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The Couple of Opposites
Quick find code: 49-50-939-61053265
I just responded to your email "Got it". I'll try to read your story tonight
. I like the title.
EDIT: I liked it, overall. Very well written; good conventions; very few misspellings and grammatical errors (although I would still recommend running all of your stories through a word processor like Microsoft Word or OpenOffice Word for spellcheck, before you post them).
As far as more specific feedback, I remember thinking early on "Man, I hope he gives up revenge as a motivation by the end of this story." "
The only thing that bugged me enough to mention is that I think it would have been better for Kenari's blindness and magical protection during day to have been mentioned MUCH earlier in the story. Perhaps you could have found a way to fit it into the introduction, because it is a pretty significant weakness and plot point.
On a similar but less important note, I think we should have found out his name sooner. He's only called "The Necromancer" until we meet Rachilim, and ever since that happened he's usually referred to by name. This would be fine if Jonorik didn't know his name until he met her, but because he already knew it just struck me as odd.
Great story, Holim. I'm impressed!
"The last thing we need is an angry army of undead folk!" - Jonorik Kran
(I thought this line was funny. You don't usually hear people say "Undead folk"
)
. I like the title.
EDIT: I liked it, overall. Very well written; good conventions; very few misspellings and grammatical errors (although I would still recommend running all of your stories through a word processor like Microsoft Word or OpenOffice Word for spellcheck, before you post them).
As far as more specific feedback, I remember thinking early on "Man, I hope he gives up revenge as a motivation by the end of this story." "
The only thing that bugged me enough to mention is that I think it would have been better for Kenari's blindness and magical protection during day to have been mentioned MUCH earlier in the story. Perhaps you could have found a way to fit it into the introduction, because it is a pretty significant weakness and plot point.
On a similar but less important note, I think we should have found out his name sooner. He's only called "The Necromancer" until we meet Rachilim, and ever since that happened he's usually referred to by name. This would be fine if Jonorik didn't know his name until he met her, but because he already knew it just struck me as odd.
Great story, Holim. I'm impressed!
"The last thing we need is an angry army of undead folk!" - Jonorik Kran
(I thought this line was funny. You don't usually hear people say "Undead folk"
)
26-Jan-2011 01:52:12 - Last edited on 26-Jan-2011 03:45:06 by Invader 50
Hey! I made you laugh! It's not everyday I am able to do that!
And thank you!
And thank you!
28-Jan-2011 00:11:17
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