.

They go into the cellar, and push through a moving wall, meet a dead-end, and an army of goblins appear, apparently from nowhere.

27-May-2013 23:52:58

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