This is an example review I have done for my above entry. It outlines how the grading scheme will work.
A very nice story portraying the heartbreak of a new player being shunned by his friend, you managed to give an insight into the characters. This is indeed a new way of approaching a Noob story. Fascinating. Mmm...
This story, technically speaking, only has one character throughout. Although you gave the reader a deep insight into the story, and you captured the emotion very well, this feels like a soliloquy rather than a a story, or, let's say, a suicide letter. While this is powerful, I wondered at the necessity of it. You weren't very descriptive about the characters either, as you didn't give us ANY description whatsoever. I suppose, they could be anybody, because a Noob is a very generalized term, and his school-friend could be anyone too. Slight contradiction in character because this Noob IS the ignorant fool. Strange ...
Grade: G
In terms of the description, you used parasitic imagery instead of conventional adjectives.
"an existence most foul, pestilent and unnatural, a tainted leech of happiness that would stop at nothing to spoil ‘your’ game."
This is a very figurative example, and every description has its meaning like they belong to that part of the puzzle. However, there are too few of them. You've got the quality here, but not the quantity. I would like to see you concentrating more on the descriptions.
Grade: A
About the plot, it is actually very basic, yet original. It's the kind of story that doesn't seem to have a direction, to be honest, yet I can see no flaws in it, except one or two odd moments where some behaviour contradicts. I didn't really find anything disgusting about it though, so that's good. Very well thought out, again, as always.
Grade: G
17-May-2009 23:48:45
- Last edited on
17-May-2009 23:50:36
by
Cicobe1