~+~ Characters & Emotion: 70/75 *+*
It is difficult to look at characters when a story is only 20 posts long, but it looks like you are going to do a good job writing them. I can already see some personality coming from various characters, and this really makes things seem realistic. I like how you’ve sparked the beginning of a romance and how evident the various friendly relationships are.
I also saw several emotions being used, which is very good in the beginning of a story. I think that if you continue the way you are going, the story will turn out very rich, and very good on the emotional side of things.
*+* Literary Elements & Description: 45/50 ~+*
It is also hard to look at description early in a story, but I like what you have written so far. Colorful descriptions of everything improve the settings and scenes that you are writing, and they are becoming great mental pictures. A figurative side of descriptions is lacking in some aspects, but I am confident that you will improve this as you continue to write.
~+~ Voice & Originality: 40/50 ~+~
I already mentioned that I though virtual reality was a little bit cliché, but, outside of that, this is a very original story. I don’t know you as an author very well, so it is hard to look for a style, but I assume that you have one and that you follow it because this story is so good. I don’t think anyone who makes it to the end of a series would be able to do so without a lot of voice that attracts readers, so you must have a good one.
05-Jul-2007 23:55:32
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